Is he doing this deliberately?

[FictionalCharacter]

I work in a small team, all WFH at the moment, and we have a video call twice a week, same days and times. Not a formal meeting but we have a lot to get through in a limited time.

One woman shares work space with her DH who is also WFH but not all the time. Without fail, 5 minutes after we’ve started he makes a phone call and starts talking in a very loud, booming voice. Ridiculously loud, like something from a comedy sketch. We all have to stop talking because it’s impossible to hear her and anyone else. She politely reminds him she’s on a call and he loudly stomps out. Then stomps back again. Every time.

Last week she started joining the meeting from her kitchen or garden. Wherever she is, he appears behind her, stomping and clumping around, talking and interrupting her.

Is he just being inconsiderate? Because it seems to me this is deliberate, either some kind of weird territorial behaviour, or he’s doing it to disrespect her work and show that he’s more important. My DH wouldn’t dream of doing that when I’m on a call.

I’ve noticed in general that female workmates get interrupted by DPs on calls quite often, or the DP wanders around behind them. I haven’t yet seen a male colleague’s DW do this to them.

It’s reminded me of the MNer some years ago whose DH hated it when her friends came round, and used to constantly walk through the room when they were there, muttering comments and making them feel unwelcome.

Is this just rudeness or something more?

@DownWhichOfLate Yes she did go into a bedroom once, but he seems to pop up wherever she goes. That’s one reason I really think it’s deliberate.

@Botanica I’ll look into that setting that drowns out background noise - thanks.

@Kocduw @NewMatress Yes we do usually stay on mute unless speaking, but when it’s a discussion it can be a faff to keep switching on and off and we forget. You’re right in that we can’t hear him if she’s muted, but it doesn’t stop him coming up to her demanding her attention.

Obviously he can see her screen, so I do wonder whether he’d be even more determined to interrupt her directly if she changed the background.

I get the feeling she’d be even more mortified if she got an email drawing attention to his behaviour.

@HollowTalk

If only men like this knew what other people thought of them.

Yes indeed - “crowing like a cockerel” as a PP put it and looking ridiculous.

Men like this think it makes them look busy and important. Like Thomas The Tank Engine

They know it embarrasses their wife in front of her colleagues. That’s one of the objectives.

It wouldn't matter what anybody said in an email to her or whether any of you brought his behaviour up at all as the only one who can kick him up the arse is her. She knows he's being apita and would be dead embarrassed if any of you mentioned it, however obliquely. Personally I'd suggest the team leader emails you all, reminding you of the need to be in a quiet space to take these calls and that it's not an unreasonable expectation as it's only twice a week. Then leave her to come up with a solution.
Alternatively, one of you could shout out 'he's behind you!' every time he appears.
Poor woman.