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Original poster

Coffee "date" guy with gf

16 replies

SLJ161086 · 17/05/2021 19:38

So a bunch of colleagues were arranging a catch up post lockdown which now has to be postponed. One of the guys in the group has been emailing me separately for a couple of weeks (just chit chat, back and forth) I know he has a gf (and will randomly throw her into convo) but he said why don't him and I meet him for a drink or coffee instead, "just us" (his words). I know he is a bit of a flirt and has a cheeky sense of humour so I don't want to misread anything (I am single). I just don't know what the etiquette is because I don't want to be presumptious that he wants more than a friendly chat but equally I don't think I would be too pleased if my imaginary bf was asking another girl out for a drink or coffee? I was thinking about replying and saying I'm at the park most lunchtimes if you want to meet for a walk between meetings and grab a coffee to takeaway? That way I'm hopefully keeping it time restricted, it's not a date but I'm not being rude either? What do you think? Does a man ever invite a girl out for a coffee/drink with no ulterior motive?

OP posts:
Palavah · 17/05/2021 19:40

Work chitchat or non-work chitchat?

Original poster
SLJ161086 · 17/05/2021 19:43

Both work and non-work, all friendly funny banter

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 17/05/2021 19:53

I think it depends on all the people involved.

I've got a male friend who I met through work that I meet up with for coffee and cake occasionally. We both have partners, both partners know that we meet for coffee and no one has any issues.

So yes, in my case, a man dies all a women for coffee with no ulterior motive, but that's because we are established friends.

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thebestnamehere · 17/05/2021 19:55

Ask him if his gf is coming too and see what the reaction is

AnyFucker · 17/05/2021 19:55

Why don’t you simply say “no thanks” ?

PicsInRed · 17/05/2021 19:56

"Just us" = he wants to cheat on his gf. Lucky you, chosen to interview for the coveted role as his OW! 🎉

I'd cool that "friendship". He's not a friend.

Fromneverland · 17/05/2021 19:59

You already know he has a gf.. and that he’s a flirt so why are you considering meeting at all.
Chances are he sent it to every single female in the group

BackforGood · 17/05/2021 20:04

I don't think any of us can say.

My dh has met his (female) colleague quite a few times over the last year - for coffee or a walk or a sit in her garden, and even at her house when it was allowed last Summer.
A couple of time I went (for a walk) but mostly they meet to chat about work and it is a) of no interest to me and b) I have my own work to do.
I don't have any concerns about them, so am not bothered in the slightest - I know that have to discuss work things regularly and I'm not sure what they would do differently just because we are all wfh, from them going for a coffee together when they are working in the office.

greenlynx · 17/05/2021 20:29

There is a tiny chance that his ulterior motive is connected with work. Your answer sounds neutral enough so you can agree to this at least once. If you don’t want any “extra” relationship with him just make it clear by staying polite and neutral during your meet up and don’t allow him to focus on your love life/ current and past relationships and so on.

jellybe · 17/05/2021 20:29

That would be a 'no thanks' from me. He seems like he is trying to hook you as it will be a nice ego boast for him or he is actually trying to start something which isn't okay. This doesn't sound like a 'friend' meet up at all.

Lolalovesroses · 17/05/2021 21:52

Sounds like an ego boost for him.He throws the girlfriend into conversation so he has a get out if you get the wrong idea. You haven't got the wrong idea. He wants to flirt with you, he wants you to be attracted to him, who knows if he wants to cheat. If he was just being friendly a group meet up would be fine. If it was work related he would have said that when he asked you to meet up with him alone.Don't do it, what's in it for you?

Closetbeanmuncher · 17/05/2021 22:43

Does a man ever invite a girl out for a coffee/drink with no ulterior motive?

A bonafide flirt and chancer? Come on now op.

Vinto · 17/05/2021 22:48

My friend is just like you op, and ties herself up in knots worrying about being rude and getting into all sorts of pickles.

Don’t be naive. I’d be quite straight and light if he suggested it again, say I’m not in the habit of solo meet ups and you wouldn’t appreciate any gossip about you in the workplace. Then hang back from the chatting/flirty banter.

MindtheBelleek · 17/05/2021 22:55

If I liked him and got along well with him, I wouldn’t think twice. A few of my closest longterm friends are men I’ve met through work. We’re all married. But then I don’t have the lurid imagination some Mnetters have, where going to dinner or to the cinema with someone with different genitals is tantamount to ripping their clothes off.

MindtheBelleek · 17/05/2021 22:57

But do you actually like him? It’s not clear.’Cheeky’ and ‘flirt’ are t my cup of tea.

seekingadvice23 · 17/05/2021 22:58

Would you like your bf to go for a coffee date with a colleague?

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