unprotected sex and sti panic, can anyone help

[worriedsv]

I’m a massive worrier as it is. I stupidly had unprotected sex with my partner, been together 3 months so we had waited a while. It just happened. Not worried about contraception as on the pill but have suddenly become terrified of an sti.

I have spoke to DP and he says he will go get a test but he doesn’t think there’s anything to worry about. He thinks he had a test years ago but hasn’t be in a relationship for a long time since before meeting me.

I know this is my fault and I have booked a test but it’s not for another week. I have huge self sabotage issues with relationships and I am now worried this is going to impact this relationship which was going so well.

I know it’s all my fault and that all I can do is have a test. I’m just looking for some support really, I know I don’t deserve it

Give yourself a bit of a break - of course you deserve some sympathy, these things happen - it's was stupid, but you know that, you don't need lots of strangers repeating that at you. All there is to do is wait and do the test and wait some more for the results. Have a little faith in this guy, that's all you can do at the moment. Just try to take your mind off things for the next few weeks.

Thanks @MaMaD1990 I feel disgusted with myself for letting myself be in a situation where I’m this worried. He’s barely had any relationships so I sort of thought it was less risky but of course that’s ridiculous and an idiotic way to have thought and then it just happened. Hate myself, I’m 31 so hardly young and new to it all

One off sex with a partner who hasn't had many partners is really low risk. You are worried so you are getting tested. The end. Absolutely no need to berate yourself for this at all. These things happen. You are sorting it with a test. Please forgive yourself even though there is frankly nothing to forgive. If this relationship is for the long haul it will survive this.

@worriedsv

Thanks *@MaMaD1990* I feel disgusted with myself for letting myself be in a situation where I’m this worried. He’s barely had any relationships so I sort of thought it was less risky but of course that’s ridiculous and an idiotic way to have thought and then it just happened. Hate myself, I’m 31 so hardly young and new to it all

I know its hard to put the worry out of your mind (I've been there too!) you just have to prepare yourself for a worrisome few weeks and learn a really big lesson. That's the best you can do. Keep open conversation about it with your boyfriend (if he is that?) do you at least have someone to sound off your worries to in real life. It's his responsibility as much as it is yours so he should be there for you, and you him should you need it.

Really try not to panic. You will hardly be the first person to have unprotected sex. Also, fwiw, the STIs that aren’t curable (herpes and HPV) can be transmitted even if you are using a condom. So your main concerns are chlamydia and gonorrhoea and they are easily treatable with antibiotics. It’s good you’re getting tested though. It’s a sensible thing to do in a new relationship anyway.

I would also add that you can do at home self-sampling tests (I work in sexual health), which you may be able to collect from the clinic or request online. Or you can buy them privately from Boots or Amazon. That will cut down waiting for an appointment. We generally aren’t seeing anyone face to face at the moment and most testing can be done at home.

Thanks so much for being so kind.

He’s been lovely and is happy to go for a test.

I just feel so silly. 31! What’s wrong with me. I can’t relax at all and worry if it’s caused damage. All my own fault.