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Original poster

Toy sharing

27 replies

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 22:49

So let me set the scene and ask how you would explain this to your kids.

My LO's are 5 and 7. Next door have a 4yr old, just moved in a few month ago. Anyways they get in really well, we have removed a fence panel to allow the kids easy access to each other.

Our garden is full of play equipment, swings, slides, cars, bikes, scooters, Wendy House, outdoor kitchen etc it's a big garden. We allow the next door neighbour to come over anytime to play as he had nothing but a football in his garden as his garden is more a. Adult space with lots of plants, seating, etc.

However 2 week ago he got a large trampoline at the bottom on his garden, his parents have told me that the trampoline is just for their son. My LO's can still enter their garden and watch him play on it but they can not get on.

I was a little shocked, but it's their garden, their stuff, their rules.

Ive tried to explain this to my children but they just don't get it and have started telling the little boy to play in his own garden at times because they don't want him to play on their stuff.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle, I've tole my boys to be nice and tried explaining again. They just keep telling me how unfair it is. I'm. Chalking it up to a life lesson for them both, they can't have what isn't theirs. However would you guys handle it any differently?

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 22/05/2021 22:52

I’m sorry but I would be putting the fence back up , no way on earth would ndn child be playing on my slide and swing if mine couldn’t have a bounce on his trampoline . Selfish twats .

LettyLoman · 22/05/2021 22:53

Re secure the fence. Your not free child care for selfish parents. They want to play? They knock the door where you’ll have the option of saying your kids are busy today.

purpleme12 · 22/05/2021 22:54

Well I would be honest and tell them in my opinion the parent isn't being very kind ... But at the same time there's not a you can do they can't really go on it if he's saying that
I would explain it's coming from the parent not the child

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Rainallnight · 22/05/2021 22:56

Wow, that is so tough. I’d like to think I’d tell me DC that it was best to be kind and generous even if other people make different decisions but I’d also think fuck them.

What did you say when the NDN told you?

Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2021 22:58

Definitely put the fence back up. There's no way I'd expect my dc to accept second class treatment. They can still have the neighbour dc to play when they ask.

I'd tell the other parents that you need to put the fence up since they don't want the dc playing on each other's toys. They need to know that they can't have it just one way with shared toys.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 22/05/2021 22:59

Get that fence panel back up!

I really hate politics around sharing. Especially when it's one rule for one family!
Last summer I went away with a friend to a holiday cottage and told my children "Don't take anything you wouldn't want to share" as friends has 2 kids same age as my kids.
So her kids happily played with my children's toy. My kids were fine about this. But they went absolutely beserk the second one of mine touched one of their toys and what's more my friend said "oh no MiniFrangi, that's Amelia's toy you can't play with that". In the end I said "are they sharing or are they not, because if your kids aren't then I don't see why mine should". Friend was and couldn't understand the problem - said "my kids are sharing, except for the toys they wanna keep to themselves"

Asbolutely · 22/05/2021 23:01

Are they worried about your kids wandering across and bouncing without an adult there? I wouldn't want unsupervised kids in my trampoline. But if they're saying no to any bouncing, even with them or you supervising, then that's pretty weird after your generosity...

If they're just being mean, maybe use safety as an excuse to reinstate the fence. Say you're worried about your kids going in and bouncing without you noticing, so it's best the fence stays up now.

CadburyCake · 22/05/2021 23:01

I sort of sympathise with the parents, because a trampoline is actually quite dangerous, especially as a group and I wouldn’t want the blame/hassle if your child broke their elbow or my kid got landed on by yours and broke his leg.

That said, it would be kind to offer to supervise your children to have the odd individual go on it since it sounds like this has been a fairly one sided arrangement so far.

I’d tell your children it is unfair, but there’s not much you can do about it!

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 22/05/2021 23:02

That’s harsh of them. Time to reinstate the fencing.

giantwaterbottle · 22/05/2021 23:03

Put that panel back up! That's awful!
Unless it's maybe a safety concern on their part? Like they don't want other kids on it unsupervised but their own it's ok?

beepbeepbonk · 22/05/2021 23:05

If your child were to fall off their trampoline and suffer a life changing injury. Who would you blame?

That could be the reason?

beepbeepbonk · 22/05/2021 23:05

Or maybe you're children are a bit rough with the younger child?

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:08

They said they wanted the trampoline to be his special thing toy that he doesn't have to share.

I fully appreciate the safety aspect. Im going to reace the fence panel tomorrow due to safety because although I fully supervise my kids in the garden at all times, accidents can happen, not easy for me to supervise them wehm they do next door. Thank you for your insight.

OP posts:

IReallyNeedMoreGin · 22/05/2021 23:13

Another one saying put the fence back up!

