Feel like I'm having a breakdown juggling everything

[bluepinkchristmas]

I feel stupid writing this because everyone else seems to cope and I don't know what is wrong with me.

I work 4 days in a demanding job (which I mostly hate, but it pays well). I have two DC aged 5 and 1. DH works full time in a senior role. He's great. We don't have much family support as they live a long way away.

For the past few days I've just been feeling this crushing feeling like I just cannot do this anymore. I cannot deal with the daily grind of staying on top of housework, laundry, food shopping, childcare pick ups and drop offs, dealing with difficult people at work, bedtime etc etc. It just feels relentless and I'm so drained.

I woke up this morning and felt so drained. I ended up calling in sick and just spending the day staring out the window. I don't feel like I can carry on and I know I need to make changes but I don't know where to start.

On paper there is nothing wrong, I'm just a busy mum but I'm not coping. Any tips on what I do next?

Oh...... it completely sounds like you need more thyroxine. I also take supplements and could just feel the lack of thyroxine shining through your post., but didnt want to assume.

If you are anywhere near peri menopause, falling oestrogen levels can cause havoc with the amount of thyroxine you need (more and more).

What dose are you taking right now?

Also did you know that your body needs selenium to convert the stuff you take as a pill into the stuff your body uses. I take a selenium supplement to make sure I have enough as its difficult to get in foods. I also take a broad spectrum B supplement, magnesium and iron.

Thee other part about thyroxine (that you probably already know) is that it is finicky about being absorbed, so you have to take it at least half an hour before you put anything else into your body in the morning. I keep it on my bedside table with a glass of water and take it as soon as I wake up. It means its less of a wait until my first cup of tea and Im less likely to forget it in the morning rush. You also HAVE to remember it every day

I would def do Medichecks and hope you feel better soon

I think it's easy to underestimate what working in a demanding role / with difficult people can do to you. I don't have DCs, my life generally is pretty balanced and I actually quite like the content of my job, but some parts of it send me into fight or flight mode quite quickly and regularly, which can have an impact on your cortisol levels, ability to deal with stress etc. I don't think I would cope if I had to manage 2 small children and everything that comes with that on top of it, it's only because I have a lot of quiet / me time when I'm not working that I manage it I think!!

@SeaToSki

Oh...... it completely sounds like you need more thyroxine. I also take supplements and could just feel the lack of thyroxine shining through your post., but didnt want to assume.

If you are anywhere near peri menopause, falling oestrogen levels can cause havoc with the amount of thyroxine you need (more and more).

What dose are you taking right now?

Also did you know that your body needs selenium to convert the stuff you take as a pill into the stuff your body uses. I take a selenium supplement to make sure I have enough as its difficult to get in foods. I also take a broad spectrum B supplement, magnesium and iron.

Thee other part about thyroxine (that you probably already know) is that it is finicky about being absorbed, so you have to take it at least half an hour before you put anything else into your body in the morning. I keep it on my bedside table with a glass of water and take it as soon as I wake up. It means its less of a wait until my first cup of tea and Im less likely to forget it in the morning rush. You also HAVE to remember it every day

I would def do Medichecks and hope you feel better soon

Why does the GP or pharmacy not tell us this?! Or is it on the packaging and I've never looked? Where do you get your vitamins from please?

Thank you, I've phoned the GP to book a blood test but my instincts are telling me it's my lifestyle and work. It's my day off today and I'm with the youngest and even though she's on the go constantly as always, I'm just so much happier.

Need to have a long hard look at our budget and whether I can find a less pressurised role, ideally fewer hours too.

In the short term the plan is to be better at using my leave so I get more of a break when the DC are in school/childcare and I'm also going to look into taking some parental leave over the summer.

Wuurg

Unfortunately the doctors just dont seem to know much about thyroxine, it seems to work well enough and that is good enough for them. The fact that you can feel even better seems to escape them.

I found out about the selenium after much research myself..its there in the clinical papers, they have studied it.

They also dont tell you that if you take steroids it completely blocks any thyroxine you take, you might as well not even bother.

