Friend quite ill.....

[littlefireseverywhere]

A good friend has stage 4 cancer and is her cancer has now progressed and no more treatment is available. What do I say to her? She's got teenage children, I found out through another friend who'd been asked to tell everyone. I need to text my friend, but have no idea what to say?

This is terribly sad. I have no idea what you could say. I'm sorry for your friend.

It's literally heartbreaking & every emotion you could think of. But obviously sharing my upset with her won't help. I'm angry & sad all at once but don't want to tell her that, telling her how I feel probably isn't very helpful.

I would say how sorry you are to hear her update, that you're thinking of her and her family. Offer to meet up if she wants to, offer practical help she may need, and also let her know she doesn't need to reply to you either. I lost a friend to cancer a few years back and some people went a bit OTT jolly when she was really sick which I know she found annoying (I know they were just trying to be positive). Also I know she hated it that people didn't just talk to her normally about her kids, life, TV, whatever. I'm so sorry, it's utterly shit

From experience I'd say don't ignore the truth and don't make comments about it being ok etc.

A simple text about being sorry to hear the treatment hasn't worked, hoping she doesn't feel too unwell currently and reminding her you're always there for anything (practical or emotional)

Also, depending on what kind of person she is you could be a bit more "well this is completely shit" - I have another friend with cancer who is quite happy with that approach as she can rage and be pissed off and upset about it without it being too 'soppy' (not the right word but hopefully you know what I mean), but it wouldn't be for everyone, I know.

I'd send a card

"really sorry to hear your news from Sue about no more treatment. Are you up for a visit? I'm wondering what help I can offer you and DH/the teens, lets have a chat. Love and hugs"

then follow it up with a phone call/text/email

Thanks I've gone for a simple text, chatty but acknowledging where she is. Thank you, sorry for all those that have experienced this.

Do you know her teenagers well?

I would invite them round for dinner/a movie. Give an exact date rather than say they are welcome any time.

Your friend may appreciate some normality for them, I did this for a friend in similar circumstances and the teens knew they could talk to me if they wanted or just forget about things for a couple of hours. I took my cues from them.

So sorry about your friend.

@gottalovessummer that’s a great idea. One of my DC is close to those teens so will make sure things are arranged.