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:14

That's what I thought, so I asked the question about me possibly supervising them and they came back with an absolute No. Saying they don't want to walk into their own back garden and find me stood there watching the kids. However I'm always put in my garden when the boys are out and they know this. I think it's why they send their lo out into the garden everytime we are out. I get safety concerns and it being their garden, their rules. I don't know i just feel. Like my boys are not welcome in their garden and that makes me feel bad. I've esplained it to my boys I just hope I've explained/taught them enough to be kind to the little boy regardless as it's not his fault.

OP posts:

TheMethodicalMeerkat · 22/05/2021 23:15

Your dc are right though, it is unfair. The other child gets to play with all their stuff but they can’t do the same.

I was a little shocked, but it's their garden, their stuff, their rules.

Ive tried to explain this to my children but they just don't get it

They do get it, they’re just applying the same rationale! It’s not the little boys fault but from your dc POV if they “can’t have what isn’t theirs” why are they not able to apply that rule to their own stuff?

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:18

No, this isn't the case. Their personalities are kind. They are both thinkers and artistic. They take dance class, robotics and cricket. They tried karate, martial arts and football. Their demeanors just don't suit those kind of extra curricular activities. Should give you an understanding of how gentle they are. Don't get me wrong, they can't tantrum like the best of them when they want more cartoons lol

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 22/05/2021 23:21

I have a few DC and we had this issue with DCousins too, I always say no one has to share their things, but bare in mind if you choose not to share your things with someone they might decide they don’t want to share their things with you either and if they don’t share with you you might decide not to share with them either which is fine, your things are yours and you can choose. They got the message, sometimes they share, sometimes they don’t, if anyone takes the piss I just remind them all of the above and it sorts itself out.
Poor lad, his parents have fucked him over the twunts.

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:23

Thanks everyone, for safety I'm putting the fence back up.

Also I think this will be a clearer message to my boys, that they can choose when the neighbour comes I've to play with their toys, giving them some control back over their own garden.

I just didn't know if I was being petty putting it back, but this is the safest, fairest option

OP posts:

SD1978 · 22/05/2021 23:24

Fence panel needs to go back up. If (when) they question you, simple answer is I don't want my kids to get on the trampoline, and this way I can guarantee it. It's pretty crap of them to let their son use all your kids toys, and then say no to the trampoline. I'd find it a bit weird if your kids were using it when the home owners were out, and I came home to find you and your kids in my backyard, but if the kids are all playing together, it should be with either the toys in your garden or the trampoline- although I'd want to supervise on a trampoline a5 those ages. Other couple have shot themselves in the foot. They now have a child, a trampoline, and full responsibility to entertain their own child!

Theunamedcat · 22/05/2021 23:27

Reinstate the fence buy your own trampoline

If they ask why you have put the fence up explain its causing conflict and you don't want that so its best to keep it all separate

CadburyCake · 22/05/2021 23:28

Whose idea was it to remove the panel etc?You sound very generous and happy to have him in your garden etc, which is lovely. I’d say you are unusual in that respect - I’d never dream of removing a fence panel or allowing neighbours kids free rein over my garden. I wouldn’t like to walk into my garden and find you there watching your kids on my trampoline either and your kids wouldn’t be welcome in my garden unless specifically invited. Not unkindly, just my boundaries are in a very different place. I think they might be dropping a pretty big hint they’re not up for a “joint gardens free for all”. Just put the fence back up and if your boys want to invite him round occasionally then do that.

Or just get a trampoline for your garden if it’s big - they’re being given away on FB round here all the time.

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:31

Thank you, we already have the rule, my only rule actually is that, he could only come over if I was outside with my boys. Hence I would only be at the bottom of their garden with my kids and their son, when playing on the trampoline together, but it was an absolute no. They never supervise their lo in the garden, which again is their parenting style and I'm not here to trash that. We all parent differently,im a helicopter parent trying to step back but again we are all different.

Like you said, this way they have full responsibility of their own child at all times in their garden and I don't need to concern myself with that. Never had neighbours with kids before so this is a learning curve for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yeahyeahyep · 22/05/2021 23:37

I totally respect your boundaries, they sound very reasonable to me.

Im a little different, he can only come in if my boys are out and I'm supervising.

Olus it was his parents that asked if we could remove the panel to let the boys play together. I had no problem with it, only I occurs to me now, how silly I've been because all the toys are out garden and that's where they play alll the time (apart from when he's on his trampoline)

Just to absolutely confirm, I would be er have been in their garden, nor my children I their garden unless they were in and their child was out playing with mine.

OP posts:

CadburyCake · 22/05/2021 23:46

“ Olus it was his parents that asked if we could remove the panel to let the boys play together.”

Ah ok, I wondered if you’d removed the panel and had the impression you had suggested he could have free 24/7 access to your property! After your clarification they just sound like people who rather like their child being entertained by you and your property but don’t want to reciprocate. Which is cheeky, unfair and rude.

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