Driving Anxiety

[Notachanceinheaven]

I passed my driving test just before lockdown - however with lockdown I was unable to go anywhere meaningful. Have been out since with my OH and he picks on every single mistake I make and when the car cut out at lights (I didn't think I had stalled) he told me I wasn't fit to be on the road - he has driven since he was 17 and straight after passing he was driving on the motorway.

I used to be confident with my instructor, and although I had driving anxiety before (actually I had travelling in a car anxiety too after being in 2 crashes), with him I could go anywhere. He doesn't do lessons for those who have passed, and the only one I have found who does, has a 6 month wait.

My confidence is now in shreds. What do I do now? What would you do if you were me?

I also am a fairly new driver. Passed my test around 5 years ago, but didn't buy a car as transport links were good and didn't have anywhere I needed to travel to particularly.

Bought my first car in November last year and have only been on short trips where I know the route like the back of my hand e.g parents house which is about 1hr drive.

My partner on the other hand has been driving for several years and is a confident driver - his confidence makes me anxious too & I refuse to drive with him in the car as I feel as if he will judge me e.g driving "slowly" being too hesitant etc.

I also have a friend who feels the same and finds that when she is with her partner feels as if she makes mistakes she wouldn't normally make!

Maybe practice on your own for a bit to build up confidence and tell him that if he is going to not pick he isn't welcome in your car.

Those who have been driving for years often forget how daunting it can be as a new driver and think it should just come naturally!

Are you able to book some extra driving lessons with an instructor? This will get your confidence back up and ultimately make you safer on the road too. I would also get a green P plate for the car so that other road users can give you more space if you are unsure. It's just as difficult for others if the car ahead appears to be very hesitant and unpredictable

*nit pick

Also to add, strange that he doesn't do lessons for those who have passed as most driving schools offer refresher lessons or some form of pass plus to build drivers confidence on different areas eg night time driving, motorways etc.

I did a few refresher lessons as I was worried about driving with DD in the car but find that I am much calmer and rational when on my own! At least if I do stall or make silly mistakes it is just me and her in the car - and while I know I over think, my issue is mainly not wanting to look silly.

Id tell him to get out and fucking walk.

Id go out on my own, when it's quiet, just little trips to places I'll normally be driving to. (Work, supermarket, friend's.)

Other suggestions - have a couple of booster lessons with your driving instructor. Play calming music in the car (for me that's Classic FM or radio 4).

My confidence is now in shreds. What do I do now? What would you do if you were me?

Get rid of your husband for a start. What a prick.

Then book some refresher/confidence building lessons.

Your problem here is not your driving, it is by far your cunty husband.

Do you also have any empty carparks near you on weekends - industrial estate etc that you could practice in? It is more stressful driving with someone else in the car regardless so don't feel you are alone on that one.

Go out yourself and don't let your partner in the car with you, no wonder your confidence is in bits if he's saying stuff like that to you!

When I passed my step dad drove me to an industrial estate and I drove around there to get used to the feel of my car and just practising junctions. Could you do something like that?

The next day I went out alone and just drove around the town. I was a nervous wreck I actually posted a thread on here before I went out for advice. I stalled a lot, I panicked a bit but that was the day where everything clicked into place for me and I just kept driving since.

Your confidence will come back quickly when you tell the OH to shut the hell up.

Sad little people like this annoy me. He's not confident or he wouldn't feel the need to comment. I've got 4 licences am very confident on the road and would never say this. (Bar if they were genuinely dangerous but it really doesn't sound like you are....fine I accept you may be hesitant but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be on the road)

I bet captain golden penis made mistakes when he was a new driver as well and if he says he didn't then he's more dangerous than you are.

Refuse to drive him anywhere and go and practise somewhere quietly by yourself

And consider whether to continue my relationship with him.

Thanks for your advice. I'm going to drive round the local area that I know well, and book some lessons with an instructor to try and get my confidence back. I know I need to tackle this anxiety head on or it will spread.

I've already told OH that he wouldn't make a good driving instructor with comments like that. I have a map in my head of every single mistake I've made, he forgets his instantly.

Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone.

It is no crime to lack confidence in driving. Especially given that at least 20% of people with licences have them who in my opinion should not (medical conditions for some, conduct by others such as men with Audis or BMWs who are sexually inadequate).

Travel without your OH and quietly practice.

I've already told OH that he wouldn't make a good driving instructor with comments like that.

Goodness, is that all?

This isn't about driving. It's about putting you down, belittling you. It's abuse.

Your dp is an arse.

I bet your partner isn't nearly as good a driver as he thinks he is. Probably cocky enough to pass his test first time and the cockiness never went away. Doesn't mean his driving is that great. I bet if the MNers on this thread all got in with him we'd find plenty of criticise! Nobody is a perfect driver.

Tell him to get out of the car and drive on your own, you'll be better off.

If you can afford to do the passplus course you will benefit from it, but obviously all instructors are fully booked currently so you may have to wait to find availability for one to do it with you. In the meantime drive around quiet roads when you can.