Toilet training 4 year old

[Pinksundownbeast]

Hi mums I'm in a bit of a pickle with my 4.5 year old boy who refuses to poop on the toilet. I started to potty train him when he was 3 all was going well till he started nursery. There was a set back. Now he is due to start school in August after the summer and it's stressing me out. He had moved out of nappies and was in big boy pants I did clean lot of mess then we moved back to nappies for poop only. He asks for it when he needs to go. I have tried bribing him with everything nothing is working. I'm also showing him potty training videos on YouTube and also have asked him to sit on toilet seat with nappy on. He says he doesn't like it and comes right off. Any help and idea would be appreciated. Thanks

Sounds like he's got a bit of a phobia about the toilet.

This is what I'd do:

• Talk to him about what he doesn't like about the toilet, or just acknowledge with him that's it's ok to be scared and that when he tries to go he's been very brave.
• Then I'd get a massive cardboard box and draw a toilet- with funny face, five eyes, big smiley and chat to your son about what the toilet is like. I.e what's his name? What does he like doing? What does he eat? Discuss his favourite food being poo poo. Can he help to feed the toilet his favourite food? Turn it into a fun game if you can.
• I'd also probably kinda hold him/cuddle him and say "as soon as you're ready to get off I'll take you off" and just build him up slowly.

I only suggest this because I imagine you've tried sticker charts, etc etc.

I had to get mine a furby, a big expense bribe basically. Put boxed furby on a shelf by the potty so he could see his "reward" if he went for a poo.

I stopped asking/cajoling or even mentioning a poo and took all emotion out of it, gave him a nappy if he asked and cleaned him afterwards in silence, no "you could have done that on the potty!" chat, it's hard but only took him 3 days to crack.

Watching because we are in the same position with our 3.5 year old.

ERIC recommends really gentle steps to get them pooing on the toilet. So if he won’t sit on the toilet with a nappy on then get him to do it in the bathroom, then edge closer and closer to the toilet every day with a nappy on. They have a case study of a boy who would only poo in a nappy in his bedroom, so they used masking tape to mark a spot on the floor, and they moved him gradually closer to the bathroom, then onto the toilet, then put the nappy on the toilet seat.

My 3.5 year old will currently only poo in her nappy when she’s asleep. I’m finding it so hard to deal with.

Yes I have tried all charts and made him a sweet box which was left for only after he did poop on toilet he could see it it was there for him waiting. He does do poop in nappy in the bathroom with no trousers on. It took a while to get to that stage

Now I'm thinking if send him to school in a nappy he might poop there if send him without a nappy he might have an accident which is no good. He understands all big boys and girls have to go to the bathroom to poop. I have tried sticking the nappy to the toilet seat is well with that he completely refuses to sit on toilet. Health visitor not much help nursery not much help I have spoken to everyone.

Sounds like a good idea I will make him a toilet out of a box or something and will talk about it hopefully it will help. Thanks ladies also furby is a good idea I will try that too. Thanks agian

I had similar with ds who wouldn't do a poo in the toilet until 4.5.
Eric were really helpful to us. The first thing they said was to back right off and stop making a big thing of it.Ask him to sit on the toilet for 5 mins every so often and give him something he likes- a book, video on your phone, blowing bubbles to encourage him. If he won't do it don't make a big thing but he doesn't get the fun thing. Refer to it as toilet time don't mention poo at all. We also got the potty out again (which I know sounds ridiculous for a 4 year old) and put it his bedroom - told him if he felt he needed a poo he could take himself off on his own and try that and then shout if anything happened don't even tell us if it doesn't.
No fuss if he poos in the nappy just take it off clean him and carry on.

Being much more relaxed about it and taking the pressure off really worked, he started to poo in the potty within a fortnight and the toilet 2-3 weeks later!

Try putting a nappy on the potty so he's still pooing into the potty. Encourage him to sit on the potty/loo whenever he can, let him watch Cbeebies or whatever he enjoys. Try to avoid pressure.

Make sure he is sitting securely on the toilet - seat insert that won't move, feet supported and raised so knees are above hip level.

Put toilet paper in the pan so there is no splash.

Try to get a routine now where he will poo 1-2 times a day at times that will not be school hours, so sit on after breakfast, tea, bath. Blow bubbles to relax muscles.

Will definitely try all that. I do give him nappy when asked and he tells me once he is done .he does it in the bathroom I don't say anything and clean him it's just moving on from there is a struggle. I will try the tricks from here and see where we go 🤞. Hopefully everything will work out. Thanks

ERIC were helpful for us, but the best thing we found was after starting school we were referred to a children's continence nurse, she has been brilliant and so supportive - we were in a similar situation and DS is now using the toilet. Apparently HV could have referred earlier, so may be worth pushing with yours and finding out if there's a similar service in your area. Best if luck, it's such a stressful situation but it can get better.

Thanks will definitely speak to the health visitor.

Can you make just sitting on the toilet part of a routine - no matter if he goes or not? With my DS it was after lunch, a friends son was before bathtime. They sat on the toilet but with a step stool to put their feet on, with the iPad. Deal was they had to sit for an episode of a favourite show. We found they had to learn to sit long enough to relax the muscles to poo. You can’t just sit down and it immediately comes.
After a few days one came whilst watching and they realised it wasn’t such a bad thing. Then over time it becomes routine and you lose the iPad etc. Although I think my friends DS was about 8 or 9 before they stopped the routine of a sit on the toilet before a bath as otherwise he just held on.

Poo goes to pooland app was a game changer in our house.
We also had a toilet step which has handles and is all bright colours from amazon.
My 4yo ds still hates public toilets and won't go in for love nor money but manages to wee at school. I've trained him to poo once a day before school hours.

Would he use a potty instead, just to get used to the feeling of doing it without a nappy? Then progress to the toilet after that?

And as a pp said, tablet with a favourite game or whatever while they sit.

Same issue here. Took a year and a half after he was otherwise toilet trained and drove me absolutely demented.

In the end we got a very secure seat with handles and a step for his feet and then I offered ridiculous bribes. We started off with he got a collectible toy just for being in the bathroom using his nappy. Then a toy for sitting on the loo using his nappy. Then undoing one side. Then undoing both. Then inching the nappy down the loo. He was really motivated to add to his toy collection and after a couple of weeks we’d cracked it. The key was rewarding each little step and making the reward something a bit addictive so they wanted the next one. One big reward “a toy for pooing in the toilet” would never have worked, it had to be lots of little steps.

Will definitely try to sit him once a day as a routine and give him his favourite shows to watch and also try bribing him nwith toy selection. Some great ideas that I haven't tried yet. Will definitely all this . Thanks 😘