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Original poster

When did you learn that life wasn't fair?

52 replies

zenithfreedom · 26/05/2021 21:36

They say it's something that's better to learn sooner rather than later. I was never under the impression that life was fair but I learned how really unfair it was when I went on a secondary school trip with a few classmates to India.

One of them grew up in a lower middle class area and constantly complained about their parents never having enough money. Well when we arrived, it was a total shock to all of us. The amount of poverty there (homeless people, dirt, badly paved roads) was shocking. Nothing like one would see in Europe. That girl proclaimed after the trip that it had given her some perspective and she wouldn't be far more grateful.

OP posts:
tnetenba · 27/05/2021 15:15

Seems so insignificant in the face of previous comments but the time that it hit home the most was when my first nice car was badly damaged and the person who had done it drove off without leaving any details. I was too young for it to be worthwhile claiming on insurance so I had to save up and spend a month's wages on getting it fixed. Reading the above comments I was obviously lucky to have a car, be able to save to fix it etc but it was the first time there was absolutely no recompense to what happened. I just had to suck it up and deal with it. At least for other things I could look and see a reason or a positive to the situation I was in eg. I didn't have much money growing up but I had a better work ethic because of it.

sashh · 27/05/2021 15:18

Knowing my brother's welfare was more important than mine to my mother.

She did multiple things over the years that confirmed I was not her priority.

She didn't even hide it, eg when the National Lottery started (I was an adult by this time) lots of people had conversations about what they would do if they won. She always said she'd by me a car (I hate driving) and then buy my brother a house. My brother already had a house.

There are many similar things that happened but that's the least outing.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/05/2021 15:20

When I was 5. I had a rare ish heart condition and was in a children's hospital for pioneering surgery. The little girl next to me died. I decided early doors that life wasnt fair and a real lottery, especially as a child.

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OneMamaAndHerGirl · 27/05/2021 15:47

When my 3 year old niece went to sleep and never woke up. She had a massive bleed on the brain, the poor girl never stood a chance in life. She was allergic to absolutely everything, and also had meningitis at 1 year old. Life isn’t just unfair it’s fucking cruel.

Devlesko · 27/05/2021 15:54

I was about 2 and I dropped my ice cream my auntie had bought, she didn't replace it, maybe thought I'd eaten more of it than I had.
Life is unfair in the heat when you want an ice cream Grin

Pinkmagic1 · 27/05/2021 15:58

Age about 5 at the Sunday school nativity play. All the blond, blue eyed little girls got to be angels and wear pretty outfits and tinsel, whilst brown haired me got to be a shepherd and wear a tea towel!

abacusnights · 27/05/2021 16:00

Life isn’t just unfair it’s fucking cruel

Yes, this is true.

FinksMeNot · 27/05/2021 16:03

When I lost my second daughter in a row in January. It hit me just how cruel life can be.

When DS started regressing even more (he has ASD). And the scary knowledge that his outbursts will get stronger the older he gets

Holding my friend's beautiful baby on my daughter's due date

username985 · 27/05/2021 16:06

The first times I was told "it's different for girls" and "because you're foreign".

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 27/05/2021 16:07

Going from being an only child to the eldest of four siblings within 5 years.

FirsAndFairylights · 27/05/2021 16:12

When my 20 month old was diagnosed with cancer.

Stichintime · 27/05/2021 16:13

I can't remember not knowing this!

grapewine · 27/05/2021 16:13

Growing up with a disability and being told and treated like you're not normal. It never stops either.

abacusnights · 27/05/2021 16:19

@FirsAndFairylights

When my 20 month old was diagnosed with cancer.
Flowers
Grizalda · 27/05/2021 16:27

I can't remember if it showed earlier, probably! but … when I was a teen and it became crystal clear that I was not The Favourite Child.
TFC got bought a car, uni fully paid for and was generally just excused from all responsibilities.
I was most certainly not afforded any of that.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 27/05/2021 16:58

Some point in late primary school when I realised not all children had to worry about the fridge being empty or Mum running out of electricity tokens the way we did. There was a permanent state of anxiety in our house all my childhood and I was acutely aware of money worries from a young age. It resulted in me feeling way older than my peers all through my teens. I remember my Fresher year at Uni thinking most of the people in my accommodation were immature and privileged idiots who had no clue about the real world....

Sometimesfraught82 · 27/05/2021 17:02

@Becca19962014

I guess four when I was told by my teachers I was the Devils child as I'd not been baptised and was left handed to boot (being left handed was stopped by wacking my hand with me a plastic ruler and being hit with a PE shoe by the head if I refused to pack it in). It was CofE and we'd go to services weekly at least and I was forced to stand at the back facing the wall, everytime I went in (me and another girl who also wasn't baptised) the teachers would make a comment about being struck by lightening..

The kids were fine, which I always found odd. Looking back they were probably terrified the teachers were right!

What year was this?!
WeAllHaveWings · 27/05/2021 17:05

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Having an older brother...probably aged three.
Try being child 4 of 5, with 3 older brothers, and wearing their hand me down winter parkas, denims etc until I was mid teens!
8thplace · 27/05/2021 17:13

at about 7 when my two older brothers were happily sent off to boarding school because " education was important for boys" whilst the local comp was good enough for me.

LaPoo · 27/05/2021 17:15

Probably when I was about 5. But my childhood was a car crash so not surprising.

MsMeNz · 27/05/2021 17:22

I cant pin point a time but I noticed very young some girls with thinner and prettier than me maybe aged 6…? I realised maybe by 8 or 9 we were poor. By 18 I'd been grafting in factory's and cleaning for spending money for years around school and others had money handed to them on a plate from Bank of mum n dad.

But I also knew I was lucky to have a stable home life and was born in the UK and realised many lived in poverty. So overall I guess life isn't fair but where ever you it's your normal and you can compare yourself to those both better and worse off.

FourTeaFallOut · 27/05/2021 17:34

Honestly, I don't remember a point when I ever believed that life was ever fair to experience a moment when that illusion burst. It's not like life was particularly awful, although we had our fair share of difficulty and bad luck, but I was never fed the idea that it was ever even meant to be fair or even or equal or comfortable.

Tal45 · 27/05/2021 17:40

Having a younger brother who got away with everything because otherwise he kicked up an almighty fuss, probably age 5.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 27/05/2021 17:48

When a neighbours mum thought she heard me swear when i was around 7, i didn’t but she told me off very strongly and sent me home. I cried for ages and the friendship with her daughter was never the same, i loved going round to see her guinea pigs 😟

35andThriving · 27/05/2021 19:18

I don't remember ever thinking it was fair tbh.