How to organise yourself to go give birth when you have kids

[Kafryne]

So since I found out I was pregnant I can’t keep thinking how are gonna do this? Like the day I will go give birth I think my partner will have to stay with our 3.5 years son (who will be 4 by the time I have the baby).
Not having family or friends near by I don’t see any other options than me going to give birth on own 😩😩 anyone has been in this situation?

Can you not hire a childminder for that one day?

Is he in childcare normally?

The thing is my little will not stay with someone he doesn’t know and also you can’t really predict when the baby will come... could be in the middle of the night anytime near your due date. That’s why family or friends nearby is what you need so you can drop your child anytime any day whenever the time comes

He goes to nursery 3hrs/morning x4 a week.

We are in a similar situation and the pandemic doesn't help.

Some options.

Could you arrange for family/friends to come and stay on a rota basis to cover the 3 weeks or so surrounding your due date/most likely times?

Does your little one go to nursery or a childminder - perhaps a staff member there could help you out. Or approach local childminders and see whether any could do it as a one off. Pay for a few settling in sessions as well so he gets to know her.

Leave him with your DH and hire a doula for you.

Ask around your neighbours. Ask friends who do not necessarily have a strong relationship with your DS (there is time to build one) - this is what we are doing.

Pray for a complication requiring a planned c section? :o jokes but I have considered it!

Plan a home birth so DS can be there. Potentially with a doula in case you need to transfer in and don't want to go alone.

@Kafryne I totally get it. My 4 yro would not cope at all well with DH and I disappearing in the night or off for two days. Would it be financially viable for you to hire a doula? They are at least experienced at supporting mothers through birth. Also depending on the length of labour your DH could at least be there for some of the time. You can't do it alone.

Would some family travel? We didn’t need them in the end but my in laws offered to come and stay nearby “on call”, despite living the other end of the country.

Does your son have any friends from eg preschool, and could you get to know their parents? I’ve had children in emergencies for people more like acquaintances than friends before- things like a sibling having to be taken to hospital in an ambulance. I’d take a child for someone giving birth!

Of course he can stay with someone he doesn't know - he's 4 so he can hardly refuse.

But I understand that anxiety. We are going to see my friend every 2 weeks for a few hours a day, DS is having dinner there and getting much more comfortable in her house. It's working really well and I'm much less worried about how he will cope. At nearly 4 or 4 you'll be able to explain and prepare him for what will happen as well. Lots and lots of children are in the same position of it being a rarity that they are away from mum or dad when the second baby is born.

Ask the nursery if they have any staff who might be willing (for a fee) to be on call towards the due date - if you go into labour, they can come and sit at your house. Also may be worth seeing if you can afford for him to go in 5 full days a week from weeks 38 / 39.

It's not the end of the world to labour/deliver without your partner, but there may be some options unexplored.

Remember you will not be giving birth on your own even if you cannot have your DH or a friend with you for the birth. Midwives are not just there to get the baby out safely, they are also there to support you. You won't be left completely to it on your own. You may well be given more one to one support in that situation than somebody who has their emotional support from birth partners.

I will consider all of the options given. Thanks ladies!