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Original poster

Driving lesson nightmare

55 replies

Findingahappyplace · 26/05/2021 10:44

I had the worst driving lesson ever yesterday.
It was an absolute nightmare from beginning to end. 10 minutes into a 2 hour lesson and I wanted to cry and go home 🙁
I’m trying so hard but I don’t think I’m a natural driver at all. My instructor spent most of the lesson shouting at me and it’s really knocked my confidence - and I wasn’t particularly confident to start with.
I came home and just burst into tears and then spent the rest of the day just crying whenever I thought about that lesson.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to drive, and I don’t know if I’m just wasting my time 😭
I don’t even know why I’m posting. I don’t know if I want advice or reassurance, or what, but I just feel really down today and can’t seem to pick myself back up from it.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 26/05/2021 11:27

Definitely change instructor - however nice she is, she sounds like a poor teacher and her stress is going to rub off on you and make you far more nervous than you need to be.

BagORats · 26/05/2021 11:28

She doesn't sound very nice or a good instructor. Can't you get your husband to teach you then book a few lessons with an instructor when you think you're ready for your test?

Fieldsofstars · 26/05/2021 11:33

She’s not a very nice person to be shouting at you and making you feel like this when it is her job and you are paying her.
You’re paying her to teach you, she can’t teach people if she is shouting and diminishing her students confidence.
It will affect your driving style forever if you continue to be taught by her, I would honestly ask for a refund for any further lessons you’ve paid for and report her to the driving company she uses.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 26/05/2021 11:34

Learning a new skill is difficult - I think there are very few natural drivers, I know I found lessons hard but am a very confuse driver now. The right instructor helps, you really need someone who gives clear instructions, is calm under pressure and can build your confidence. I’d change, no matter how knowledgeable she is, if she can’t communicate clearly she’s not suited to the job.

Remember she’s a professional you’re paying a lot of money to, if she can’t do that in a way that supports your learning it’s ok to change.

Fieldsofstars · 26/05/2021 11:34

For what it’s worth op I passed my test in 2012 and haven’t really driven since. I’ve started again recently and it doesn’t feel natural to me at all, I took refresher lessons and still shake when I’m in the car but it gets better and better honestly.
You just need calm patient and understanding people to help you.
Good luck!

Jellycatspyjamas · 26/05/2021 11:35

Confident, not confused driver - though I probably am confused at times 😂

sollythecat · 26/05/2021 11:39

I'm exactly the same. I am currently having lessons and cry after almost all of them. My instructor is also very shouty and stressy but I have had a couple before who were also like this so wonder if it's me? I'm definitely not a natural driver. I've started going out with my husband and he is very laidback and it's a lot more enjoyable.

Grizalda · 26/05/2021 11:41

She really sounds like she's in the wrong job.

WeAllHaveWings · 26/05/2021 11:59

@Grizalda

She really sounds like she's in the wrong job.
Agree instructors need to have, or at least display, unlimited patience even when stressed and instill driving confidence in their pupils. Her rants will impact your confidence and put you back every time she has one.
tentosix · 26/05/2021 12:16

A different instuctor immediately!

hellswelshy · 26/05/2021 12:16

I have had exactly the same experience as this op, my instructor was so passive aggressive and shouted at me for missing a turning at a roundabout. She was also very precious about her car as it was new, which I get, but kept going on about it which didn't help my nerves. I quit my lessons with her, and didn't pursue any refund (had paid upfront) as it upset me so much. When I resume learning again I'm going to learn automatic and pick my instructor carefully.

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 26/05/2021 12:22

Get a different instructor and consider an automatic if you're finding it all too much! It won't be long until all cars are automatic as electric cars are all built as automatics not manual. My eldest DD learnt in a manual but now only drives automatics as she hates driving a manual and is an anxious driver.

Chamonixshoopshoop · 26/05/2021 12:28

Find an instructor who specifically knows how to deal with under confident woman.
Mine was amazing and never would have shouted.
You don’t learn if you feel stressed all the time, it just won’t go in!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 26/05/2021 13:08

Yes, as other say, get a different instructor.

I started with one who was an absolute perfectionist and was obsessed with smooth gear changes to the point he suggested I give up and learn with an automatic. I had a mock test with another instructor (it was a company with many instuctors) he thought I was absolutely fine.

