Ghosted as a freelancer. This literally feels worse than dating - join me for a vent and cheer me up?

[AdaThorne]

I was working from home long before the cool covid kids started doing it. Basically after DC I went in to quit my job at the end of mat leave and got invited to quote for doing it part time as a freelance from home. Been doing it for seven years now, along with a few other bits and pieces along the way, and mostly it works for us - especially with homeschool/lockdown and all that jazz and DH having a job that pays three times as much but right now involves death by Zoom call for 8-10 hours a day so the majority of the home life logistics is me.

Are my contracts exciting? Not really. But it's steady money, works round the DC while they're young and means that one day if I did want to get back to an office for more hours it wouldn't look like I'd taken a step out of my industry for years and years and had current, relevant experience.

But then a fortnight ago by chance I ended up talking to some people who've just started up a company related to something I love hobby wise and who were desperately in need of help with someone with my skillset. Had three brilliant Zoom calls - met heads of departments, chief exec, was buzzing with ideas and excitement about it all. All very quick and positive/encouraging, they needed to move quickly, etc. Genuinely even as a short term contract this felt SO exciting. In non-apocalypse times it would be my dream job, the fact it could conceivably work with me being at home, round kids, all that just felt incredible. They went off to look into logistics (they're an international company - all on a level, properly financed etc, I've done my homework - I'd be their first UK employee) and said they'd get back to me.

Two weeks have passed. I've sent two follow up emails and had no replies to either. I've hit refresh on their website multiple times a day like someone obsessively checking their ex's social media to see if they've gone on a day out with a new partner (they haven't - the bit of their site they needed help with is still not updated). I just logged onto Linked In for something else and saw the woman who'd interviewed me twice was flashing a green circle showing she was online. The urge to message her was so strong I had to step away from the laptop and make coffee (Why message a third time? In case her email address she'd been messaging for was broken and she hadn't got my TWO previous messages?!)

I genuinely haven't been this flummoxed about getting ghosted since I was online dating before DH. I am used to quoting for work and sometimes getting it and sometimes not and know it's not personal but (and I'm laughing at myself as I say this) I had such a connection with these people, it sounded so great, I'm genuinely a bit gutted they've not even bothered to update with a 'can't work this logistically but thanks' message of some sort.

Lighthearted, mostly, although I am a bit forlorn and feel ridiculous. For a minute there I really thought I'd be able to get a job I loved (even for a bit) that fit round the DC.

Any freelancers out there want to cheer me up with ridiculous stories of their clients and contracts? Please?

No funny stories but I feel your pain. Not getting regular feedback (formal or these kind of situations) are the hardest thing about being freelance for me. So hard on your self esteem and professional confidence. I once thought a client had snubbed me after one and off working well together for her company for some time. Then I ran into her in the park a year later and it turned out that she'd got a job partly based on the work we did and she was so pleased. I was as well but I wish I'd known earlier!

That's so tough @depopsa. I feel a bit better for knowing it's not just me that struggles with it though (sorry, it turns out misery loves company ;)). It sounds like you did a great job for her and gave her a boost too - I just hope she's singing your praises round her new office!

I keep looking at the blinking light on this woman's Linked In profile. Part of me wants to message and go 'I could just help you with this one thing that I notice you've still not got to' but it's the freelance version of going 'I'll forego a relationship for being a friend with benefits', right? I already feel like I'm coming across as needy. DH just stuck his head out of the office and got a little vent from me - he is genuinely perturbed because, in his words, I didn't seem this invested/obsessing about contact/not contacting/playing it cool when we started dating!

Might she just not have got around to doing this project yet? I might have meetings and discussions, get all excited about the possibilities, but be involved with other work and not able to drive forward a new project yet. It doesn’t mean I won’t, just not this week or this month.

OP, big companies work glacially slowly. I was once c alled late at night to start an emergency project for the biggest company I've ever freelanced for. All urgent urgent. Two months later they were getting around to doing security checks etc.

Another 'big' client ran over Easter weekend asking me to do development work on a project I'd done for them two years ago. Urgent, hence Easter weekend phone call. I agreed to it. Silence ever since. I've decided not to do it. My small clients who pay instantly, are reliable and lovely to deal with are so much more trustworthy. I know they will call when I am up to my eyeballs in another project and expect instant service. Nah.

Expect to hear nothing for two months then be asked if you can start this afternoon one day out of the blue.

Urggghh, I hate this, so unprofessional. I had similar when interviewing. I had one job where I was down to last two and they called me to ask for an extra 24 hours to decide between me and another candidate. Told me how much they liked me and then I never heard anything from them again. It was so frustrating and demoralizing.

IME they are usually on hold for some reason, and will get back in touch in a while when they’re ready.

It’s not personal and given that you’ve sent follow-up emails I wouldn’t contact them further for now, other than maybe an email to say you appreciate they might not be in a position to move forward with the project right now but you’re still interested and available if/when they are ready.

Then focus on something else else.

Sadly it comes with the freelance territory, I think we've all been there. It may start soon, it may be two years until you hear from them, you might never hear again. I've learned not to get attached to anything unless it's underway! Also if you have to chase them, it might be an indication that it's going to be a difficult working relationship anyway. It is frustrating though.