Is this Normal for weddings now?

[bentleydrummle]

Young relative of DH is getting married later this year. Last year, we got a save the date card, with a link to a website. The website featured biographies and interviews with the happy couple as well as pictures from
Their engagement photo shoot.

Now, inspite of getting a save the date, we learn from the invite which has just come through that we are only invited to the evening do. Again, to RSVP there is a link to another website. For each guest (so 4 of us) there is a survey of dietary requirements, suggestions for songs for the DJ and a space to write marital advice to the couple.

Is this the norm now? It seems very overly complicated and self indulgent to me?!

Advice to couple: Don't send a save the date then only invite to the evening do.

I’ve been to lots of weddings in the last few years (pre covid anyway) as me and all my friends are getting married but I’d still assume that if I got a save the date that I’d be invited to the whole day but I’ve also heard about people having to reduce numbers due to covid so that may have meant you’ve been bumped.
It’s quite normal to do the wedding website; it saves on cost of invitation as you don’t need to send all the info on the invitation and it’s a much easier way of rsvp as people don’t return paper ones quite often.
The extra stuff about the couple and their story etc seems to vary depending on the type of person; it can be a bit for cringe worthy though!

We have a wedding website but no interviews and stuff. We sent out save the dates to our day guests and then an actual invite to our day guests and evening guests. You RSVP to the website with dietary requirements and there is also a page to write requests to the DJ. Everything else is more informative. It has directions fro church to reception venue, a list of local taxi numbers so they can pre book, a list of local hotels and then an order of the day so people know when they're getting fed and when to book a taxi from church to reception and at the end of the night (if they're getting one). Tbh I think it's easier because we still get people ask 100 times if we know they're veggie/vegan, what time does the ceremony finish so they can book a taxi to the reception etc. When it's all on the website! Also we were supposed to marry in april 2020 and have rearranged 5 times so updating the website has been a god send rather than sending millions of invites or calling/texting guests each time

We had a wedding website, but nothing like this - and people did still get invites. No interviews or engagement shoot photos - just a reminder of the info for the day, some things that didn't fit easily on the invites like hotel recommendations and driving directions, and room to RSVP.

I was in a few wedding planning Facebook groups last year and I was surprised how many people didn't realize that you don't send save the dates to evening guests - lots would comment on posts about it to say that they'd sent them to everyone. It could be that they didn't realise that you don't send them to everyone...

But I don't think the rest is necessarily "normal" - just what they fancied, I guess. The idea of doing an interview or putting a load of photos of us up makes me cringe a bit!

Save the dates are only for all days invites. This is a faux pas.

Biographies, interviews and photographs? Do they think they are Harry and Meghan?

It sounds hideous. Thank god my wedding days are long gone.

I think wedding plans are so varied now with so many add ons anything goes. It is a bit of a shock if you are older and used to a posted invitation 6 weeks before the service , meal, cake and possibly a disco and buffet if pushing the boat out.

@Sleepingdogs12

I think wedding plans are so varied now with so many add ons anything goes. It is a bit of a shock if you are older and used to a posted invitation 6 weeks before the service , meal, cake and possibly a disco and buffet if pushing the boat out.

And the hen night was a meal out at the local (posh) Beefeater.

If you think that poorly of the couple then decline - I’m sure they’d love the opportunity to invite 4 more of their friends that actually like them and want to celebrate with them.

In regards to the save he date, I would just assume that due to covid they've had to cut down their guest list as when they originally booked they were probably hopeful restrictions would be lifted.
Otherwise yes the whole website thing is pretty common these days.

Christ that's so cringey!! No it's not normal from the weddings I've been to..

Well I'd expect at least a daily blog on how things were going, covering such topics as the hunt for the right napkins, amusing table names, etc.

Ghastly. I hate 'save the date', so peremptory. I always think, 'why should I?' It makes a gracious refusal so difficult. Family and close friends presumably know the date - everyone else is entitled to keep their options open until an invitation actually arrives.

