Making the unfit kid who comes last run round the field again?

[Veuvelily]

Can anyone tell me the logic here.
What is the games teacher trying to achieve?

The child has tried his best and feels like he’s being punished unfairly
Plus he’s then used up all his energy, so is tired for the actual games lesson

Fatredwitch

Someone has to come last. So someone will be humiliated every time. Chances are that it will be the same kids every time.

Sadly, it's probably the case when everyone is sent off all at once and the fastest are standing at the finish line watching all the rest come in hot and breathless, of course being the last is going to feel humiliating, especially if the last runner/s are way slower than the first, but if timed groups are sent off in batches and the groups are organised by ability the atmosphere can be managed differently.

There is a difference between school PE classes and parkruns. Students have no option about participation in running in school whereas people in a parkrun are all there voluntarily, have an interest in running, and have probably decided that running is their path to fitness. In addition, many are adults who have got over their juvenile tendency to mock others. Unlike a good few PE teachers, unfortunately.

@Veuvelily - don't let your DS embark on any new exercise regime until he has been checked by a doctor. The taste of blood/metal in his mouth after running should be looked at.

@Veuvelily no not really. Those are solo and at home. I was meaning more activities that you all do for fun rather that are active. It’s hard to really promote an active lifestyle if your fun/leisure activities are all fairly non-active.

5zed ... I’m not sure you’re reading correctly ... you say OP needs to make her son more active, then when she tells you he uses a punching bag and an exercise bike daily you say this is no good as it’s solitary, he needs to have group activities based on fun not exercise
You’re also forgetting the disabilities in the mix here... I can’t make my dd leave the house, let alone do an activity, fun or active based.

And the real issue anyway is the behaviour of the teacher, not the sons fitness level. It’s easy to say make him do this, make him do that - if you can’t run well and are not sporty, you will never be no matter how hard you try - equally if you’re not naturally academic at maths, you may never be no matter how hard you try.

OP I hope you get the school sorted, and I hope you continue to have fun with your ds - in whatever way is best for you him x

We can agree to disagree @Frazzledbutcalm I’m fairly good at reading and I disagree that exercise equipment will help as much as actually doing active things with your child. (Please don’t imagine you are the only one with experience of disability or reluctant children.). If the OP wants to help her child ( and given the financial investment in equipment it would appear she really does), MY advice would to look at what you do as an example and with, your child. What helps is seeing YOU try and struggle, and come last and keep going. That’s not a criticism of OP.
If you keep doing the same thing you are likely to get the same outcome.

I'd make him do a extra lap in his pants and vest, hopefully he'll try harder next time

Thing is, when I was at school, doing things as a group was something that was the antithesis of fun... Not sure if that is the same for your son OP.

Yes we can agree to disagree ... my comment was aimed at the fact that you said OP’s son needs to do more exercise, to run or raise his heart rate! then when she said he does - exercise bike and punching bag you said no they’re solo and at home, I was meaning more activities that you all do for fun rather that are active So now he doesn’t need to be active? You contradicted your advice. The OP’s son does do exercise, as she’s stated.

The problem lies with the PE teacher. Plain and simple unnecessary humiliation.

I was the child who was hopeless at PE. Being pushed and humiliated but given no positive instruction simply meant I did what I could to avoid PE and now, as an adult, the idea of going to exercise or to the gym is still a turn off. I still can't understand why people find exercise enjoyable or how endorphins actually work in regards to exercise as to me it equals pain and embarrassment.

So now he doesn’t need to be active? no my opinion is OP could help her child by doing active things with him rather than inactive/sedentary activities. Leaving him to do all the active bits solo or at school isn’t working for him. If she’s happy with how she’s addressing the things he’s struggling with she can carry on defending him at school.

Why can’t he continue to do both, as he is now? .... he does activities with his mum/family AND exercise bike and punch bag. He has the best of both worlds really. OP’s posts sound like her son is happy doing his exercise bike and punch bag every night. He may not be alone doing these things, not that it matters if he is - we all need different interactions and have different needs when doing things. Her issue is not about what he does or doesn’t do (that’s been other posters opinions), she has issue with the way he’s been treated at school by a teacher.

He can do whatever he likes but if he and OP want a different outcome he will have to change his level of activity surely?

