CAHMs school referral advice. What happens? No experience in this world whatsoever.

[GilbertsLuckySocks]

Can anyone give me their views on whether this is a good idea, if social services are involved, what is likely to happen etc.

I’ve zero experience in this world, no family history that I know of or personal experience, so I don’t know what to expect, but I’ve only heard CAHMs mentioned in relation to custody cases in child courts so I’m pretty concerned.

My just turned 14 year old daughter has developed severe anxieties over lockdown and whilst her school attendance is still normal, she’s exhibiting mild agoraphobia and other social anxieties, which have resulted in a frozen/mute state whilst in a shop or on rare walks outside.

The school referral will be submitted before this Friday. We’re hoping to get some anxiety counselling from it. But the school SEN referral woman said they’ll first diagnose for ADHD or AST some abbreviation or other, not even sure what they all mean, even though daughter is potentially autistic, something I’ve been avoiding admitting because I’m worried about ‘labelling’ her, and I’m put off by the ‘badge of honour’ status on social media amongst parents who are almost proud of their child’s diagnosis, as if it’s a good thing their child is standing out from the crowd (an horrific ideal for my child).

CAMHS is child and adolescent mental health services. They shouldn't be linked to Social Serviced, unless your child is referred to both agencies.

You may be mixing them up with the similar sounding (but different) CAFCASS, who are social workers (but not Social Services) who advise on Court custody cases.

CAMHS can be really good if you get the right person, but are underfunded. They may not even accept the school's referral first time. I'd also loop in with your daughter's GP - they might be able to refer to other counselling services as well, such as Relate.

I was about to say, there's a good chance they won't even accept the referral, or you'll get signposted to a charity for parenting support. But I think it depends on area and how much pressure is in the system.

If she does get accepted they may screen for ADHD or ASD, but don't worry these are it's not a labels but actual medical diagnoses. And no one will force you to announce it on social media 👍

My elder son was a bit "silly" and unpredictable and got his ASD diagnosis two years ago when he was twelve.

I'm still coming to terms with how I describe it in conversation when it's relevant. It's not a badge of honour because most people chip in and say "they were the same at that age / labels force a child into a certain route etc." The negatives outweigh any bouquets.

But. He is autistic. He does need help and understanding in certain situations. He's getting that help now.

If you're given assessments or referrals via school take them with both hands. Private assessments cost well over a grand.

Not every parent with a child who is struggling makes it public. None of that matters. What might help your daughter? Focus on that.

I was going to say that sounds similar to what happens to me under stress and I'm autistic. A referral to CAMHS isn't a referral to social services. They're the mental health specialists for children and young people.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 40 and spent my life struggling, knowing I was different somehow and searching for the answer. A diagnosis in childhood would have made my life immeasurably better I think. It's not a label that needs to hold anyone back but an explanation for why life is hard. For me this would have meant rather than growing up thinking I was useless for not being able to cope in certain situations, I would have had something concrete to focus on to develop appropriate coping strategies.

I have several degrees and a professional job despite being autistic. I think an earlier diagnosis would have prevented some of the crippling self doubt and low self esteem.

Hope you and your daughter are ok.

If she is autistic, it may be useful to have that confirmed at some point (it can often help in later life to know and understand why you see things differently) but I can totally understand why it might not be the right time now, aged 14 to find that out.

I would see if counselling might be available (Relate? Through GP referral, or if you are able to find privately?)