Not allowing yourself to be happy because things aren't totally perfect

[TheMagicFarawaySea]

Does anybody else do this? I make it worse at times when good things are happening. I say to myself 'you can't let yourself enjoy this because X is still an issue'. As in 'if only X were fixed/different/hadn't happened, I could be really happy'. Why?!?! It's a total glass half empty approach and I hate that I've developed it as some sort of 'dont get too excited' mechanism. I need to develop a different approach, I'm so annoyed at myself!

Sunday bump

Read The Responsibility Rebellion by Kane Ramsay. Especially the chapter on self worth and self concept.

Just ordered it @Sarahlou63 thank you

I hear you OP

In addition to the above suggestion, I try and remember to do a gratitude journal (or you could do gratitude practice verbally). Sounds a bit twee, but I find it really helps.

Second the gratitude journal. I actually do it in the notes on my phone. I don't do it every single day but when I remember, I write down something I'm grateful for. It's especially useful when I'm having a low day because there are so many things in there already that a quick scroll through makes me smile and puts me in a better mood for the day.

At any point in my life when I've felt happy/content something terrible has happened.

I daren't allow myself to be happy in case I bring my family 'bad luck'/catastrophe.

I can't seem to get out of that mindset.

@MilduraS yes! I find a read back makes me feel better too. Someone I have followed for a long time does a blog called Three Beautiful Things that started out for this reason. She's called Clare, and though other people have done similar, I think she was the first. It's really helpful to me. here

@fairyannie I worry about this too! It's like I can't allow myself to enjoy anything because i fear it's going to be taken away

[quote TheMagicFarawaySea]@fairyannie I worry about this too! It's like I can't allow myself to enjoy anything because i fear it's going to be taken away [/quote]
I'm anxious in general.

I do appreciate all the good things, the tiniest things - e.g. that's lucky it's not raining today.

I can rationalise negative thoughts and 'flip' them into a positive.

E.g.

Me: I can't go to the supermarket now (when it's convenient) because I won't be able to find a parking place.

Rational me: there will be people leaving the car park all the time and you'll drive straight into a spot.

My brain: there won't be anyone leaving and if there is a spot it'll be too narrow because people haven't parked centrally between the markings. (I have a wide car.)

This has impacted my life quite severely. I have had CBT and have practiced the suggestions but my brain seems set. Almost as if I enjoy punishing myself and as long as I keep punishing myself everyone else will be ok.

This must be some sort of martyrdom syndrome. 🤔

I'm exactly the same. I have everything I ever wanted yet can't enjoy it because one aspect isn't right/I'm worried about it. I have health anxiety which has sort of projected onto my children now so find myself almost searching for something to worry about... also ties into being scared to relax and enjoy the moment in case I sort of "tempt the gods" and it all goes wrong.

It's exhausting and depressing and you have my sympathy.