Lifestyle inflation

[SnoopsCaliforniaRoll]

I have come to the horrible realisation that I have made the mistake of / given into massive so-called "lifestyle inflation", and need to figure out how to get myself out of this thought process!

As I have moved up in my career and salary, I have been almost excessively upgraded every area of my life (food shopping, clothes, car etc) and realise I have been hugely influenced by social media darlings. My "wishlist" for new clothes and products is huge and it's making me feel depressed and guilty, as I could have been saving so much more.

This was triggered by me dipping into my savings to by an expensive piece of jewellery, just because I got a bit obsessive about it. I realised that new graduate 21-year old me would never have dreamt of being so frivolous. I don't think my comparative "happiness levels" have really changed, but I'm spending so much more of my income as a proportion.

I have some big savings goals for the next couple of years (TTC, new house) and (while I am lucky to save a bit), I realise that I'm living payslip for payslip because I'm looking for ways to spend money to keep up with the Jones's.

Has anyone managed to change their spending habits and mindset? How can I tackle this lifestyle inflation that I've left unaddressed for the the best part of two decades?

I ended up in a shit tonne of debt which I am still paying off and still have another few years to go. When I actually realised how much I'd spent, but had nothing to show for it, I felt like shit. Especially knowing I could have bought a car or a holiday or saved for my kids instead.

You mentioned you grew up poor. Are you trying to fill an emotional hole with your spending I wonder? Lockdown has been good for me. Spending less time around people means I don't need to impress anyone anymore.

Try ‘The Minimalists’ podcast to get you into a different way of thinking. All that ‘stuff’ has big overheads in time, hassle etc. They have a couple of shortish books and some Netflix material & YouTube content too.

Dp was the same as you op.
He always upgraded to the next level he could afford.
I've always been more of a saver. I give myself x amount a month to spend on whatever and save the rest.
I had enough saved to get me through a major income drop during the pandemic.
He basically wears his wealth and I choose to save mine .

Also, this may sound strange but check there isn't something deeper to it like pp said. Reflect a bit on why you feel the need to do this...also take care with baby stuff that can be a tough gig with all the "stuff" people recommend...

Also, try and get your other half on the same page. Attitudes to money can be pretty central to the sustainability of relationships and this becomes even more important as you ttc and raise your kids.

Best of luck. It might be an interesting journey.

For a few years now I have a designated savings account, i have a direct debit that goes out on payday so I never even see it in my current account. I used to find I had no savings at all because it was frittered. Now I remove a portion of my money and I find that in the past 4-5 years I have only had to move money a few times back into the regular account. I just naturally adapt.

I use the money for holidays. We have been to Lapland; 2 cruises; Bruges; Australia; France; The Channel Islands and Spain. All with money I would have just pissed away otherwise.

Oh, and we used to have nice cars on finance. We stopped that and bought third hand cars for siginifcantly less each and we drive them into the ground.

Don't spend anything you can't see coming back, you'll be rich.

OP, it's stuff, that's all.
Have a good clear out and start a savings account.
The psychology around why people buy so much is really interesting.
It's usually those with little imagination of their own who have to follow others, or unfortunately those with little esteem or confidence.

also take care with baby stuff that can be a tough gig with all the "stuff" people recommend...

Absolutely this, take no notice of all the things on those lists you supposedly "need"
Most of it is complete bollocks.
You could honestly start with cot, pram, car seat, a handful of white babygros and a pack of nappies … and little else!
Ignore the yummy mummies on Instagram that have boring grey nurseries with a zillion boring grey teddies and matching boring grey rugs and pillows. < if you do that alone you've probably saved yourself at least £500, if not double. Nurseries themselves are overrated, IMO. The baby sleeps in with you and by the time the fog lifts you'll want to redecorate in more suitable toddler colours anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm not looking to retire early. My house is paid off and not looking to trade up. I want to live my life, which means coffees and meals out and holidays. I'm certainly not working so hard now not to enjoy it. I also buy clothes and nice food. However I do save £2k a month when not going on holiday and then I might only save £1k.

Thank you all so much for the posts - so much food for thought and inspiration.

I will check out the Minimalists podcast mentioned above. A big factor for me is / was being influenced by social media, so I have deleted my apps for a start.

In response to a couple of PP questions, my parents did urge me to save and to work hard. As a result, I do save a good proportion each month. We were not well off when I was growing up, but have been able to save hard and get onto the property ladder and have a good job. As a child we didn't have many material possessions and our house was very shabby, so I was acutely aware we were not the same as my friends. My parents did very well and managed to become mortgage free early, through very frugal habits which continue today.

I genuinely think part of my spending habit is because I think that a lot of the material things are "normal" and that everyone else has them, so I panic and think I should too (hence the "keeping up"). It's a stupid mindset and one that needs to change.

Definitely get Starling or Monzo, it helps you to keep an eye on all spends and be generally more mindful.

I really care about the environment and hate clutter, so find it easy not to buy things because I am thinking about whether I really need it. It's good not to go without all treats since life gets a bit quieter when a baby comes along. Just plan your fun spends and use a mobile phone account to help you really jeep track.

Love this thread. This is exactly me. I am saving too, but my spending is out of control. In the last two months I tried to slow it down and it's working... so far.

My wake up moment was realising we would be applying for a new mortgage in a couple of months and I would have been embarrassed for the mortgage advisor to see how much money I frittered away each month on nothing substantial. I wasn't in debt or anything, but I had the mindset of if it's there it's there to be spent. But now I am a lot more considered.

@CeibaTree

My wake up moment was realising we would be applying for a new mortgage in a couple of months and I would have been embarrassed for the mortgage advisor to see how much money I frittered away each month on nothing substantial. I wasn't in debt or anything, but I had the mindset of if it's there it's there to be spent. But now I am a lot more considered.

Omg that is a harrowing moment, when you have to hand over your bank statements to the mortgage advisor! Horrendous and yes, tightening up will definitely make it less painful.