Ds has made a nice new friend, but Mum is not very nice.

[ItsGotABitOfPink]

I'm in a bit of a predicament.

My ds is in reception year and has been talking a lot about a boy called Sam ( not actual name ). Every day he plays with Sam and Sam is always at the door to greet my ds when he gets to school. Sam seems like a lovely boy and I'm so happy he's made a nice friend.

Problem is the boys Mum. She is very loud and unfriendly. She screams at her dc as they walk down the street. Swears loudly to her friends whilst we wait to pick our dc up. I try and smile at her but she stares right through me. Yesterday for example I held the gate open for her as she was walking behind me. Most people would acknowledge and say thanks or smile but she just turned to her friend and talked about how 'fucking shit' something was. If she's ever in front of me I can expect the gate to just slam behind her.

She actually makes me feel uncomfortable.

Now the problem I knew was coming. My ds keeps asking if he and Sam can play at the park after school. Up until now I've made excuses. I'm starting to feel guilty as he asks a lot and I've never said yes.

Can someone please help me on how to go about this? Should I just approach the Mum and suggest a park visit? I would feel very uncomfortable but if it makes my ds happy I would do it.

I had a similar issue when my child was reception/year one and I navigated the situation by just being truthful 😬. I can’t remember how I worded it but I think I just told my son that I didn’t know the parent and didn’t feel comfortable with their parenting. So he knew I wouldn’t let him go to their house.

Over time the friendship waned naturally and it was hugely helpful that the parent had no interest in fostering the friendship between the kids. I think if the child was pushing and the parent too I’d have really been in a dilemma. I did make sure we had lots of other friends over whose parents I knew and liked and he now has a wonderful friendships group of really kind kids and all the parents meet up and socialise.

She sounds very common and not somebody I would want to associate with. DC would just see the boy in school and not outside of school

It's not the boys fault his mum isn't very nice , I would just ask her if he can come and play at yours .

I definitely don't want to discourage the friendship. I have thought about inviting Sam to our house but that would mean his mum too.

I agree. I didn’t discourage the friendship in school. Actually that’s a bit of a lie, the little girl was very controlling with my son and would try and stop him having other friends so I did say I though that aspect was wrong. I hated how bossed about he was, so I suppose I did discourage it really 😳

From what you have said about her swearing and shouting at her dc she will probably jump at the chance to get rid of one for a few hours I wouldn't presume that she will come too

I would just invite the boy over, or suggest walking and picking the boy up and taking the kids to the park. Why would the mum have to come? I have year 1 and year 4 children and both where having play dates in reception without me. If the subject comes up about returning the favour make something up like your child is nervous and wouldn't want to be left without family. I bet the other mum would jump at the chance of a couple of hours child free to be honest.

Once they are at school you can ask them for tea without the parent for sure, just offer to pick them up from school and for them to collect him at 6.30 or something. Word it in that way when you offer if she mentions coming just say "oh no you have a break" . Of course she "may" want to reciprocate so your DS might then go to hers without you, think how you feel about that (but that may never happen)

Oh I had a version of this. My dc was friendly with a queen bee who was not encouraging the friendship either (because i was a single parent i think but not 100% sure). I said to my dc that this was a friendship to value at school.

Agree with @pumpkinpie01
I really think there's a good chance she'll drop and run.
I'd bite the bullet and just ask.

Mum doesn’t need to come too. You can offer to pick them both up from school and either drop him back home or ask her to collect him.
Then it’s just a quick conversation to say make sure the teacher knows Sam is coming with me on Wednesday, or whatever.

I'd invite the child over without his Mum

I agree with others; you take them to the park without the mum. If you can’t approach her to talk about it then give your DS a note to put in his friend’s bag with your number. You might not even hear from her in which case you can just explain to your DS that unfortunately his friend isn’t able to come to the park.

Ask the Mum if you could take her DS to the park with your son and then you will drop him off at hers again after.

One thing I've learnt is to wait a while if a DC asks for play date.
Sometimes these friendships move on.

I'd probably say at the moment you can play at school.
Isn't that nice?

@thesunwillout

One thing I've learnt is to wait a while if a DC asks for play date. Sometimes these friendships move on.

I'd probably say at the moment you can play at school.
Isn't that nice?

I agree with this - a couple of times when DS2 was in yr R he asked for a friend to come for tea. I'd arrange it for a couple of weeks later and by that point they had stopped playing together!

I said to my dc that this was a friendship to value at school.

I love this ^

The real quagmire is when the nice kid with the questionable parents starts asking your child to come over for sleep overs or when those parents want to take your kid places etc. There the awkward decisions begin...