I am first time in my life in a same sex relationship (am a woman). I'm in my late thirties, I realised that I was only attracted to women late in my life , as I was brought up in a very traditional and religious family.
My family and friends accepted me fully, and I had a relatively easy time coming out. So far so good... then I met a woman, who was so understanding and so sensitive and so vulnerable that it took my guards down. I fully committed to the relationship and spent a lot of time with her and her children, who were excited to accept me. Moving on 4 years, I am now practically a full time parent, and I am working full time in a management role. I am exhausted, my partner has lost her job because she was frankly taking the piss with an unacceptable attendance. I am trying to ask her for help to at least take the kids out for a bike ride, but she is too exhausted, depressed or tired . She has been to the GP too many times to count, she does take antidepressants but they don't seem to make a difference. I'm thinking there is a bigger problem there, but she tells me that I'm not fit to have a family.
The biggest problem is the special days, the birthdays and other celebrations, everyone is very excited to plan things and we did used to make sure to go out. My partner would always get upset to the point of not coming with us, for example we had a mother's day brunch booked for us and our mums, and it was just me and kids who could go.
When she is upset she doesn't eat and just drinks alcohol. And then she hurts me: I have been bitten, had a black eye, strangled and pushed and scratched. If she was a man, I wouldn't stand for it, no way.
I feel trapped because she is a woman and there are children, who will not have a fit mother if I leave. She knows that and she knows that is why I put up with her moods.
But I'm just so tired and guilty all the time, I have tried to change to be how she likes it, but I still say things that are wrong. For example, today is my sisters birthday and I was excited to talk to her all day, during the video call my connection went. My partner unplugged the Internet and hid the box.
So childish, but I am feeling sad about it. I just want a normal life.
And finance is really tough, she only gives me half the rent nothing towards the bills or expenses, so whatever monies she makes she spends on herself, honestly it's like having a teenager living with you🤣 only not so funny.
Sorry for the rant, but I'm finding myself yet on another school night in s full blown drama, she is on the sofa tonight because she decided not to talk to me since I called my sister, kids are asleep and I am just tired.