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Original poster

9 year old boy behaviour

6 replies

CJL111 · 18/05/2021 10:12

Hi all, just wondered what other mums experiences are with 9 year old boys and their friendships? Are yours having more fallouts, how are they coping with any fallouts? My son is so sensitive, I would just like to know how to help him navigate through any conflict.

Thanks

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 18/05/2021 10:25

Mine is sensitive but also seems to have the memory of a goldfish. Gets upset about stuff that seems stupid to me (it's not fair/that's mine/he sat in my chair etc etc) but everything is very quickly forgiven and forgotten, so I have learned to really not make a big deal if he tells me someone upset him. He comes home and tells me that someone "punched him" but when I ask some more questions it turns out they had a (verbal) disagreement about something but then were friends again 2 mins later and playing just fine. At first I followed up as a worried parent with the school about punching/hitting but it turns out a lot is exaggeration!

Xiaoxiong · 18/05/2021 10:31

I have tried to get some ideas into his head: (1) assume goodwill - it's more likely a mistake than deliberate meanness; (2) use your words to explain how you're feeling, no one can read minds; and (3) would you rather be right, or would you rather be friends (since he can be a bit of a know-it-all and takes things literally). I'm hoping those are enough to navigate friendships and conflicts for now!!

Is there something in particular going on with your son? I know from my friend who is a Year 4 teacher that some kids have had a "more successful return to school from online learning than others", anecdotally from parents there are some only children who haven't had siblings at home have lost socialisation skills over the last lockdowns and/or isolations. Our school is doing extra work on friendships at the moment in form time and PSHE.

Original poster
CJL111 · 18/05/2021 10:35

Thanks for the replies. He has 2 sisters, but they are a lot older so yes, the lack of socialising with peers could be an issue. I think there is a lot of exaggeration involved, and he does take things to heart. I actually have parents evening tomorrow night, so will mention my concerns to his teacher. I'm sure there are others going through the same, my first thought is always, what if he's being bullied. So hard not to worry!!

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Thatisnotwhatisaid · 18/05/2021 10:41

My 9 year old DD falls out with her friends every other day then makes up with them the following day. Honestly, she’ll leave school ranting and raving about how much she hates x person and they’ll never be friends again but the next day she casually mentions how x person did this when they were playing today. I’ve learnt to minimise most of her melodrama now because it is just that, melodrama. I think it’s common at this age, I thought it was just a girl thing though tbh because my older DS has never been through this.

BogRollBOGOF · 18/05/2021 10:56

@Xiaoxiong

I have tried to get some ideas into his head: (1) assume goodwill - it's more likely a mistake than deliberate meanness; (2) use your words to explain how you're feeling, no one can read minds; and (3) would you rather be right, or would you rather be friends (since he can be a bit of a know-it-all and takes things literally). I'm hoping those are enough to navigate friendships and conflicts for now!!

Is there something in particular going on with your son? I know from my friend who is a Year 4 teacher that some kids have had a "more successful return to school from online learning than others", anecdotally from parents there are some only children who haven't had siblings at home have lost socialisation skills over the last lockdowns and/or isolations. Our school is doing extra work on friendships at the moment in form time and PSHE.

I like that advice!

I have an 8 & 10yo. My 10yo has a best friend and tends to keep to himself (has ASD) There does seem to be a movement towards messaging within the class and prepubescent anxieties creeping in. It's felt more abrupt with the stop/ start nature of the past year than a continuous progression.

My 8yo's friendships have been significantly affected over the past year. He was begining to bed in with group 1 in the first half of y2 and was then out of school with no contact Mar-Sept and struggled to settle in the autumn term. A big problem is the keyworker/ home learning split and group 1 had been in school without him and he had prolonged periods with only DS1 for company which is not always the most balanced relationship. I've managed to get him onto a football team which contains more group 2 and in the last couple of months he's settled in with them better. He doesn't tend to get into politics and his class are pretty easy in that department.

It's been a strange old year and while this age range have come off lighter with transition points and gear changes of learning than others, they've still had a lot of disruption to deal with as their social skills would normally continue to develop.

Beetlewing · 18/05/2021 11:02

Very sensitive, beautiful soul but also gets into snarling fights with his sister and can be unthinkingly mean. Arms and legs all over the place. Can't just walk anywhere, has to hop, gallop, PARKOUR! himself around the house generally. Also talks nonstop if he's interested in something, loves gruesome facts and farts a lot which he finds hilarious 😶

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