Grave Etiquette

[looklauren]

Would it be appropriate to leave a permanent plant at your brother’s grave?

Yes,

What do you mean permanent? One you bury in the ground?

Depends on the cemetery rules, some are quite strict now on what can/can’t be there past burials.

Generally I would say a simple plant would be fine.

One that will stay small and that you will look after would be fine. One that will overgrow would not.

Check what their policy is on grass cutting. At one of our family graves, they lift the removable plants/wreaths out of the way and cut the grass around the headstones then put the plants/wreaths back. They don’t allow anything permanent as it make grass cutting more time consuming to go around. They do the grass a row at a time.

Are you going to look after it? Rose bushes and trees are nice when they are little....but when people stop tending to them they r a nightmare for staff. And it will need moving when the grave is reopened

Yes, just a small one in a pot.

Normally, no. The grass can't be cut properly.

Would you check it’s ok with the family?

Yes

Would you check it’s ok with the family?
I thought it was for a brother?

Oh good point about grass cutting - is it a lawn cemetery, or will it be on a segregated surround filled with pebbles etc?

Check with the cemetery.

It will die if it isn’t watered very regularly, can you water it regularly enough. Otherwise I would just keep the plant at home and think of your brother whenever you tend it.

My father passed away in March, and we go to the grave every week, or twice a week. An aunt by marriage left a window box with some plants one day. We thought it was lovely and have bought a few small plants in pots now too, and brought them up. We have also brought some of his own flowers which we transferred in to the window box. He was a great gardener and loved his garden. I think it’s fine OP. Sorry for your loss.

If you’re not family (which I don’t understand if it’s your brother) then yes check with the family, then check with the graveyard too.

As a former cemetery manager, I would advise that you ask at the cemetery office. The regulations can vary even between different areas of the same cemetery. That is the only way you will get definitive advice. However, if it is a lawn grave (headstone with grass in front of it) I would expect the answer to be "no".

If you are not the "owner" of the grave, which you probably are not in the case of a brother, then you should also seek the permission of the holder of the deeds to the plot. The deed holder is likely to be your parent if he died young, or his spouse.