If you or your dc are naturally confident/have a health self esteem?

[Starsolight]

I have two dc one six and one three.
Six year old sometimes lacking in confidence, will cling to me at drop offs, reluctant to try new things, unsure of himself in certain situations with peers.
I’d blame lock down, but I also see traits of myself.
It’s probably partly genetic, partly circumstantial and partly down to our parenting.
Neither of the first two factors Really changeable.

However I do wonder what elements of parenting contribute to a more or less confident child.
And people who are naturally confident/sure of themselves, what factors they think have played a part?
Can you remember parts of your upbringing that helped you feel secure and sure of yourself? and do you feel as though this shapes you now in different situations you face as an adult?

I find it quite fascinating, but am Mainly desperate to help ds be happy and confident. I don’t want him to be desperately shy and unsure of himself. I’d be welcoming of any insight into this from others, thanks

I think overly critical parenting or overly pandering parenting would contribute to self esteem issue. Making children question their abilities by being criticised a lot or not allowed to go things.

I have a fairly confident child (youngest) and one who has low self-esteem and is anxious. I can see how my parenting of him as a baby might have contributed.

I do think it’s probably really complicated though. Probably a mix of many different factors that go into making kids who they are:

My DD is 8 and is a very confident, sociable child. She will go up and say hello to anyone and everyone and is very happy. I’m also a confident person. Often complimented on it.

My parents were, and still are, fantastic. Always encouraged to try anything we wanted, praised a lot. We were never pushed or made to do things we didn’t want to do. We were allowed a suitable level of independence for our ages. I never remember being criticised by them and I’ve made a conscious effort to be the same way with my own children.

The main thing I will say, and this goes against what I’ve read numerous times on mumsnet, is that I always felt like we were all friends; my parents, sister and I. We were spoken to as equals, not “bossed around” we had discipline and boundaries and there was a lot of respect. We knew where the line was and we didn’t cross it. But we were loved, very loved, we were liked, our company was enjoyed and we were respected as individuals.
I don’t know whether this has any bearing but my sister and I have never “rebelled” and
it’s probably down to the really healthy and respectful relationship we had at home.

I have twins. One is confident and outgoing, the other shy and sensitive. Their upbringing has been identical so far and their personalities have been this way since they were babies!

This is really interesting. My DD although only 10 months is extremely sociable and confident (although appreciate this could change as she grows). At baby groups she crawls out to meet everyone and is genuinely happy to see and be around lots of people.

I honestly don’t think I have done anything differently to my mum friends who have clingy/sensitive babies. For the first 6 months I did everything responsively and after that I became quite strict with her routine. I ensure she has regularity as much as possible, for example I would never be out with her past bedtime (no judgment at all It just wouldn’t work for us) so she knows exactly what’s coming next in her day. I’m also very confident and growing up, I had a lot of structure, a lot of encouragement and support. Respect was huge in our family, and still is. Certainly taught me to respect myself and others. A lot of time was spent with me by family and I think this had a big impact too.