Violent child in Reception class.

[jumpingjackbeans]

Hello,

More experienced parents advice needed please!

My eldest is in Reception. Full disclosure he has SEN and receives 1-1 support under an EHCP. His 1-1 is not 'on top' of him constantly because we're trying to allow independence but is available at all times. He generally functions very well at school to the point other parents don't realise he has SEN (different story at home!).

Since September I have had to speak to the class teacher seven times about incidences where DS has been punched, kicked, scratched, pushed over etc by the same child. I am not the only parent, this has happened to several children and one (not mine) has gone from loving school to frequently refusing to go.

Tiny class (tiny school) and very well staffed. Ratio in Reception is 1 adult to 5 children.

School say - to all parents who have spoken to them - that they're working with the child and parents. Parents are very vocal (on parents WhatsApp group) about how strong willed and 'spirited' their child is. There is no suggestion of SEN (although I know that means nothing at this age and it could well be a factor) parents have openly said their child is fine and school make a fuss about what is normal reception age behaviour.

I appreciate a bit of rough and tumble at reception age is going to happen but surely, going into 'proper' school next year this can't be allowed to continue? School have outlined to us how different Year 1 is from Reception and how the days will be much more sitting and learning than play-based learning. Violent child's parents have again been vocal (to other parents) that their child won't be sitting at a desk all day having missed 'so much' early years education because of COVID and the school need to realise this.

I have explained that the teacher that I do not expect my child to be hit in school, that I find repeated incidences unacceptable and asked what they are going to do to stop this from happening to my child again (I've had this conversation several times). Teacher just says that they do their best and keep a close eye but they can't always get there in time to stop things and that as an inclusive school they can't keep the violent child away from others, it's not fair and how will she learn?

I suspect that more incidences will follow after half term. Do I need to get more formal if it does? Complaint to HT?

Thanks!

@Soontobe60

I think all your other parent friends who have a child that has been hit by this violent child should get a petition up to have the child removed from the school. That way they’ll be in a perfect little bubble of perfect little children and never have to mix with such thugs.

@Soontobe60 can you explain why you think your OP is being unreasonable? Or do you just enjoy being passive aggressive?

I would bet an extremely large amount of money that this child either has an undiagnosed disability or that they have been subjected to trauma.
"Thinking time" isn't working clearly, this child needs more and different approaches.
If they were 12 and the parents were saying "no darling, you don't need to listen to the teachers" then that would be different but at 5 they are acting this way because they are distressed in some way.

@HollowTalk

Doesn't anyone respond to the parents on the WA group? I'd find it hard not to.

It's hard. One, because obviously it's very awkward. Two, because were not allowed to air issues directly with other parents and three because when things are mentioned it might be one mum saying 'oh little Johnny has been a nightmare this week, tired from school, having tantrums at bedtime and refusing to do his reading books/phonics, were at our wits end any suggestions?!'

Then the child's mum will pipe up 'oh yes, we've had school calling us in and telling us off again this week because apparently little Doris has been rather over exuberant again. I don't know what they expect from a just five year old who has missed so much normal socialising because of COVID, it's normal to struggle with emotional regulation at this age I wouldn't worry!'

I mean what can you say to that? Six (or whatever) other parents piling on isn't going to be productive, is it?

Ask to see the incident/accident book. Every assault should be recorded.

My dd was that violent child last year

I was annoyed the school wasn't watching her properly. She moved school and has been so much better and isn't violent at all. It's It's school not the parents so don't confront the parents but the school need to be dealing with it and ensuring parents know.

I wasn't been told until a parent shouted at me in the school grounds. I banned ipad and outdoor play. But I also found out the other kids was getting in my dd face etx and shouting.

@toocold54

Is this happening during class or during break? The issue is that if it’s break the teachers and TAs aren’t always on the playground or same area so miss a lot of what your DC will be telling you.

They're in Reception they're always fully supervised even at break/lunch and much of their day is outside (COVID) learning through play and 'forest schooling' in the garden area. The teachers and TAs just take their breaks in shifts. 2 go at a time. Ratio is still 1:10 during these times so shouldn't be a problem.

It happens all the time anyway.

My dd has no sen but she hates shouting. As said fine now she moved school

Ok. You have no idea what's really going on, and the school would be unprofessional to tell you. If it's as bad as you say, then there's no way the school are ignoring it. You've said the parents have admitted to being called in- that's because something is obviously going on behind the scenes.

Your WhatsApp group sounds like a nightmare. That will calm down as the novelty of having kids in school starts to wear off- but any of our school WhatsApp groups would be stopping people having those discussions. You have breakout WhatsApp groups for social discussions.

Don't worry about other people's kids, but do write down every incident in an email when it occurs to yours. That'll be useful to the school in trying to get extra help for the child/ showing the parents there's a problem.

If it was me, which it isn't, I'd be writing something 'professional' and non-confrontational on the WhatsApp group next time loud parents make a comment e.g. I'm so glad the school is addressing the 'exuberant' behaviour. Most children find the violence of 'exuberant' children unpleasant, bullying, and painful.

That WhatsApp group really isn't bad. Like I say it's a tiny class so it's small and there isn't very much general chatter on there, definitely no silly memes etc like I hear about from other groups/schools. It's mostly 'it is PE day on Tuesday' or 'has anyone got Bob's jumper?' Lots of sharing of resources for lockdown, it actually only started because of lockdown.

There probably only two or three little flurries of messages a week.

But there have been comments like the example below, and whenever anything about behaviour is mentioned Vocal Parents will pipe up about normal behaviour and how the children have suffered terribly missing some of reception and no wonder they don't know how to behave/won't know how to handle Y1. They only missed a few weeks! Not ideal obviously, for any of us, but they hardly had a year off.

I wouldn't expect school to tell me exactly what's going on with the other child. Parents obviously do know although I don't think they know who or about all of the individual incidences. I say this because the one incident they definitely know about affecting my friends child both parents were present because it happened as they were going into school and both parents were called in before they'd left, after after that Vocal Parents contacted my friend to say sorry her child had been hit, they'd asked the child to say sorry (which she did). My friend said thank you for getting in touch and she'd leave it to the school to deal with it as it wasn't the first time, and they said they were unaware of any previous incidences involving my friends child. My friend has spoken to the school several times, same as I have.

The teacher hit the nail on the head. They have a duty of care to all children saying that they can't get there in time to stop a child being assaulted knowing that it is going to happen is not good enough. Where is the duty of care in that response? Obviously more resources need to be applied to this situation but as long as you keep your complaints low level then this is how it will be dealt with. I would have been in to see the Head and the school Governors after the second incident, especially knowing that mine wasn't the only child to be hit.