Overprotective?

[Amore2]

As my DC are getting a bit older, i am struggling with knowing if i am being reasonable with boundaries. Have an 8 and 6 year old. For example, on a playdate, 8 year old was going to walk home with older sibling which i vetoed and I don't yet allow sleepovers. My 8 yo was invited to the cinema alone with another child which i politely declined. Any advice on navigating these areas? How to feel comfortable with my parenting decisions, keep my child safe, allow them some room to grow and avoid being rude to other (more relaxed) parents. What are some good phrases to say when declining or setting boundaries? Thank you.

How old is the sibling? I ask, because some of DC friends have siblings who are 18.

Mine are the same ages and I wouldn't allow the cinema alone. I do allow sleep overs but with people I trust, so mainly family. Even as a child who was left to play out all day in the 80s, my parents didn't let us go to the cinema alone at that age!

Since eldest turned 8, I'm quite conscious of giving them some freedoms, building their confidence etc. What doesn't help is eldest is quite an axious child and won't do a lot of stuff without us, thanks to lockdown!

Your kids are old enough to understand though that just because their friends are allowed to do things, doesn't mean they are. They understand different houses have different rules. As for other parents, just politely decline the activities for now until you do feel comfortable.

Thank you for your reply - sibling was 10 with a busy road to cross and i thought it was too much. I do allow sleepovers with family, just not friends yet.
Think i am going to stick with listening to how i feel and using my judgement and gradually building in more freedom over next few years.

8 is still very young. YANBU.

Trust your own instincts.

I wouldn’t let my 10 year old go to the cinema alone yet, my 8 year old is allowed to play out in our local area but knows the limits in terms of how far he can roam. I’d usually walk friends home after play dates etc. It’s a judgement thing knowing how capable your child is and also knowing your 6 year old may quickly want the same freedoms, so I temper what my oldest does again what I’m ok with the younger doing - there’s only 18 months between them and they function at similar ages.

With mine we worked out steps & goals and gradually released.
e.g. Going to cinema alone. If they go with you can they

• find the screen & their seats without you guiding
• go to the toilet on their own & find their seat again
• agree and stick to a meeting place
• be trusted to behave appropriately

Then they could be dropped off with a friend with pre-bought tickets and picked up at the end. 8 still seems a bit on the young side though to me.

I’m with you on the walking home supervised by a 10YO, cinema I think could go either way if the friend was very sensible and parents were on site but just not watching the film I might consider it but if you and your DC aren’t ready then that’s completely fine.

The sleepovers are a completely different thing as unlike the other examples they are parent supervised. That should come down to whether your DC wants to do them and if you trust the other parents but I do think 8 is quite old to not be allowed yet.

I just say no. My DS is about to turn 8 and I won't be allowing him to go anywhere without an adult present until around 10 years old/Year 6.