My 8 year old is asking to have friends over but I don't know how to ask!

[painfullyshywhy]

My 8yos friends are all having sleepovers and days out together and trips to eachothers houses and I feel so awful that I didn't make friends with any of the other parents so now my child is missing out.
I want to ask the parents but I am painfully shy and worried about being rejected. We live in a high-rise flat so I'm worried that the other parents won't think its safe (fair point as we are over 10 floors up) and I'm worried that they won't want their children to mix with 'the poorer child'
DH won't ask even though I think it'd be easier for him if they said no because he doesn't have to do the school run every day.

Does anyone have any tips? Or insight on how to help my child socialise afterschool with friends. He has been pestering me and I know the reasons are because of me not him. I don't know what to do

Kids will be friends no matter their home/situation/parents. And if their kids are happy, the parents will be too. Invite the child's mum in for a cuppa so they can feel safer knowing where the child will be. It also gives you a chance to chat to someone. Try to work out what you'll say to the parent e.g. ' Child A and B get along so well, shall we arrange a play date soon?' or 'My child would love to have yours over to play, could we arrange that?'

I promise you, your child's friend's parents will be happy for them to have friends, even if they live in a mansion it's unlikely they'll stop their kid from playing with yours.

I used Facebook stalking and got the second name and sent a message on messenger until we knew each other.
Good ideas about sending a note like for a party just we would really like X to come and play and have dinner any night next week message me.
If you are worried about the flat do the park and some picnic food but honestly kids aren’t judgy (well not usually) and often find going somewhere different to their house exciting.
Whenever mine have been anywhere new it’s always talk about the pet or the trampoline or what they ate not how many bedrooms they have or big garden.

At 8 I would want to have met and chatted with you a couple of times, and dc to play outside school and know you, before jumping straight to a sleepover.

I would ask your dc to ask their friend if they would like to play afterschool and if they say yes and you and their parent are there at school pickups ask your dc's friend to introduce you, if you didn't talk to me directly it would put me right off. If you cant meet at school pickups give a them note of your number to phone you.

Your dh asking when you do the school run and could speak to me directly would be really off putting.

A playdate after school is not a problem, just check a contact list or if you don't have one just give your son a note with your number to pass on.

At that age I didn't mind if I had been to other people's houses before a playdate, if there was an issue DD knew how to contact me for emergency pick up or she would say something afterwards.

Flat or house is also not an issue, if you feel uncomfortable maybe go for a play in the park (take a ball with your for pick up), get them an ice cream and drop off at home for dinner.

Sleepovers are a different cattle of fish, I didn't allow them unless I really knew the parents and also DD needed to know how to ask for help if there was a problem. We had them with really close friends from Reception onwards but with school friends and no knowledge of parents. only in secondary.

@johnevans975486 I don't know about your wife's reluctance to host playdates, sorry. I don't like your horrible description of the violence you want to enact upon her. Shudder.

Wow that was quick HQ thank you.

@YesILikeItToo

1. Text

1. Keep focus on kids - ‘Ds would like Timmy to come and play. Could he come on Tuesday?’
2. Propose something clear and specific - ‘If you could drop him over at 3pm, I would give them fishfingers and bring him home by 6pm.’

That's perfect and the sort of thing I used to do.

We have a class WhatsApp group and parents just private message each other about play dates. Usually the parent picks up from school and takes home with their own child. They play and stay for tea (usually nuggets and chips) then you collect your child at about 6pm. I’ve invited children over this way and my child has been invited too.

Do you have any phone numbers? (Eg. From party RSVP texts?) If so, text “DS was wondering if xxx would like to come over to play and have dinner one night after school? Any night next week works for us.”