Apologies for the long post, it’s my first post looking for some advice as I’m having issues with my babies father (now separated)
So this all started when I was pregnant, he turned nasty and one day spat in my face when I was heavily pregnant. I never fully trusted him as a person after this.
Anyway when my daughter was born he was brill with her for the first 4-6 weeks he loved her, and even though I breastfed her he found other ways to help like bathing, changing the baby and making sure I had dinner/tea etc. But then it slowly stopped as if he got bored off her. He was constantly out never helped me, spent around 1-2 hours a week with his daughter. Literally was never there, he worked long hours and would get home after we’d gone to bed. He rides a motorbike and was out all weekend on his motorbike. I used to text him to ask I’d he’d sit with her for an hour whilst I got a bath or a nap etc. 99% of the time he never came back. Made it out like I was asking for a favour when I’m reality just asking for him to see his daughter for an hour! One night he came home very very drunk, come and took her down the stairs whilst he was stumbling about. I obviously went and got her but he just gave me abuse for it. The next day it was always ‘why nothing happened’ etc. This all happened in the first lockdown when I had no one else to ask to come and help with baby. Not long after, I left and I went to live at my sisters house. Since I left he was the same with her never turned up to see her or take her for a walk like he said. He never text to ask about her but put loads of pictures on his Facebook to make out like he’s a doting father. When the restrictions lifted I used to take her to his dads house for them to see each other. But sometimes went weeks without seeing or asking about her too. Whilst we’ve been at his dads a series off events has happened, like he put her on the back off his motorbike and drove round the garden with her (when she was 6 months old) whilst his dad videoed it!! I asked him not to do but I just got a load of abuse for it and he did it anyway. Not that long ago he put her in a seat attached to his push bike, looks like a swing seat without any straps! I’d say it’s for kids aged 2+. Again I tried to say this isn’t safe for 11 month old babies but he hurled a load of abuse at me and rode off with her on without a helmet and took her round the block for 20-30 mins! All whilst his dad states ‘it’s right’ It’s intimidating feeling like I can’t stick up for my daughter to not be put in dangerous positions.
Recently over the last few weeks it’s been nice I’ve taken her to the park and left her with her father for 30 mins. I’ve never left her for longer with him. And now he’s pushing for me to let him pick her up and take her out for a few hours on his own like ‘all other normal fathers’ and ‘he deserves’ time on his own. He’s never acted like a normal father? And states I’ll get laughed at if he takes me to court for more access? I’ve never denied access just don’t trust allowing him to take her out on his own. He bought her quad bike for her 1st birthday! Last week he walked away saying ‘ I’ll smash your head in’ because I didn’t give in to his demands about him taking her out on his own. He’s never bothered with her, never prioritised her and put her in dangerous positions! So why now all off a sudden does he want more access he’s never bothered before? And always says ‘why what’s happened’ when I say I don’t trust him, I genuinely think he doesn’t even think anything has happened and that’s the scary part. I understand he’s her father but morally I don’t feel he has any rights at all. I’ve solely raised her so far. I just don’t trust he has good intentions for her, I don’t trust what he will do with her when I’m not there. I know 100% he will have her on the back of that quad bike (she’s 13 months old and very petite girl)
I’ve spoken to our health visitor who says I’m doing the right things and I wouldn’t be doing my job as a mother to leave her with him. I just don’t know how much longer I can put up with his abuse and pushing me into making me leave her when I don’t feel comfortable. What would anyone do in my position? Would you allow him to take her out or when would you let him start taking her out? Do I sound like I’m over reacting or would you react the same?! Also a first time mum! My family think I should take it further because of how nasty he is but what would be the outcome if I did go family court?!
So sorry for rambling just need some advice because I genuinely just don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading 😊