If you're an academic, how're you doing?

[ponderingthisthing]

I'm an early career researcher and been feeling very unmotivated in my work. I work in the humanities so it's pretty much independent research. Work/ life balance was never good, but now with COVID, even more so. The travelling to conferences part has been taken away, most of the social interaction has been taken away, so it often feels very lonesome.

I've various deadlines looming in the coming months and there is a lot of pressure to meet them. As a researcher I pretty much work for myself so it's not like I can just take a holiday and forget about the work. The deadlines won't go away. I also have two little ones so constantly between working and looking after the DC. Family not around so no support in that area.

I guess I just feel tired, de-energised, and in need of a break. Interested to hear if there are other early career academics here, esp. those with children, and how you're coping.

Used to be, but fled into the welcoming arms of industry a couple of years ago

Did you know there's an academics board on MN? I'm sure you'll find plenty of solidarity there! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/academics_corner

@SpikeDearheart lucky you
No I didn't know about the group, thanks for alerting me to this! Checking it now out

I'm actually doing okay, also an ECR but I work in clinical research so it's a bit different than the humanities (though I'm a social scientist by training).

I've actually had a lot of support from my team over the past year and my university is super keen to be supportive of parents and ECRs generally. What has been hard has just been not being able to keep up on publishing, which is key to progression, because some days I could only work about 2 hours between homeschooling and keeping a toddler alive (esp in first lockdown when nursery was closed). I would say I feel behind, but well supported and I'm confident I'll eventually get mostly caught up.

I would say I'm lucky though because I work with such a great team and we're all sort of at a 'just do enough to get by' place in life. I've certainly had it easier than my dh, who is self-employed, and really had to work extra hard this year to make sure the business stayed afloat (it's done great) because my job is relatively secure, even if fixed term.

I must be a "Mid" or "Late" Career Researcher.

I'm fine, actually. Thought WFH would be hell. It often scrapes my nerves but plenty about it is fine & I am resigned that this will become my new normal (they are literally shutting down the offices as much as possible).

I have my tunes and piles of emails all day, distracting teenagers & cat, so not lonely. DH says I'm an extrovert but honestly if I never set food in a restaurant or a conference again I'm not too bothered, pretty introverted.

I'm abrupt & hyper efficient in most respects, tbh. My work email inbox is very cowed at moment.

You deserve holidays, OP. It's only work. Don't let it be so important.

Hi OP,

At the end of March I was absolutely drained, at the end any energy I had at all. It was reflected in the pace/quality of my work.

October to December I was working 7-days a week, 10-hours a day to keep up with online teaching and keep things ticking over. January to March was better but still exhausting. I am zoomed out for sure.

I have found that over the last year I have become much less tolerant of my colleagues. Covid-19 has brought people's latent personalities to the fore. So colleagues who were already lazy used Covid as an excuse to do less work; colleagues who love being uber-visible used Covid as a way to put their citizenship on people's agendas; colleagues who are know-alls took it upon themselves to interpret the Covid data for everyone else.
So, I distanced myself hugely from them and that really helped.

Working from home for a year and then having two weeks off at Easter has really made me think about who I am and how work fits in relation to that. It's hard to express but I've come to the realisation that I work as an academic but that's not who I am. It's been so liberating.

Now when I have a grant rejected, I can't figure out a paper, a student pisses me off, or I start to get stressed, I ask myself 'Does this affect me ?' Not, me at work, not me the academic, but actual me. The answer is always 'no' because the only things that can affect me are things that impact my personal life, my family and my home and work isn't any of those things. Only things I care deeply about can affect me and I have stopped caring deeply about work.

The irony is that since this realisation, I've been more productive and successful than ever

So, I wasn't okay for a while because of over-work. But now I am okay. But being okay has taken a fairly significant process of introspection, which is only really possible because I have a permanent position so I can afford to not care about work because I'm not really striving for anything now.

Right now, I think most of my colleagues are massive arseholes. Not sure that helps...

@NoviceGardenLady thanks for your input, that's really helpful. I think you've put your finger on the problem here: academics can easily let work take over their life, so that work basically dominates everything. It's just so difficult to set boundaries, even more so with the pandemic, and with the feeling of "falling behind" in work due to extra childcare etc. during the pandemic.

I've been feeling really anxious about the impending deadlines, which doesn't help with productivity sometimes. And I feel bad for doing stuff non work related because I'm then prolonging the whole process for completing this work, and "falling even more behind".

My post isn't permanent so I feel that I need to keep up with everything in order to secure a good permanent job in the future. But it's just been emotionally and physically exhausting, and I realise I need to make adaptations to my lifestyle to not make every day a drag. I need to wake up and look forward to the day.

@MedSchoolRat I think we're kind of opposites as the pandemic made me I realise that a big part of the work that I enjoy is the social interaction. I can do independent research, but I'm missing the face to face seminars, conversations, spontaneous coffees etc. Those things used to help alleviate stress. But with the social aspects largely gone, now it just seems to be me and these papers that need to be written. Life feels monotonous.

@mindutopia glad to hear you're finding your groove in this. I think it's nice that you work in a team so that you never feel too isolated; with humanities research, it's easier to feel that way, esp. during a pandemic.

I can totally relate to feeling that I'm "falling behind" publication-wise. I've already had extensions to the previous deadlines but still struggling to meet the new dates.

Is your toddler at nursery now?

I am so so tired and lacking motivation and so are most people I work with. I have 2 young children and I haven’t recovered yet from nurseries/schools closing on top of a mad workload. But I’m trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter and taking it easyish over the summer is going to make me more productive in the long run. It’s only a job after all and even not a particularly well paid one.