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Original poster

I want to stay single now but friends say I can't!

21 replies

Teatimes2 · 18/05/2021 07:45

So I'm 46. My five year relationship ended 3 months ago when my boyfriend told me he'd never been in love with me. I was heartbroken and devastated, although definitely starting to feel better now, still hurting but not as much. I met him in our running club, he pursued me a lot, I agreed to go out with him and fell in love (even though he didn't!)

Thinking back on my life, before this I'd only had one other relationship that lasted 2 years when I was 30. I've now come to realise I was really happy when single, none of the ups and downs of relationships and I'm very independent anyway. I wasn't actively looking when I met these men.

After only 3 months being single, my friends say I should start thinking about dating again in a while. I have zero interest now and told them I'm going to stay single.

I'd love to hear from others who also feel happier single than in a relationship.

OP posts:

Returnoftheowl · 18/05/2021 07:47

Ignore your friend, it's not their life, they get no say in your relationship status.

Mummyratbag · 18/05/2021 07:51

Have you explicitly told them you prefer being single? It maybe they think you have been burnt and are afraid. They probably just want to encourage you to get back out there.

MayIDestroyYou · 18/05/2021 07:59

Why on earth would you pursue a new relationship to satisfy your friends?

I suspect your entirely willing singlehood undermines their couple-oriented life decisions. They want to see you as tied down and dependent on male approval as they are.

Maybe some new friends would be good ...

FelicityPike · 18/05/2021 08:00

It’s your life not theirs!
Maybe you need to find better friends.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 18/05/2021 08:00

You can do what you want.

Bagelsandbrie · 18/05/2021 08:03

Ignore them. You don’t live your life for other people.

Livingintheclouds · 18/05/2021 08:04

I've been single since my husband passed away 12 years ago. I was emotionally ready after a couple years but it just hasn't happened.
I don't care. I've had the love of my life and two kids now blossoming in their late teens. Sure it would be nice to have someone to spend time with, but I don't need anyone.
My friends are fine with this, occasionally one would ask about ot and I'd just say sure, but it's not like I'm beating guys off with a stick!
But one friends husband just doesn't let it go. It's like I can't possibly be happy unless I have a partner. I just tell him that while I am open to having a relationship, I'm not actively looking and am content with my life as it is. He may not believe me, but that's his problem! (I think half my girlfriends are quite envious I don't have a husband that needs taking care of!)

terrapintrouble · 18/05/2021 08:06

Yes love being single here!! Same people seem shocked that I'm not interested in finding someone else since the love of my life also cheated on me , it's been over a year since I found out and I'm over it in daily life but still love him deep down , I miss some bits of a relationship but like you say don't miss the up and down feelings that come with a man! But I'm definitely not pining over ex and genuinely enjoy every day and night on my own and can't think of many times I've ever really been single and happy with it

OldkermitSippingtea · 18/05/2021 08:08

So...are you considering a relationship because your friends 'say you can't' stay single? Do you need their permission or random strangers' permission to do what you want?

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 18/05/2021 08:14

No, I'm not considering a relationship at all. As I said, I'm happy to stay single now and have told them so.

OP posts:

GeorgeandHarold66 · 18/05/2021 08:14

Just ignore them and live your life the way it suits you. They have no say in this.
I've mostly been single all my life and I love it. Some people are actually just really well suited to being on their own.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/05/2021 08:17

Ignore them and do what you want.

deeplyambivalent · 18/05/2021 08:21

I hear you, OP, I'm a bit older than you, had a crushing breakup and people just won't accept that I'm done. Really gets up my nose. Especially the ones who haven't been single in decades and have never experienced the hell that is OLD.

isthismylifenow · 18/05/2021 08:27

Most definitely happier single here OP.

And what does it have to do with your friends whether you stay single or not. I am just wondering if these friends are all coupled up and you are the only single one in that crowd.

If this is the case, I have been there too. I have new friends now as they excluded me so much. As it happens two couples of that crowd are doing through divorces now, and guess who was the one they contacted after having no contact for 3 years......

MorrisZapp · 18/05/2021 08:36

Couples are weird about singles. In every novel I've read about divorce, coupled friends feel very off kilter having a single person in their midst. They have an urge to keep to double digits, a bit like how you like having the volume on the telly at an even number.

When my parents divorced my dad said his friends were a bit weird about it. They feel betrayed, a bit like 'we have to live with an annoying git so why do you get to walk out of this social pact'.

Also they may find it holds a mirror up to their own relationships. When two of our friends split up back in our mid thirties, two more couples in our circle quickly followed suit, almost as if they'd been waiting for permission to be allowed to separate and move on.

deeplyambivalent · 18/05/2021 08:44

coupled friends feel very off kilter having a single person in their midst.

But more so when the single person is a woman, in my experience.

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/05/2021 08:49

I've been single 11 yrs and I'm 51 and happy been single.

LibbyL92 · 18/05/2021 08:49

I wouldn’t make that choice, I would just focus on what’s in front of you and whatever happens, happens!

Enjoy life and just see what happens, what will be, will be :)

There’s so much pressure around people having to meet someone and be in a relationship. Who says? Society of course.

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 18/05/2021 09:28

I'm not really making the choice, I suppose, but not going to actively look as in online dating etc. If I meet someone in the future great, if not I know I'll be happy single.

OP posts:

Misseasteregg · 18/05/2021 09:33

Your friends should be happy your so sure of what you want!

I’m sure some groups of friends just want everyone to be coupled up so they can all be miserable about useless dh’s together probably just jealous op! Ignore and love your single peaceful life!

dottiedodah · 18/05/2021 09:51

They sound a bit envious to me! Sometimes we are so entrenched with Societies expectations of us, that it seems near impossible that women may be OK on their own! (Yes really Guys) Not being alarmist here, but maybe watch Friends husband who thinks you need a man(possibly fancies his chances)! This happened to a friend of mine, who was divorced and sought out by DH of her friend!

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