Tell me the one thing that makes it all worth while?

[User456987]

NC for this as I think I'm just having a wobble this weekend.

I've never in my life been 100% sure that I want kids. I've varied between 50% and 99.9% for the most part. It seems like too enormous a decision to have no doubts whatsoever about so I'm ok with that.

I spent a lot of my early 30s single and trying hard to convince myself and others that I absolutely DID NOT want them, largely to cushion myself from the fact it might not happen anyway, and to silence those who helpfully reminded me the clock was ticking

Then I met my amazing DP, fell madly in love and the possibility appeared. We stopped using contraception coming up a year ago now but still no sign. We're both late 30s.

The last few days I've been having a wobble. Reading a lot on here about how hard it is with kids, people who regret it, people having a really tough time etc. Worrying about the potential for disabilities or illness that would make it all very much harder. Thinking of the easy, selfish, lazy days we're having this bank holiday and imagining a difficult baby or hyperactive child or petulant teen in the mix (note that my brain will not let me paint a lovely easy child into this picture).

I think/hope that this is a subconscious reaction to it not being as easy / quick as we hoped. Like again I'm preparing myself for the fact it might not happen for us by focusing all my energy on building up the cons we'd 'escape' so that I've no head space left to mourn the lack of all the pros we'd miss out on.

So, if you're still reading this (and well done if you are) please would you tell me the one thing that makes it all worthwhile? What makes the tears and stress and tantrums and lack of sleep worth it? What moment of the day or week or year makes you grateful for your children?

Hmmmm it's hard to put it neatly like that. I was ambivalent about kids before I had them (and sometimes still am!) but on balance they make my life richer, funnier and more interesting

It is without a doubt the hardest thing having kids, especially a toddler which I have now, to the point im not sure I could handle 2!! Having said that I absolutely cannot imagine life without him. He is my everything, I have this overwhelming feeling of needing to love and protect him!

I wasnt maternal at ALL, and I've bossed it so far if I do say so myself 😂. Just be prepared for life to never be the same as you know it now, its not worse just completely different and your priorities change completely. I saw it as the next chapter.

U just have to go with a life's flow. No amount of planning and overthinking will guarantee anything. Life rarely goes to plan.

When I was pg with mine in mid-30s I remember worrying sick about disabilities due to age even though we had no disabilities in family then. My oh said then that he had never heard of anyone who regretted having children

Now we do because DC is disabled

You just have to accept what life throws at you.

I am struggling with parenting at the minute, I probably have been for the last year. Yes, my life would be easier if I didnt have a toddler who likes to wake up early in the morning. Yes, my life would be easier if I didnt have to worry about DS with his SN. If I didnt have to make their food and organise everything for them, my life would be easier. Does that mean I regret having them? Absolutely not.

If I had to pick a reason I am most grateful that I have them right now:
DS (7yo) is so kind and caring and actually tries to take care of me. He makes me feel loved. I'm super proud of his achievements given that some things are harder for him to achieve with his SN.
DS (2yo) has really brightened up our lives since he came along. His smile makes me smile, his laugh makes my heart melt.
We gave stressful times together but also have amazing times together. My life would feel incomplete without them.

I’ve got 3, who are teens/pre teen. I didn’t want kids, but then hormones. I’m not a big fan of children generally, unless they are mine! It’s different. Sometimes it’s really hard (esp as one of mine has a disability), sometimes hilarious, sometimes boring, sometimes they teach me lessons about life (inadvertently). But then, if I hadn’t had kids, I might have had a more interesting career, better mental health etc. Or I might have carried on clubbing and with recreational drugs and been a complete car crash. Who knows? I don’t think about it really.
I was surprised by how strongly I felt about my children after they were born. With my eldest, I felt like a lioness, so protective. Each stage of growing has had its good and bad parts (mainly good). Right now, I’m (mostly) proud of how they are developing into caring young people. But the thing that makes it all worthwhile is simply love.

Life is definitely richer. It's hard mostly because you seldom get to do what you actually want to any more, but to a large extent you get used to it. I wouldn't be without them. They're interesting, sweet, lovable, constantly changing. I have the occasional 'this is hard' moment but I wouldn't go back. Partly because I was never very into my career so life before kids seemed fun but a bit empty. And it does get easier. They're 5 and 1 now and seem to be peacefully entertaining each other or quietly destroying the house, who knows while I have coffee in bed.

If you come through your wobble I recommend using ovulation tests (if you're not already). It took us over a year to conceive DS1 and it turned out we just had the timing of the cycle slightly wrong. Only 6 months to conceive Dd2 even though DH was traveling a lot and I was 42.