Who should make first contact?

[hellolilly]

I'm in need of advice. I made the very hard decision to not be a part of my daughters life since she was 4 (she's15 now). I have remained in the background though she doesn't know it. She has had a lovely childhood and most importantly a stable one with parents who adore her, something she wouldn't have had if I'd been involved. I have grown up, sorted myself out and am now settled, married with more children. The eldest has found her on social media and wants to make contact, something I have absolutely forbidden because I don't want to turn her world upside down again. I've always felt that if she wanted contact she would contact me, that even though I would do anything to be a part of her life, I have absolutely no right to make the first move. Anyway I was reading a post on another forum about a woman who was wondering if she should contact her absent father (I'm a mother) and it was unanimous that the absent parent should make first contact and now I don't know what to do for the best. Should i wait for her or make contact?

She's too young to deal with the fallout, do you have letterbox contact with her?

I would wait until she is older; in an idea world you’d contact her dad and be able to try it that way but it sounds like that wouldn’t be a possibility. By contacting her directly you’re putting her in a position where she will have to make adult decisions when she is not an adult and doesn’t have that capability or maturity to decide what is best.
I can imagine this is hard for your 13 year old to understand but she needs to wait too