Is it real friendship to hear about life changes on Facebook?

[Starlight17]

Considering whether friends that post life changes on social media - engagement, pregnancies, house moves etc are actually real friends if they haven’t bothered to tell you personally, as a friend, first? Recently had a friend announce being pregnant on social media and had no idea she was pregnant and so far gone. Does this mean more about me than them and that maybe I’m not reaching out to others or enough, or does it work vice versa, they aren’t reaching out to me either?
I thought we were friends and would definitely tell her if I was pregnant whilst doing the usual ‘We’ve got some news’ messages to friends and family so maybe it was a little one sided anyway. Anyone else feel a bit slighted to hear people’s news on social media rather than by them taking the time to tell you? I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic that has really shone a light on these rubbish friendships i.e. left some people thinking if we can’t meet up and go for wine then what’s the point?!

Depends how close the friendship is.

And how many friends/family they have to announce to.

I have 3 very close friends that chat every day on WhatsApp. I'd be a bit surprised if they announced on FB without saying anything to the closer group.

I also have another friendship group that meet about once a month. This is a larger group and I wouldn't expect to be told personally or in person.

I've had three babies and never announced a pregnancy on Facebook. But I did announce the birth and got a couple of 'oh we didn't even know you were pregnant!' type messages - mainly from people who aren't close friends, but I do like and just hadn't seen in person for the duration of the pregnancy. It doesn't mean they aren't friends as such, just that they aren't close friends, but I'm still happy to have them on my Facebook. It doesn't mean anything really, just that you're not especially close.

On the other hand, I found out my brother had got engaged via Facebook and that wasn't really ok.

Me and DH shared news of both our children on Facebook but only long after we’d told the friends and family we cared enough about to tell privately

I don’t think it necessarily matters if you initially hear it on social media if you have a conversation (or text conversation etc) about it soon afterwards.

Thank you all. I think I thought the friendship was probably closer that it was. Not speaking everyday, but telling each other everything when we met up and having things in common, aside from the children. Not saying I’m unliked but probably just not as close as I thought especially as I’m a new friend compared to some of her older friends but that’s OK. I’ve started to notice a lot of these one sided friendships in my life, not just this one, and it’s definitely got me thinking.