I've always known I was fat, and always felt fat from a very young age. I saw a photo of me at a birthday party and was shocked and felt sick at how skinny I was compared to how I was made to feel.
An old email account with an email in it called "snowbeau's diet" a diet plan written for me by my (ex)best friend's boyfriend in a bid to make me lose weight.
Emails from that friend berating me and me begging for friendship. She later turned up to meet me for the first time in years and her response was "fucking hell you've got fat". I remember that moment like it was yesterday but reading the emails leading up to that event makes my heart hurt for the younger me.
I'm done with not being good enough anymore. I need closure over all of that and need to learn how to love me for who I am.
I wish I had grown up surrounded by friends and people who loved and valued me for who I was. I'm now realising that I wasn't. That really hurts.