My vitamins are from the US as that is where I live. I would suggest you use a major brand and look at bioavailability data (that is how much of what you swallow actually ends up in your blood stream rather than in the toilet) as it can vary a lot.

@SeaToSki thank you for the detailed info

OP i could have written every word of this! I have two small DC aged 5 and 3 and also work four days in a demanding job. Yesterday evening I was in tears because I felt so overwhelmed by everything there is to do. I've ended up doing work on what is meant to be my childcare day. Always checking my work emails and catching up on stuff in the evenings. Chores galore. So many birthdays coming up. Parents and friends needing attention. DH needing attention. Fitting in some kind of exercise. Helping DD with her schoolwork. All stuff we all deal with but combined I just feel so hopeless.

I think for me the main issue is work. I need to draw a line and only do what I can do. It's bloody hard though. Really hope you find something that can help you.

Oh and we also have no nearby family support and annual leave days are being kept in reserve for the school holidays. I do have this Friday booked for a haircut though, will probably spend the rest of it doing chores...

It real sounds like you're burnt out and trust me everyone else is not holding it together! Especially after the strain of the last year.

It's great that you say your DH is supportive, but I would look closely at how much he's doing. My husband and I both work in demanding professional roles, but we try to split household jobs as 50%/50% as possible. For example, I start work early and do after school club pick up/evening meal, but I don't do ANYTHING in the morning. He does DS dressing, breakfast, lunchbox and school drop off. We also split bedtimes pretty much every other day. I would second getting a cleaner too, it hasn't got to be forever and will help reduce the load.

I've gone through a period in the past where I felt really overwhelmed and anxious. It's led to a longer term chronic pain condition so I'd really advise you to try to get help sooner rather than later as excess stress can really affect your overall health. I completed an CBT course through local psychology services (GP can refer you or you can self refer in many locations), which was a massive help too.

I feel exactly the same - our lives seem identical but my kids are 6 and 2. It is totally relentless.

Have been there OP. I would totally agree with you taking leave/sick leave now to allow you to recover. Your body is telling you to take a break. Better to listen to it than push on through and get really sick (like I did).

I actually think that one of the most important things you said here was that you feel like you're pathetic and everyone else can cope.
I feel like this alot and have actually found it very useful to break that down and look at the individual people I know and I think you'll find that very few people cope with all the things you are coping with. Many people I know have lots of family support or they have a DH who works at home (particularly at the moment) and so is around mornings and evenings and so on!
Comparing your situations the way that you are can just make you feel worse. Try to embrace your feelings and be kind to yourself. Imagine it was your best friend telling you all this, speak to yourself as you would to them.

It's aLOT and it's OK to feel overwhelmed.

I had this after 1dc & changed careers & industries. Started off 2 days a wk & built up to 4. Best decision ever.

For me I wanted to work but I needed a job that wasn't mentally as demanding. I log off & switch off.

This won't help but I also have lots of family support & get a fair chunk of the school holidays off (10 wks).

If you don't stop now then this will become a MH issue that you need to see the GP about.
Agree with everyone saying take time off and recoup. Do it now. You need to look after yourself before you can even begin to look after everyone else.
Your workplace won't implode without you for a couple of weeks surely, and I'm betting there will be colleagues who have had time off for way less than you.
It's time to stop.
Start looking at changes you can make when things feel more manageable as otherwise you're only adding to your plate.

My DH does a lot of the child tasks as well, but he doesn’t do any of the mental load. He is a soldier and I am the general. As much as we have tried to shift that responsibility breakdown, it just hasn’t worked. I am the one who keeps track of all the little details and basically does the tasks he is assigned/we divvy up from the list so write. So all he really can do is acknowledge the mental stress of my parenting role mixed with a career and try to give me the downtime I need.

So I have to wonder if that is part of the problem in your household as well.

How has it come to this - that women have demanding jobs and still have to do pretty much everything else house and child related 🙄🙄. Definitely a feminist issue.

Hats off to you all look after yourselves. I couldn’t hack it personally and binned the mental demanding job until youngest started school.