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Break up and child care

5 replies

Friendsf · 26/05/2021 10:34

Hi. I'm so lost. Me and ex party broke up in November last year. We were together for 11 +/- years. It was shit and very toxic relationship from the beginning to be honest. However we stayed together after I had a baby. Still regret it I haven't left before. We got a daughter together, she is in a school age. We have never been married ( he didn't want to marry me). Now we separated. We agreed I will stay in his house until I save up some money ( as I haven't had much) and move out this summer with our daughter. I have no family or friends to support me with anything and I feel so crap and lost 😥 My mental health is declining. I suffer from bad social anxiety and with this situation peaking up I feel I can't cope anymore. I'm also a foreigner and find it difficult to fit in. I feel like the whole world is against me, literally! Anyway, my ex is very manipulative and knows how to get into my head. It took me years to realize he is narcissistic. I blamed myself so much for everything over the years and now I stopped and I told him I'm leaving. He said initially he wants to sort things between us amicably. But that's far from the truth! He loves his daughter ( sometimes I doubt it though) as he proclaims however he uses her to hurt me. Couple of days ago, he got drunk and we got into a argument. He was physically threatening me with his fists whilst I was in sitting on the sofa. He came so close to my face I got scared. He then started to punch wall and threw the chair across the room( not the first time it happened). He never really punched me but threatened me in a similar way many times. However I let it slide. Next day in the morning he stayed at home ( he didn't go to work as normally he does) and left for most of the day somewhere outside. He came back in the afternoon when I brought back our girl from school run with smugly face( sober also as normally he is drunk when he ventures out for hours). He said to me suddenly, that I should move out without our daughter for at least next three months. Wtf?! He demanded I will prove him I can look after myself. Only then I can have her. I need to say he has a well paid job ( 56 k a year) and I only have part time ( about 1000 a month) which I know isn't enough but I'm hoping with UC help and maybe some extra job I could be fine. The point is I don't know what to think and what to do in this situation. He is playing some mind games with me and I'm loosing hope. I feel stuck. I'm fearing he will try to take away my daughter from me. Take me to court and say I can't look after her, don't have enough finances, etc. Anyone can advice, please?

Ps. Sorry for a long post and apologies, if it doesn't make much sense. I was writing it in a hurry and didn't put to much thought into it. Also for any spelling mistakes! English is not my first language

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 26/05/2021 10:38

You need to move out with your daughter. Do not consider leaving her behind. Speak to womens aid and your local council. YOu can afford to live apart with benefits.

Aknifewith16blades · 26/05/2021 10:50

Call Women'a Aid - if you can't call safely from home, you can go to any pharmacy and use their consultation room to call from.

This is Coercive control, which is illegal. You could also call the police.

Friendsf · 26/05/2021 10:51

I won't definitely leave her behind. How do I move out though? But can he not stop me? He has parental responsibility after all too. I'm already in touch with Citizens advice bureau.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 26/05/2021 10:58

He can't stop you moving out. You are the main caregiver for your DD, so it is reasonable to take her with you. You really need more professional help with this.

Friendsf · 26/05/2021 11:11

Thank you❣️ My assigned CAB worker should be in touch with me either today or tomorrow. So I will discuss these things with her. Originally I didn't want to make it so dramatic. He can be a really good father, it's the rest I really hate about him. Thought we could actually work it out. He can be so manipulative and controlling. It's scary. I have lost half of my mind because of him. I no longer understand right from wrong

OP posts:
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