What should I do now?

[Vinie]

Hi, I would like some advice on what to do next.

So I've been seeing this guy for 2 months now. Things been going great, we went on a few dates and been texting everyday and video call at night sometimes. We're both busy with work, uni and other commitments but always try and find time to go on a date when we can, but at the moment its only every 2 weeks that we meet up.

Last Thursday we got into a small fight cause he wanted to cancelled our date because he wanted to work on his assignment, I understand that uni is important but it stillmade me quite upset since we already hardly see each other in person. He also got upset that I wasn't being understanding so we stop talking for 3 days (yes we''re both stubborn). I decided to msg him on Monday and he ignored me till Tuesday morning. He said that he is still upset and that he need time to cool off and think. I reply back that I understand he need space and hope we can sort it out once his ready. Then the conversation continue and eventually he said that he don't even know why we still talking about this since it was such a small fight, I agree and said we should just forget about it. Then he start talking to me about his puppy and we started talking like normal. He didn't msg me on Wednesday so that night I send him a test to ask hows his night been and if he saw the cool red moon. He reply saying he been trying to do his assignment which is due this coming Sunday and haven't been able to go out to look at the moon. I reply and ask if there much to do, and send him a picture of the moon saying this is what it kinda look like. Hedidn't replyback till Thursday morning,he said oh that really cool wish he was able to see it, and that hestill have a lot left to do on his assignment. I then reply and said at least you still have a bit of time before the due date, do your best!

So Thursday morning was the last time we talked. Its Saturday now and he hasn't once message me. I don't know whether since the fight last week his no longer interested in talking to me or it is because of how stressful his assignment is that he don't want to get distracted by talking to me. i'm feeling really anxious not knowing what the reason behind him not messaging me or even to reply back to my last text. Should I just leave him be or should I send him another message and ask how his assignment going.

I think you already know the reason? He clearly sounds stressed about his assignment and has a deadline to meet. You need to be supportive. Its not about you. I don't mean that in a rude way..

@AGirlsGotToDo

I think you already know the reason? He clearly sounds stressed about his assignment and has a deadline to meet. You need to be supportive. Its not about you. I don't mean that in a rude way..

i understand it can be really stressful. I do want to be supportive of him as well. I just don't know what the best way to do it. should I just leave him space until he submit after Sunday or send him a message and ask how his going even though he hasn't really reply back or talk since the last time I texted.

Leave the poor man alone, and honestly, I don't think he's that into you.

I would send him a message saying "missing you" why don't you send him some chocolate or sweets, to get him through?

@Aquamarine1029 that's just mean!! It doesn't sound like that at all.

Don't chase him. Leave it for now, see if he resurfaces. At this point you're establishing boundaries. If it's all him sulking and you chasing, that's how it will stay.

He's busy and you've been bugging him.

Back off and see if he comes to you.

I'd give up with him. It should be easy at this stage. No one is so busy they can't send a text or make a quick call. If he was bothered he would manage it.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Don't chase him. Leave it for now, see if he resurfaces. At this point you're establishing boundaries. If it's all him sulking and you chasing, that's how it will stay.

It’s not about him sulking, it’s about him telling her multiple times he’s trying to finish a piece of work and her constantly asking how it’s going when he’s made it abundantly clear he just needs left alone to finish it 😤 That would drive me mad, if he’s any sense he’s switched his phone off

Thanks for all your comments.
It did crossed my mind that if he was really interested in me like he said he is, then he could just send a quick msg to say hi. No matter how busy you are, you still need to take a break at some point throughout the day. It show he is active on Facebook all day, but that could be him being on the computer and left it on, i don't know for sure.
I feel I'm trying to make excuses for him, like maybe his the type that can't multitask or the workload is just too overwhelmed that he can't get distracted. I think I did enough so I won't send him another message.

He keeps telling you that he’s busy. Listen to him.

It's been two months& you've only seen each other a few times.

I don't think he's that into you or he'd WANT to message you, even if it was only 'I'm shattered, assignment is/isn't going well, hope you're having more fun than me, speak to you soon. Nite x'

Or whatever.

Stop wasting your time agonising over it, do other stuff and see what happens & how you feel when he gets in touch.

He’s busy trying to finish his assignment and you’re bugging him, if I told someone I had work to prioritise and they went in a mood with me I’d be irritated too.

Give him some space, if I was him I’d be thinking you were a bit needy.

since we started seeing each other, we msg everyday and talk on the phone most night and recently video as well. So I thought things were going good until that fight.

I did leave him alone, he finally msged after 2 days and told me that he needed time to think and he realised he is not ready to be in a relationship. He said the fight made him think that things might get worse in the near future. He said i'm a great girl but he just not ready and doesn't want to hold me back from potential relationship. He said he want time for himself and to analyse what he really want. He did like me and always look forward to my msg daily. He sorry that he wasted my time.

I don't know whether to accept that he really is not ready for a relationship or is it because I scared him off with that fight and his no longer interested in me. If his no longer interested in me, I wish he could just tell me so I won't have to keep wondering. Now I can't stop blaming myself for chasing him away.

You didn't chase him away.
He freaked out when he realised you were invested in dating him, which could potentially lead to a relationship he's clearly not ready for.
You're worth more than chasing someone, when they've told you they aren't ready for something more than dates every now and then.
I'd try and get him and out of your mind and if he reaches out later great..
Hope your ok it never nice situation..

Thank you, I've been trying to get him out of my mind. My friends been very supportive as well. I hope it won't take long to forget him. It still hurt a bit but I am a lot better now.