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Original poster

No more babies... please cheer me up!

14 replies

Etsylicious · 18/05/2021 22:38

So, after much soul searching and internal debate, I/we decided no more children. I feel relieved but sad too.

Sad because I don’t get to experience the wonderfulness of it all again, sad because my boy will never have a sibling.

Relieved because life felt on hold.

I had three miscarriages before my boy (who is 4), and I’ve had three miscarriages since him. I’m 43. I have to work, my parents are in their 70’s and I suffer from bad anxiety (health). It’s just for the best all round that we don’t try again.

I’d love to hear uplifting stories/examples of having only one child or of being an only child. My boy is very happy and sociable (and utterly adored), and we have lots of friends and a nice family, I’m sure he’ll remain very happy. But I do have a heavy heart I must say...

OP posts:
Benvolio · 18/05/2021 22:45

I've known lots of wonderful only children. Children are all different from each other, so ignore the stereotypes. Good luck.

Benvolio · 18/05/2021 22:57

I've also known a few mothers of only children who are very happy with their choice. I wanted another one so much, for a few years, but now I am so glad for everyone's sake I had to stop when I did.

Glitterheart · 18/05/2021 22:59

I am an only child. I had a wonderful, happy childhood and never felt as if I missed out by not having siblings. Wishing you and your family all the best x

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AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2021 23:01

Sorry for all of your losses, I’ve been there and I empathise. I’m in a very similar boat and I hope you get some supportive replies Flowers

WaltzingToWalsingham · 18/05/2021 23:05

I'm sorry to hear you can't have more children OP, as it sounds as though you would like to. But for what it's worth, I had several boyfriends who were only children and they were all sociable, kind, well-rounded men who had really good relationships with their parents. I'm still good friends with one of them, although we're both happily married to other people. I'm sure your DS will be just fine without siblings - and he'll be in good company, as more and more couples are choosing to have just one child. Society will adapt to fit this model rather better than it has in the past, as it becomes more common.

Apileofballyhoo · 18/05/2021 23:20

DS is an only and he's generally very happy. He sees advantages and disadvantages to siblings when looking around at his friends.

I still feel sad sometimes that I only have one child and our family feels small sometimes. I found it particularly so this year during lockdowns. Another child isn't necessarily a guarantee that we'd all get on really well though.

Hoping DS has a child/children of his own someday and his partner likes me sufficiently to allow me have lots of time with them!

Megan2018 · 18/05/2021 23:26

I’m also 43, had DD (now 20 months) at 41 and it’s been wonderful. But we can’t afford another close together, we’re on our knees as it is, and don’t have the time for a 4-5 year gap as DH is 48.
So DD is an only. I would love to do the pregnancy and newborn bit again but actually our family does feel complete and I don’t feel there should be another place at the table.
I feel enormously grateful to have her and to not have experienced any losses. I was terrified all the time I was pregnant that it would go wrong and the odds are against us now. So it’s best not to try.
I am still a bit sad though and all the baby stuff in the loft as due to Covid it’s not really been easy to sell. But it’s also me slightly clinging on I think too. It’s hard to say I’m done.

hilariousnamehere · 18/05/2021 23:32

Flowers OP. But I'm an only and it's been one of the great blessings of my life - there's nothing at all I'd change about it, even having been through losing my beloved Dad four years ago.

I'm happy in my own company, have lots of good friends (and three women who are the sisters of my heart, who say they prefer our relationship to their relationship with their actual siblings) and had no problem having relationships. I've now chosen to be single because I prefer it but I don't think that's got much to do with being an only.

Your son is loved and happy and that's better than any sibling!

Keepitonthedownlow · 18/05/2021 23:35

That's lovely to hear @hilariousnamehere Flowers

MinnieMountain · 19/05/2021 06:37

DS (7) is an only. I miscarried no 2, after which we decided our hearts weren’t in it.

He is very happy, confident and sociable. He actually told is he doesn’t want a sibling.

We’ve got time to give him plenty of attention. It’s easier for DH and I to have time to ourselves too.

Original poster
Etsylicious · 19/05/2021 07:53

Thanks for the support. Good to hear from those of you who have happy only children and those of you who were/are happy being an only child.

@Apileofballyhoo I’ve already accepted I’ll probably be disliked by any dil and not get much access to grandchildren from all the horror stories on here 😯

Am going to make the most of his childhood and anything beyond that will be a nice bonus 😬☺️

Incidentally, two of his closest friends are only children too. But he does often ask if we can have a baby in our house :(

OP posts:
Bloatstoat · 19/05/2021 08:48

Flowers So sorry for your losses OP. One of my closest friends is an only child, she couldn't be more lovely and happy with her situation and has a great relationship with her parents. Another friend has an only boy who is now about 7 - she and her partner were always clear they only wanted one child - and I often look at their lovely family unit with time for both parents to spend with their son and think how well it works.
I'm sorry for you and your husband that things haven't worked out when you wanted more, I can only imagine the pain of going through so many miscarriages, I've had a loss myself and it was awful. But someone once said to me that children don't miss what they've never had, and I think it's true - they're curious, and like to imagine what things might be like, so my DS asks a lot for a brother when he's had enough of DD - but in reality the family they know and love, whatever the size, is enough.

Original poster
Etsylicious · 20/05/2021 18:58

Thanks @Bloatstoat - I think that’s true, my DH is an only and he was happy as Larry. My DS is a very happy child. We can give him the world. And he loves being with us. It’s all good.

But there is a sense of loss I feel. Maybe it’s just biology. The losses gave become too much. I don’t want to go through another.

Thanks to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond to me.

OP posts:
HollyGoLoudly1 · 20/05/2021 19:41

So sorry for your losses Flowers

I've got an only boy too. Like you there was a lot of soul searching and some sadness when I think about 'what if?'. I think I would feel that even if I had 10 children though, I know friends with multiples who speak of a similar sadness after their last babies. So we're not alone.

I console myself with thinking about: more time, more money, easier to pick up and go somewhere, easier to go on holidays, more me time, no more pregnancy or childbirth, no more pregnancy or childbirth (deserves a double mention imo), no sibling squabbles to listen to, no sibling rivalry to deal with, more space in the house, more people willing to babysit a singleton meaning more nights out, less family life admin. Oh and only one child to have to watch play football in the freezing rain on a Saturday.

And sometimes a little cry over what might have been is good too.

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