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Original poster

I want to run away

27 replies

Itsnothing · 23/05/2021 21:58

I'm not happy. I havent been for ages. I'm trapped. I want to run away. I went to get in my car and drive far and not look back. Even though I've got my baby at home. Help.

OP posts:
Iworry2021 · 23/05/2021 22:00

How old is your baby? Do you think you could have postnatal depression?

Is your partner aware how you feel and does he support you? x

Original poster
Itsnothing · 23/05/2021 22:03

@Iworry2021 I keep having mental breakdowns and everytime I'm crying to my partner about how bad its getting and he says I need to get help then the dust settles and there is nothing from him about it anymore. I'm left alone to suffer until my next breakdown where he will again acknowledge my mental health isnt good and yet again do nothing about it to help me.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 23/05/2021 22:08

Have you been to your GP to discuss your mental health?

Original poster
Itsnothing · 23/05/2021 22:11

@Littlefish my hv has completely neglected me and so has my gp. Both were meant to get back to me months ago. Hv knew I wasnt doing well mentally so said she would check back with me. Havent heard anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnothing · 23/05/2021 22:11

I'm not in the mental state to be chasing people....I've had to do that throughout my entire pregnancy. I cant do that anymore

OP posts:
hqagaalahsvsn · 23/05/2021 22:16

OP this was me this time last year. Please make an appointment with your GP tomorrow. Honestly the moment I did that things got better. We went through a similar cycle of me not coping, husband saying get help etc then I'd appear to be 'ok' for a while and husband wouldn't push me to get help until next meltdown. We repeated this cycle a lot before I got help, I wish I had done it sooner. When I was spending time thinking about how I could hang myself from our banisters I realised I had to sort it out and actually that final push to act had to come from me, not him. Thanks

Rainbow321 · 23/05/2021 22:16

With the greatest respect , contact your hv and your dr and tell them you were told they would come back to you and did not. If they have forgotten about you ( awful of them ) then you have to tell them you need help now . Sad as it is those who make themselves known by shouting the loudest ( even if metaphorically ) are heard first .

hqagaalahsvsn · 23/05/2021 22:17

Also you don't have to go via GP/HV, you can self refer yourself for help in a lot of areas.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Littlefish · 23/05/2021 22:22

It's bad that your HV hasn't been back in contact, but you really do need to be proactive about this and make an appointment with your GP.

Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 11:55

@hqagaalahsvsn I understand my dp cant be the one to make it better, that must come from me. But he can help and he doesnt. That hurts me. I feel pushed to the side and neglected by everyone after having my baby, professional and family. I've had no support. And maybe I expect dp to help so much as he was part of the problem. I want him to.take responsibility for the damage he has caused me. I had another breakdown last night. It's getting worse. I woke everyone up. I sob horrifically now its not even a cry. I end up clawing myself. It's all very dramatic. I feel like I'm shouting at everyone around me I need help but no one is listening. Even my own dp couldnt comphremed my meltdown last night as he thought I was "fine". I'm not okay. I'm never okay. I'm just good at carrying on and making it and I told him this. He said he understood but he clearly doesn't

OP posts:
Idontknowanymore05 · 24/05/2021 12:01

I'm so sorry about how you are feeling. Don't wait for people to help you, please go and get help.
Phone the doctors and get some meds. If you are already on some, maybe up the dosage?

Honestly, this was me in 2017. My DH didn't know what to do. He offered to come tona doctors apt with me. I didn't want to go. Then one day at my youngest 8 week appointment, I broke down and I got help straight away. Don't delay getting help, your healing time will be longer. Xx

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/05/2021 12:04

You need to call your GP and tell them exactly how you are feeling. That is the way forward and out of the situation you are in - you flat out tell them you are not coping.

Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 12:12

If I report to my gp I'm not doing okay mentally will they take my baby away? I dont have a job.... I don't have a home. Dp has everything. So surely if we split and he took me to court all custody will go to him. It's not fair. I've been dealing with so much trauma since our relationship. It's just really not fair

OP posts:
Idontknowanymore05 · 24/05/2021 12:19

I thought the exact same thing - they'd take my babies away but of course they won't. It takes a lot for SS to take a child from its mother.

Sounds like your relationship isn't helping.
Please get the ball rolling, make a docs appointment. Get some counselling, work on you. Then you can decide whether you still want your relationship to work or not. Please build yourself up.

Tal45 · 24/05/2021 13:13

If you tell your OH exactly what he needs to do will he do it? Can you ask him to phone the HV/GP and tell them what is going on for you? My OH has phoned for me before when I didn't feel i could do it. You really need his support right now but he might be clueless as to what to do. He might be feeling very helpless and just be hoping you'll get over it because he doesn't know what to do.

Muddydoor · 24/05/2021 13:19

No, their focus is not on taking your baby away. Post natal depression is very common. Your suicidal thoughts are very worrying though. Your local crisis team will be able to provide some level of talking therapy and medication.

OrangeSharked · 24/05/2021 13:27

You need to call the GP. You cannot expect everyone else to do it for you.

No they won't take your baby away, PND is very common and the focus will be on helping you. However you need to make the first steps.

Are there problems in your relationship? If your DP has done something (you mention him causing trauma) then MN can be a good place for support, there are many knowledgeable posters who can direct you in the way of appropriate services. But again no one can do that if you don't say

Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 13:50

@Muddydoor it's more so leaving and never coming back. Very rarely is it suicidal. I just dont feel like I can cope with my life anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 13:51

@OrangeSharked he pressured me into a termination. I then got pregnant due to contraception failure and kept my baby. It's all happened within a matter of a year. I've never truly forgiven him or myself or been able to get over my loss. I regret my termination every single day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 13:53

@Tal45 I'm awful at asking for help. Theres a mental barrier there when it comes to me being honest. I've always just hidden my feelings since forever so it's a natural thing for me to do. I had to do this to survive and keep going. I come from an abusive household so I'm good at it.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 24/05/2021 15:22

The way through this is to ask for help.

Make a GP appointment. Write everything down and hand it to them if you think you will minimise the issues when you get to see the GP.

This will not go away on its own.

You need to take care of yourself. Don't expect your Dh to do it for you.

Idontknowanymore05 · 24/05/2021 16:08

Have you made a gp appointment @Itsnothing? Xx

Original poster
Itsnothing · 24/05/2021 17:14

@Idontknowanymore05 no. I've been speaking to my family about moving back home. My mum claims she doesnt believe that I'm not coping and cant understand it as everytime she sees me I'm happy..... I cant be bothered with this anymore

OP posts:
Idontknowanymore05 · 24/05/2021 18:38

Will you seek help if you move back home?
Your Mum doesn't understand because you've probably been putting an act on for every one. So they think you're okay but you're not.

Mintyt · 24/05/2021 18:44

I think you can can 111 there is an option for MH. They spoke to my son. Feeling like this is not good, but you won't feel like this forever I promise, your mum may be scared, but you know you maybe just talking to them will get the ball rolling, you can talk about being unhappy then get help tomorrow from the Dr.