Married 9 years to DH. 3 years ago he left his job due to depression that he got no help for. Finances started going down hill so I went back to full time work. I work away a couple weeks at a time then back home for a couple of weeks. We have 3 DC. I was home a couple of weeks ago and told DH I wanted to separate. But a bit of background last October I found out all the money I sent to him for bills (in my name but came out his bank account) he had gambled away for months. Basically robbing Peter to pay paul. I sent him majority of my wage just keeping what I needed for things like my mobile etc. I wanted him to leave then I had to have counselling to come to terms with all that is happening etc. Then my mom had a heart attack, so I never said anything. Life happens b days Xmas etc. One of my gripes is that everytime I go home DP has the house in a state. I don’t clean when I go home I gut rooms when I am home it’s that bad. Since last year I have said I am not happy I am happier when I am at work. He claims Iv never said this before. I do nothing whilst at home all I do is clean. We do nothing as a family. I take DC out when I can. So I got home a couple weeks ago and everything is a mess. My room that I had literally gutted before I left the DC rooms as well, it’s like I had done nothing. I couldn’t even unpack my suitcase! Once DC were in bed I told DH I couldn’t do this anymore, I wasn’t happy I wanted a separation I needed time to myself to think. I asked if he would pls go to his parents house while I was home to give me time to think. He refused saying he would rather sleep in his car or on the couch. This lasted 2 nights then he started coming to bed. He never went to work for a week and landed up getting fired the following week, apparently his time keeping wasn’t good. It never has been tbh. Iv asked for space and I don’t get it. If I went to the kitchen he followed me. If I went to have my coffee outside he followed me. If I was in the shower he would follow me. I left the house one afternoon with the dog to go for a walk. He messaged asking where I was I never replied cause I needed time out. Then he messages saying kids are asking where you are and sent them to my mothers. I actually wasn’t there. When I got home I said I don’t have to tell him where I am going or what I am doing we are separated. Maybe shouldn’t have said that but I was annoyed. He does not accept the separation he says. My problem is I’m the only one working I pay for all the bills due to his gambling, I can go far in this company so don’t want to give my job up. Getting a job closer to home or with better hours is not an option as I don’t drive yet. I also don’t want to “give up” my DC. They are my life. I don’t know where to go from here. If I was a man and wanting a separation/divorce the man would generally leave and the mother would be left with DC. So yes I suppose I should be doing the same because it’s me who is not happy but I can’t bare the thought of not seeing my children😢