Start work tomorrow

[bottlery]

After around 15 yrs I'm returning to the work I originally did - care assistant. I know I enjoy the job but I'm terrified of all the other stuff that comes with it. 2yrs ago I had a awful experience in the part time job I had. I was bullied and became very anxious and depressed. It was a nightmare that lasted 3yrs. I've been unemployed for the last 2yrs because I can't face/handle something like that again. I'm trying to bite the bullet now for the sake of my finances and sanity. Now the night before my first shift I'm feeling anxious. I know that at some point there will be conflict or some sort of disagreement and I'm worried about how/if I will handle be able to handle it. I'm the sort who will worry myself sick over what might seem tiny things to others. I had counselling for a while and recognised I ruminate a lot and need to try and control that. Does anyone actually go to work and come home and not spend another second thinking about what happened and work and reliving it all, every detail ? I tend to take things to personally and I think that's what make me struggle.

I make myself sick overthinking every little interaction, it’s not just you. I’d love to come home and switch my head off.

Like you I was bullied in a previous role. We had a horrible boss and several of us spent time off with work related stress, a couple of us ended up on antidepressants. I was so anxious and depressed I have never fully recovered really. I did leave and get a new job which I have been in for a few years and yes, there are sometimes minor disagreements & office politics to negotiate but, what you have to remember is that it’s the bullies who’s behaviour isn’t normal, the majority of people you come across in life don’t behave like that. There certainly hasn’t been any bullying in my new job. I hope your first day goes smoothly and you have a lovely team to work with. Good luck!

Thank you and sorry you have had such a hard time.

How did it go? I hope it was ok and you feel more relaxed now you have actually done day 1

It's been going really well. It's very full on but the great thing about that is that time flies.

Other staff are nice, still meeting new people which can be a bit anxiety inducing but nobody seems to bad. We have to change in/out of uniform before/after shift and there's only one room so it can take time. When I finished yesterday a member of staff was banging on the door saying they were in a rush. I was going as fast as I could and making me rush wasn't helping. I saw her after and she didn't seem to be in a rush. That upset me a little but I'm trying not to think about it much more.

I'm working 5-10 tonight. Getting changed afterwards is a bit scary, it's in a small portacabin in the car park, it's a bit isolated there and dark. I'm trying to rationalise it, they've been doing it this way for many months now without any issues (that I've heard of) so it should be ok.

Glad it’s going ok -the changing issue does sound scary but, as you say, they’ve been doing it for months with no issue. Having someone rushing you isn’t great though. I hope everyone continues to be nice and you enjoy your new job.

Thankyou

Getting a bit worried about my 7- 5 shift tomorrow, I hope I can physically and mentally handle it, especially as I have to do it all over again on Sunday!

It will be exhausting I’m sure. You will sleep tonight!

So I'm a week into the job. Lovely residents and staff. Yesterday I the person I worked with made a comment to a resident that I felt uncomfortable with. Another member of staff heard the conversation to and I looked over to them but they didn't react, I think they were trying to ignore what had been said because they knew it wasn't right. My shift then ended and I left. Now I'm wondering what to do if anything! I'm 1 week in to a new job after 2years out of work because of bullying and anxiety caused by whistle blowing. I know what was said wasn't right but the resident will have forgotten it long ago but now I'm left wondering about this member of staff. I can't put myself through stress like that again. Grrr help

Without knowing (at least vaguely) what the person said it's hard to tell.
Things get said all the time by colleagues which are meaningless really. It's important to find mechanisms through which to not overthink little details. I do know this is easier said than done.

Was it a derogatory comment towards a resident? Or something (very vaguely) along the lines of I can't be bothered to reposition Mary now/I'm not changing that pad she'll only wee again etc etc etc.

If yes. Report to Management anonymously. They will appreciate your honesty. And the Resident deserves better.

If it was nothing to do with the job then maybe let it go?

The resident was stroking the care homes cat and the member of staff said to the resident that their wife had once strangled a cat! (The wife lives at the home to and both have dementia) the resident stopped and thought about it and said I don't think she'd do that and the member of staff repeated it another 2 times grinding and laughing. The resident clearly couldn't understand why their wife would of done this and expressed disbelieved. After a few seconds of looking confused they then walked away, I doubt they thought about it again because of the dementia. I just can't understand why the member of staff thought it was an appropriate thing to say. They must of had a conversation in the past with the wife but it felt unnecessary and it was said to cause shock. I was shocked by what was said but mostly at the staff member. At that moment the staff member clearly did not have the residents best interest in mind.

I'm trying to not give to many identifying details as I'm aware confidentiality is very important but this is basically what happened.

Well that’s a really inappropriate thing to say, poor man.
If it’s a one off it could be that the wife -in her confused state-has said that and the staff member inappropriately repeated it I suppose but thats still not on. I guess you just have to see how things go, hopefully it’s just a bizarre (cruel) one off.

How rubbish that you have to be facing this with what has happened to you in the past. I have a very similar back story to you and am also in a new role. How on Earth are you expected not to ruminate on this??? But at the same time, you need to be well and get on. I don't have the answer but you wouldn't be wrong for reporting at all. So sorry it's not more simple