DS starting secondary school in September & I’m a bit worried for him

[Apecks1eg]

DS starting secondary in Sept. He likes to play role play games & mostly plays with year 5s. Not interested in sport. He told me today that he is being teased by some of the boys in his year for playing these kind of games (some of these boys are going to the same secondary school as him). I’m a bit worried about secondary school - will he have anyone to hang out with, is it all football at break times? He’s a lovely kind & caring boy & I’m hoping he is going to find some like minded friends to hang out with.

Anyone worried about the same or have any reassuring experiences of the same to share?

I know I sound a bit bonkers btw

You don’t sound bonkers at all, understandably concerned if I’m being honest. Hopefully, ds will find his tribe in secondary school.

Secondary school is usually much bigger than prinary. primary. In a year of 200+ students he will find those who think like him.

At the school I taught at, there were all sorts of kids. Plenty playing footy but also plenty playing Msgic the Gathering at every opportunity, or going to the library at lunchtime to play top trumps or read. We had a writing club and a bridge club and a MTG club. He will find done lovely friends I am sure.

sorry for typos, hope you get the gist

My DN went to secondary as a bit of a loose canon in terms of interests etc., he found his people and had a lovely time.

I work in a secondary school, there will be a much bigger pool from which to find like minded friends.
There will be lots of other children like your DS, I love watching each pupil find their way; they really do blossom and develop a sense of who they are.
You could always discuss it with his year 6 teacher as they could flag your DS up in terms of the best tutor placement.
Please don't worry, he will find his people. This kind of thing is very important to the team that will be helping the year 7's settle in, there will be lots planned to help each tutor group bond.

Thanks everyone - it would be great if he found his tribe.

It might be worth flagging up to his teacher now. The reason I say this is that with covid the year 7 classes have not really mixed. They stay in the class bubbles. It has really limited them in terms of meeting other children.

If he like role playing try seeing if the secondary school has a drama club so he can meet kids with the same interests as him

If lunchtime clubs are up and running in September then encourage him to go to those that interest him. Ideally 3 a week, hopefully that is where he will find his friends and people who will value his imagination and creativity.

My dd's closest friend at secondary school is a lovely boy who is into Drama and not at all sporty. Is your ds going to a mixed school? There will be a huge pool of non-sporty children - my dd and the friends she made (and she really struggles with making friends, I worried so much before she started) spent yr 7 break times playing hide and seek!

My dd didn't have friends at primary and would play with much younger children at break times. She's settled ok into secondary, found a few oddballs like herself. That's the good thing about secondary, tends to be much bigger than primary so it gives them more of a chance to find their Tribe.

DS5 is also starting high school in Sept.
most of his friends are going to a different high school but neither of us are worried because we know he will make new friends. (he did it before when he went from his infant school to a totally different junior school than the rest of his classmates). And he even has friends who play footie despite him not being a sporty kind.
Trust me, football is not the only possible way to make friends!
Apart from DS2 none of my other kids are remotely interested in football or sports in general and they've all made friends regardless!

so worry a bit less.😁
find out what other clubs there are (hopefully they will all be back on by then) as that's a great way to bond with kids with similar interests. Drama club might just be the thing for him!

you can always talk to his class tutor and bring up concerns about bullying too.

Thanks everyone. Yes he is going to a mixed school, which I think will suit him better than all boys. I am encouraging him to try some clubs when he starts - his art is amazing & he loves science too so hopefully there will be some clubs he can enjoy. I think he would be great at drama but he says he is too shy - we’ll see.

Great to hear about all your lovely kids & their positive experiences at secondary school.

My son played footie in primary to fit in but only plays footie in PE lessons at secondary. His group usually get something to eat in the canteen and chat with phones.
In the summer they sometimes chase each other sort of thing but they are gamer types who meet up on headset rather than in person.

Your son is more likely to meet other kids like him. Our secondary is running clubs now and if your son goes to ones that interest him then the likelihood of meeting new people is even higher.

Not all 11/12 year old boys like or play football.

I was so worried about my son moving up, but he just hangs around with the boys who don't play it. Like someone else said they eat, chat and mess about with their phones.

One week in and it felt like he'd always been there.

My ds is a bit like your son op, no interest in football, and just quiet and sensitive. My DS started secondary last September and agree with others he has found his tribe. Not loads of friends but friends with similar interests and personality.
It's a huge worry when they start secondary but I bet it won't be as bad as it seems.

I have one like this. When he moved schools, I spoke to the new school about my concerns and they worked hard to put him with other boys who might be a good fit. So I suggest you pick up the phone.

This thread makes me feel more positive about DD1 starting secondary school next year (she is in year 5 now). She has always struggled to make friends and currently has 2 friends who are both boys. She doesn’t get on with any of the girls in her class. She is interested in Dr Who, minecraft and Japan, and other 10 year old girls are not. I hope that when she goes to secondary school there will be more children in the year group so she is more likely to find others like her. She is also adamant that she doesn’t want to go to a single sex school which rules out a lot of the options round here.

OP, you could have been describing my son this time last year. His class at primary was full of football mad jocks, and he mainly hung around with much younger kids as a result. I was really worried about how he would fit in at high school, whether he'd be picked on for being quirky etc. He's been absolutely fine, as previous posters have said the pool of kids is much bigger, and there are lots more opportunities to mix.

Badly I'm sure your DD will be fine too, even if there aren't kids with interests that 100% align there will be enough like minded ones. Plus if not, high schools seem ok about moving kids if they don't make friends in their first form.

I think role playing games, etc, are marvellous! Mine used to play those and put on concerts in the garden, had funny quizzes etc.

Sport? No.

When your son goes to 'big' school he will meet others who like the same things as him, and he will find some new interests.

Please don't worry but do build up his confidence as much as possible.

My DS is like this. Loveliest boy, kind, sweet, clever. He has a few issues, I'm not going to lie. Some of the "cool kids" were not pleasant but he's done a great job of studiously ignoring it and just got on with life. Now they're settled he's away from the wallies in a fair few of his classes so that's made it easier too.

He's found himself some equally lovely and slightly nerdy friends and that's made all the difference. I am sure your DS will find his tribe xx

We found that none of the y7 boys played football at the start, as the football playing space was taken up by older boys and they didn’t fancy trying to muscle their way in! Which meant that there was more chance for them all to mix in the early days and not be so segregated into sporty and not-sporty.

Thanks so much, feeling so much better hearing all these reassurances!

@badlydrawnbear my dd and her friends are also into Dr Who, minecraft and Japan! They seem to read, and watch, lots of Japanese cartoon books/films. So I'm sure your dd will find others similar. My dd has also never been part of the 'cool girl' set and is much more comfortable with geeky boys as friends. She would have really struggled at an all girls school - thankfully she's at a good mixed sex one, and has a small group of non-cool friends.