Toxic relationship with my mum.. Advice needed

[babypleasenow]

Hello

This is a long a$$ story! Sorry in advance I'll just keep it as short as poss.

So a few months ago I started going to counselling as I was really struggling with my mental health and a lot of it stemmed from my time living with my stepdad and mum until I was about 21. I moved out and almost instantly had symptoms of ptsd so knew I needed help. At counselling the lady has told me I have suffered years and years of mental/emotional abuse and we are working on that (I'm getting better).

Without going Into too much detail, I have realised that I needed to either cut contact with my mum or take her to counselling and let her see/hear what I'm struggling with and allow her the opportunity to take responsibility and allow us to understand each other better and have a better relationship. A lot of the abuse came from my stepdad but she enabled it and let me down for a long time. Anyway, she didn't want to go with me and I asked her numerous times but she said she doesn't like counselling and that she doesn't think we need it.

Weeks later she randomly pops up asking me if I'd like to go with her to counselling but she then reveals that it's a lady she's seen before and has had counselling with previously. I have told her I'm not sure this is a good idea as they already know each other etc. She has snapped back saying 'do you want counselling or not', now I knew she would be annoyed but am I wrong for questioning if that's a good idea to see someone together that she's seen before?

Well done OP. I suspect you'll start feeling much better with a bit of distance. I hope you manage to find a way to help your sister. At least she has you, something you didn't have. Even having you tell her it's not normal to have a mother like that will help her with some perspective.

Well done Baby. That’s a huge step.

Experience says the next bit could be rocky as it’s unlikely she’ll just accept that you don’t want a relationship any more.

(I’m estranged from my brother and I get occasional ‘pokes’ from him because he can’t accept it. We are in our 50’s).

You have the siblings to think about so you have a few years at least where some contact is necessary.

I’m glad you've got your counsellor.

It’s going to be a long road but you’ve almost certainly made the right choice to step away.

Hi again, I would recommend the website Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, don't try and read it all at once, but have a bit of a look. I found it really helpful to prove to myself that it's not just me, that I'm wasting my time trying to make her"see", and it's really weird to discover it's not just our family.

You’re not meant to do counselling with your abuser and she has been abusive. Tell her go and withdraw to protect yourself.