Oh I quite like this! Not so much for friends where you know both of them anyway, but for family where you might not know the person marrying in. Wouldn’t do it in a million years myself! But I like reading through them.

Agree save the date should be for a full invite only, but I think if the wedding is this year then they probably get a pass with covid stuff

Dislike the save the date cards, just send an invite and save on the planters resources,

The websites are even worse though imo. It’s bad enough having to see pictures on FB for months/years after let alone a website dedicated to the event.

My friend had a website. You had a code to enter where you found out your ranking in the day. I was evening do guest. I found it really odd.

But they split up after a year or so.

We had a wedding website back in 2008. It gave a link to the location of the church, the reception venue, info on booking rooms at the reception venue (discount for wedding guests) and links to all the other hotels nearby. Maps and taxi numbers too as well as how to travel from the airport (bus and taxi). And to the gift list. It was useful for the 1/2 of the guests from out of town. It was useful information provided so people didn't have to search.

Oh and people could post messages on the website too. It was mostly our friends taking the piss and the odd auntie saying she was looking forward to the wedding.

Part of me cringed inside out when making It, it was a free template thing, but we did it with good intentions to help people.

I actually quite like this. It shows that the couple want to cater for their guests well. As for the marriage advice thing, at mine we had empty wine bottles and asked people to put advice in them. I think we had maybe 5, and we opened/smashed a wine bottle on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc wedding anniversary. There are actually some really good insights and its given us a reason to get in touch with people we'd grown a bit distant from. It also makes the wedding more interactive.

I think websites are a good idea. They can list all the details on it and not have to answer endless questions from guests.

As for only being invited to the evening, I always used to be a bit miffed but tbh its always been because of numbers and the couple cant afford to cater for everyone they want there. They probably realised that after they'd sent the save the date cards. Cut 'em some slack!

Two thoughts came to mind:

The more lavish the wedding and preparations, the more chance that the marriage will end in divorce. No idea if this is true though.

The music suggestions for the DJ- we could have some fun there surely? The Tammy Wynette song, 'the man who' by the Super Furry Animals, many songs by the Sleaford Mods, a couple of Lily Allen's, and some of the works of Ian Dury and the Blockheads.

It wouldn't surprise me if some weddings have fanciful things going on these days,as in things that have to be adhered to, it must be a pain, to have to organise all the fancy arrangements,when all you want to do,is get married.

@Dyrne

If you think that poorly of the couple then decline - I’m sure they’d love the opportunity to invite 4 more of their friends that actually like them and want to celebrate with them.

This. I hate it when people bitch about weddings then attend.

Maybe they don't have experience of the convention and just thought that whichever part they were inviting you to they still wanted to let you know the date. It's still an invite.

I don't really see the issue with providing/exchanging info via a website.

The website featured biographies and interviews with the happy couple as well as pictures from Their engagement photo shoot.
Weird and indulgent. Interviews with the happy couple ffs. DPs cousin did this (we weren't invited) we found it cringe. They're getting divorced after a few years.

Now, in spite of getting a save the date, we learn from the invite which has just come through that we are only invited to the evening do.
Faux Pas as a PP said, STD are only for daytime guests, unless there are new covid / number restrictions etc.

For each guest (so 4 of us) there is a survey of dietary requirements
Normal, catering needs to know if there are any serious allergies or dietary restrictions.

suggestions for songs for the DJ
Fairly common, people want you to dance and enjoy yourself and this way at least you'll hear one song you like / possibly want to dance to.

and a space to write marital advice to the couple.
They're probably planning on displaying them somewhere at the wedding, seen lots of these advice boards at weddings where people fill in little post-its or cards but on the day of the actual wedding. A friend did this and invited a couple who we're in the middle of a rather nasty split (wedding couple we're godparents of the DC). Divorcing couple woman was v drunk and wrote in very big letters "GET A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER NOW!) we subtly ripped it down.

I've just booked my wedding for 2023..... no way on earth am I doing all this!
Interview? Are they famous? 😂😂
I've just cringed so hard I ground my teeth

Eurgh!

Biography’s? Interviews? 😂😂😂😂 I despair.