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Has/is anyone planning a wake at the moment?

6 replies

MintyCedric · 31/05/2021 10:56

My dad passed away a week ago and funeral is scheduled for mid-June, just before full restrictions are (hopefully) lifted. Funeral director has advised that we can have some kind of gathering afterwards but trying to make arrangements is proving a nightmare.

Our preferred venue is already booked.

We don't want to have it at mine or mum's house as it's a lot of work for us, only one upstairs toilet at each property, very limited kitchen space and indoor cats that would need to be coralled or go into a cattery at mine. TBH we don't really want to be confronted by the memories of the day in our own homes either.

Mum (who holds the purse strings) is over analysing everything about who might come/not come, whether they will stay, how much it will cost (fwiw there are no financial issues), the fact that dad 'didn't want a fuss'. I don't think sandwiches and cake, and alcoholic drink on arrival for those that want it and unlimited tea/coffee qualifies as a huge fuss, especially as most attendees will have travelled some distance.

Local community hall is no longer doing private hires; have contacted local church about their rooms and waiting to hear back although dad was an atheist so that doesn't feel quite right and still leaves us with all the catering and logistics.

This leaves pubs, but trying to find one with availability in less than three weeks that doesn't charge extortionate room hire or about £15 a head for a sarnie and a flapjack is proving challenging. It also needs to have a fair bit of parking.

I'm at a complete loss, have no backup whatsoever as I'm an only child, and between trying to sort everything out and hold my mum together have had no chance to even think about grieving my own loss.

Any platitudes, advice...anything really, would be hugely appreciated. TIA.

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 31/05/2021 10:57

Also unsure how the gathering will work in terms of social distancing and regs around provision of food etc...

OP posts:
Horsemad · 31/05/2021 12:29

Sorry about your Dad. Flowers
Is there a local sports hall type place you could use and maybe outside caterers or M&S buffet type food?

MintyCedric · 31/05/2021 17:41

We've now heard back from one pub that ticks all the boxes, waiting to hear from another for comparison so hopefully will have something sorted by the end of tomorrow.

Dad's been ill for 18 months so I we had some note re planning for this but didn't realise how much was involved tbh.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 31/05/2021 17:53

I hope you manage to get sorted. It's much easier to handover the catering arrangements to someone else, rather than having the additional stress yourselves.🤞

pinkcattydude · 31/05/2021 18:03

I am sorry for your loss and Covid etc makes this do much harder. We had DF funeral in April, we didn’t do a wake as at the time we could go to the lovely local but it had to be only one household per table and no mixing. IMHO that is the opposite of what a wake should be, instead we are planning a garden party for those that would have attended. When we can do it. Not helpful to you I’m sure. But it’s how we dealt with it

MintyCedric · 31/05/2021 18:11

@pinkcattydude I'm sorry for your loss...that must have been so difficult.

Fortunately we can have up to 30 for the wake which will be immediate family/those coming long distance.

Most of them are too far away/elderly to bank on them being able to make a second trip unfortunately, but it's manageable if we can get a place sorted.

Mum (who is usually very organised/capable) is just not coping with any of the decision making and I'm having to spoon feed her re what needs doing but then she's getting upset because she feels like I'm 'being controlling'.

I don't feel like I can grieve until I know all the arrangements are taken care of.

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