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Am I just insecure?

16 replies

Iamme23 · 28/05/2021 17:46

To cut my story as short as possible, I have insecurities with my partner and social media due to him constantly reacting to attractive women's photos and having flirty banter in the first year of our relationship. He decided to prove they didn't mean anything by un-friending them all including all randoms and female work colleagues. He stated that he didn't want his work and personal life to mix and that he barely goes on his social media account anyway nor does he post much but recently I've discovered he's accepted several friend requests all from female work colleagues. Some he explained they probably added him because he talks about me and we're expecting a baby so maybe they wanted to 'put a face to a name' or that he knows their partner well. But one of the women I asked about he just said "she's just someone from work" which touched a nerve for some reason. The way I see it I don't see the relevance of befriending these women especially after all of his previous claims as to why he unfriended them in the first place. I can't help but wonder how long it will be before more are accepted and then he starts to react to their pics again. I know my insecurities are bad but had he not acted like he did in the first place I might feel differently and less bothered about this now. He's also been very distant recently and when I mentioned it and the reasons why, he apologised and said he can see why I'm going off like I am, but he's still friends with them and trying to act like nothing has happened. It's almost like he doesn't respect me or my feelings at all. Is it purely just me and my insecurities or do i actually have a valid point here?

OP posts:
BeachWaves2 · 28/05/2021 17:50

And this is why Im not on social media 😕

ConfusedAdultFemale · 28/05/2021 17:52

Why’ve you got two threads on this?

Iamme23 · 28/05/2021 17:54

Oops, I tried to get rid of the other one because of a spelling error but I clearly don't know what I'm doing lol

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katy1213 · 28/05/2021 17:55

Perhaps you could encourage him to find work in an all-male environment where he will never as much as say good morning to another woman? French Foreign Legion might be recruiting.

Movealongmovealong · 28/05/2021 17:58

I have no insecurities about my partner. The only SM I have is MN.. if you can call it that. Makes life a lot less dramatic.

whosappleman · 28/05/2021 17:59

I really feel for you but unless you've missed loads out then this sounds like a you problem.

He'd come across weird to not accept requests from colleagues if this is the norm at his place of work.

Have you considered therapy? CbT or something like that?

Iamme23 · 28/05/2021 17:59

It's not an issue him talking to another woman, I know he does at work. It's the principle of him saying one thing (like what I want to hear) and doing another knowing it would upset me. To say he doesn't want work colleagues knowing his personal life and then having them on his personal profile is a bit baffling to me for a start.

OP posts:
JellyTumble · 28/05/2021 18:02

There’s nothing wrong with having work colleagues on social media Confused If he has male ones, why wouldn’t he have female ones?

Sounds like you hounded him over a non-issue and he just wanted to stop your whining 🤷‍♀️

whosappleman · 28/05/2021 18:12

@Iamme23

It's not an issue him talking to another woman, I know he does at work. It's the principle of him saying one thing (like what I want to hear) and doing another knowing it would upset me. To say he doesn't want work colleagues knowing his personal life and then having them on his personal profile is a bit baffling to me for a start.
Yeah he was a bit wet to not say his intentions from the beginning. But what would you have said/done had he told you he'd be carrying on as normal?
Iamme23 · 28/05/2021 18:24

I wouldn't be with him. When we first got together he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me whilst also flirting with other women on social media, calling it banter 🙄 asking a woman if they want to see the soles of their feet in his wing mirrors didn't show much commitment for me.. Yes it's a funny statement but not when you're in talks of becoming serious with Someone. He also took a photo of a girl in really short shorts to send to his work mate a year ago before realising it was wrong and deleting all 3 pics. Unfortunately for him I'd already seen them. There is a lot more than I've originally posted, I just didn't want to drone on

OP posts:
someonesomewhere1 · 28/05/2021 18:28

Just come off social media if it's making you this insecure.

Pollypocket89 · 28/05/2021 18:34

Ew that's not a funny statement. It just sounds gross

LittleBirdBlu · 28/05/2021 18:39

Honestly if you can't handle your partner having a female friends regardless of past social media behaviour, you really shouldn't be in a relationship Hmm

whosappleman · 28/05/2021 18:49

@Iamme23

I wouldn't be with him. When we first got together he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me whilst also flirting with other women on social media, calling it banter 🙄 asking a woman if they want to see the soles of their feet in his wing mirrors didn't show much commitment for me.. Yes it's a funny statement but not when you're in talks of becoming serious with Someone. He also took a photo of a girl in really short shorts to send to his work mate a year ago before realising it was wrong and deleting all 3 pics. Unfortunately for him I'd already seen them. There is a lot more than I've originally posted, I just didn't want to drone on
Ahh okay so there's loads you left out. In that case he sounds like an absolute prick and you need to get rid! What a jerk
Nicolastuffedone · 28/05/2021 18:56

@Iamme23

I wouldn't be with him. When we first got together he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me whilst also flirting with other women on social media, calling it banter 🙄 asking a woman if they want to see the soles of their feet in his wing mirrors didn't show much commitment for me.. Yes it's a funny statement but not when you're in talks of becoming serious with Someone. He also took a photo of a girl in really short shorts to send to his work mate a year ago before realising it was wrong and deleting all 3 pics. Unfortunately for him I'd already seen them. There is a lot more than I've originally posted, I just didn't want to drone on
…and despite all of that, you hung around and got pregnant.
topwings · 28/05/2021 18:56

You're having a baby with him so I am presuming that you got over the flirting with other women that happened early in your relationship.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned from relationships is that if you say you're over something, you have to actually be over it and not bring it up again unless it happens again - is the flirting happening again or has he just added them as friends? I ask that but really I think it's unhealthy for people to monitor their partner's social media. You either trust him or you don't. It sounds like you don't. Do you want to spend the rest of your life checking up on him?

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