No I don’t see why .... the issue isn’t his fitness ... it seems like you’re blaming the boy for being unfit and coming last ... rather than blaming the teacher for having such a draconian, horrible, bullying attitude.

@Tumbleweed101, l am with you totally. I was that child too. It has put me off sport for life. I do not want to set foot in a gym and l have never understood how the words fun and run go together. I am sure all the hearty ex-games captains out there will be on us like a ton of bricks but let's face it - there is no other subject in school that is open to such public humiliation. Many PE teachers have an awful lot to answer for.

I’m not blaming anyone. Helping your child when they struggle isn’t blaming them, it’s parenting.

But if they’re not a runner, not sporty in that way, why make them do family group sporty activities?

The boy isn’t struggling, he’s just not the fastest runner. He does other sporty activities, there’s no need to make him a faster runner. The PE teacher needs sorting, not the poor boy.

I've worked in fitness all my life and a bog standard 'how to' get people more fit and more willing to get healthy is to encourage them and motivate them, not humiliate them, single them out and make them suffer. I'd go completely nuts at that PE teacher if I met him.

Just to add I hated PE more than life itself when I was at school but then I discovered gyms and have been literally obsessed ever since. Please can people stop saying gyms or fitness equipment or this or that doesn't count. Loads of us love gyms, but hated sport, loads of kids will find a martial art or whatever one day of their own accord after 10 years of being the slowest most awkward kid at PE and they'll shoot the lights out and keep up that martial art for ever. Etc. Everyone has their own style. Let's stop judging. School sports will always be hell for some kids even those who end up like me - happily obsessed post school with all things sporty

@Frazzledbutcalm seriously??? Ok you do you.

Yes seriously. The OP has said her son plays football, rugby, swimming, punchbag, exercise bike. That’s a fair amount, so why on earth is it so important he needs to run fast? Honestly, I don’t get your insistence. The OP has said the issue is the teachers attitudes and ways, not her sons fitness or activities. The fact that you’re not seeing this is beyond me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Frazzledbutcalm
He’s always come last in running
He is overweight, he is very self conscious
Probably because the Op said the above and I think it would help him. It’s ok that you think it’s better to focus on the outcome and I think it’s better to try and support him away from that situation. It’s ok that you think what he’s doing now IS helping and I think a more hands on approach might boost his confidence. OP can choose the advice and approach that suits her family. We need different people and different attitudes in the world.

The original issue was t my sons fitness. I’m not asking for help with that.
I thought the schools attitude was questionable and wanted your opinions on that.
The exercise bike was given to us by my brother when he upgraded and the punching bag and weights were bought for a birthday present in an attempt to use up some excess energy, not necessarily as part of a fitness plan. He’s very restless.
If I suggest anything it will be met with resistance because he has demand avoidance, so I’m very happy he has taken the initiative. Exactly the same as I am happy he’s picked up the piano by himself.

He is overweight, not massively, but I’m conscious of not making a big deal out of it, he is growing at a fast rate and eating healthy.
I’m more concerned about his self consciousness and self worth. The schools attitude has a direct effect on this.
I’m feeling very sorry for him at the moment.
He’s just had ingrown toenail surgery on both toes and we lost his Gran yesterday, he is devastated.
He literally howled for an hour.
He’s so upset and angry that we couldn’t get to see her. She’s in Australia, can’t remember if I mentioned that.

Aw @Veuvelily, I'm so sorry to read your update.
Look after yourselves.
I have a lot of sympathy too for the ingrown toenail. Hopefully after the surgery (I had it done on one of my toes) your DS will be moving a lot better. Those things are painful!
Poor kid is going through a lot at the moment.

OP, a big part of my job is supporting parents of autistic kids and training teachers in how to support autistic pupils (I'm also autistic myself since my work are big believers in person-led training and support).

I know your DS isn't diagnosed autistic yet but given the totally unjustified bashing you're getting from some posters I just wanted to say if you came to us we'd tell you you're doing a bloody amazing job. Seriously, you're doing all the right stuff and sound like you're a brilliant mum to your DS.

The PE teacher sounds awful, on the other hand.

Oh @Veuvelily I'm so sorry to read your update. It all sounds very difficult at the moment. Sending virtual hugs.