Anyway, after I failed my first test Wink I moved back home (I was at uni) and got a new instructor, we basically spent a few months just driving around laughing and joking until I passed on my third attempt

No-one should be shouting at you, he's not a good fit.

LondonStone · 26/05/2021 13:48

I feel like we should have a solidarity thread about driving. I’ve just got back from my third lesson and cried when I got through the door. Even though it’s automatic, I still hate driving.

I can’t park, there’s too many things to think about at once, stupid roundabouts, other drivers [thanks for overtaking me for doing 28 on a 30 road. Ugh I hate it from start to finish and if I wasn’t moving to rural-ish area I probably wouldn’t even bother.

ThonsDesperate · 26/05/2021 19:00

If a driving instructor is shouting at you, they are not doing their job properly. How on earth does shouting help the situation when someone is already nervous? Nobody is a natural driver at the start. Some people just pick it up a bit more quickly and a lot of that is about confidence. You need to find an instructor who is patient and professional and the best way to do that is to ask around. I learned to drive many years ago and found my driving instructor via my brother's friend and she was absolutely brilliant. I tried to get her for DP a few years later but she had gone back to her original job of nursing. DP still doesn't drive. He had a couple of very rude and impatient instructors who dented his confidence, but I'm utterly convinced my wonderful instructor would have gotten him on the road.

Don't give up. You'll get there in the end, honestly.

BogRollBOGOF · 26/05/2021 19:26

Driving instructors should not be shouting, get a calmer one with the necessary patience.

Have some 1 hour lessons while you get used to the basics. It's a physical and mental skill. In my early lessons I used to have a break in the middle because my right leg would cramp from the tight angle of the accelerator (still can't drive DH's car for longer than 45 mins for thar, my own car is fine) but it's also a huge amount of processing.

My neighbourhood is full of learners because they're simple conditions for getting your head around controls and what's going on. Learners are driven out to suitable locations to help.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 26/05/2021 19:40

I'm due some refresher lessons (after 23 years), never really drove after passing and nervous. I'd welcome a support thread. I passed third time so I am expecting lots of mistakes.

CormoranStrike · 26/05/2021 19:43
  1. Get a different instructor.
  2. You don’t have to be a natural driver. You simply need enough lessons as necessary to turn you into a competent driver.
BackforGood · 26/05/2021 20:41

Why would you pay over your hard earned money to someone who shouts at you and makes you feel rubbish ? Confused

Find a decent instructor. Ask around.

QueenPaw · 26/05/2021 20:46

Definitely a different one. Mine was excellent, he taught me to start on a hill before anything else as he said if I did that, a normal start would be easy
Mostly he just sat there patiently with the odd comment but anything he needed to explain he would do so when I wasn't driving. If I stalled or whatever he would be "you're learning, it's fine, don't worry about others. Try again"

Minstermouse · 26/05/2021 20:49

Didn’t even read your whole post. Got as far as your instructor shouting at you.
Not acceptable. He/she is your employee and you do not accept this. Sack him/her and find a new instructor.

wherewildflowersgrow · 27/05/2021 06:05

New instructor. My DD had this, so she parked up and got out on the second lesson. She found a brilliant new instructor and didn't look back.

Original poster
Findingahappyplace · 27/05/2021 07:58

@LondonStone

I feel like we should have a solidarity thread about driving. I’ve just got back from my third lesson and cried when I got through the door. Even though it’s automatic, I still hate driving.

I can’t park, there’s too many things to think about at once, stupid roundabouts, other drivers [thanks for overtaking me for doing 28 on a 30 road. Ugh I hate it from start to finish and if I wasn’t moving to rural-ish area I probably wouldn’t even bother.

I’m learning in an automatic too. I agree there’s so much to think about, and so much to take in. I’m trying so hard but I don’t know if I’m making much progress and my last lesson has really knocked my confidence. I’m sorry you’re feeling the same about driving 🙁 what is your instructor like? I hope your next lesson is a better one for you 🙂
OP posts:
Original poster
Findingahappyplace · 27/05/2021 08:01

Thanks for the comments everyone and all the advice and support.
The more I think about it the more I think I would be fit from a different instructor.
I’m learning in an automatic.
I spent yesterday looking for a new automatic driving instructor but can’t find anyone else in my area. 😭

OP posts:
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