Single parent working full time mums how are you keeping on top of everything?

[Frazzledfranny]

I’m failing massively!

Split up with ex last year and started up my own business after being a SAHM.

Things started to go to pot in the last lockdown as I was working from home and trying to homeschool and it’s never recovered.

I work one day of the weekend so try and do something with the kids on the other weekend day which leaves me less time to sort the house out. I’m shattered all the time! I’ve taken my eye of the ball with dc homework so they are getting told off in school because I’m spinning plates all the time.

What are your routines for keeping on top of the house work, work and kids?

Help!

And I’ve put loads of weight on too as I’m eating shit. As in having a pot noodle for tea as I’ve not done a proper shop 🙈

Oh god, I feel you. I work full time and I've been a single parent for 3 years. The housework really gets on top of me. My kids make a total mess and I always feel like there's not enough hours in the day!! All I do is work, cook, clean, shop etc but the place is still a state. I decided last week to get a cleaner in, but they wouldn't be able to clean as there's too much mess to put away first ! Sorry I'm no help but just letting you know you're not alone!

Oh, and I've put on loads of weight too. No time to exercise either. Hopefully someone will come along and tell us how to sort our lives out!

Without wanting to pry on your financial situation can you get a cleaner? That would make a huge difference. Also online grocery shopping with a regular deliver slot like a Sunday night or something. Meal plan a little and then always have things like eggs, pasta, salad, chicken etc so it's easy to knock up some simple meals. Get ready chopped veg to save time.

@floppybit

Oh god, I feel you. I work full time and I've been a single parent for 3 years. The housework really gets on top of me. My kids make a total mess and I always feel like there's not enough hours in the day!! All I do is work, cook, clean, shop etc but the place is still a state. I decided last week to get a cleaner in, but they wouldn't be able to clean as there's too much mess to put away first ! Sorry I'm no help but just letting you know you're not alone!

This is me! Really hard isn’t floppy

My house is somewhere in between to embarrassed to have visitors but not bad enough to have SS intervene .. although maybe !

@floppybit

Oh, and I've put on loads of weight too. No time to exercise either. Hopefully someone will come along and tell us how to sort our lives out!

I hope so!

Can you do tidy time with the kids before bed as a routine. Make it fun with an incentive?

I have a 4 yo I know it’s not as easy as that.

Any after school clubs or brekkie clubs you could use to claw back an hour or two?

Freeze yourself some healthy ish meals you can bung in microwave - soups, pastas etc.

Really feel for you OP

@sittingonacornflake

Without wanting to pry on your financial situation can you get a cleaner? That would make a huge difference. Also online grocery shopping with a regular deliver slot like a Sunday night or something. Meal plan a little and then always have things like eggs, pasta, salad, chicken etc so it's easy to knock up some simple meals. Get ready chopped veg to save time.

I could but like floppy said I need a massive clear out first.

I’m definitely going to look at online shopping

Ps wipes are great! I clean everything by just swishing a wipe over it 😳

Single parent, full time student, 3DC.

I have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours.

I’m still drowning in stuff.

Weight gain is unreal, I wasn’t even this big when I was pregnant.

@Etsylicious

Can you do tidy time with the kids before bed as a routine. Make it fun with an incentive?

I have a 4 yo I know it’s not as easy as that.

Any after school clubs or brekkie clubs you could use to claw back an hour or two?

Freeze yourself some healthy ish meals you can bung in microwave - soups, pastas etc.

Really feel for you OP

They already go to after school club due to me working.

It’s just an excess of everything. Ridiculous amounts of clothes and toys, papers and shit.

Ps give yourself a break with housework when kids are little. Just wipe down bathroom and benches. Quick hoover every now and again and change the bedding every now and again 😳 ...totally fine.

I can empathise on the clutter. It’s a nightmare. Get some IKEA storage and shove it in 😬

I'm not single but my husband works away a lot for long periods so am often home alone with the kids.

I'm not sure how old your kids are but mine (13 and 4) are expected to keep their own rooms tidy and 13 years old is in charge of dishwasher duty daily in return for her phone bill being paid.

I have pretty low standards- my priorities are (in order) clean clothes, dinner, homework, house looking tidy, house being clean. I have a cleaner who comes once a week which means I have to keep the house tidy else she can't clean- I follow TOMM loosely although laundry is my downfall. I don't mind washing and drying but put off putting it away so end up with piles everywhere I have quite enjoyed the last year of no inside visitors!

I buy a lot of semi ready meals that I can bung in the oven and leave for 20 minutes leaving me free to do something else. I don't sit down between getting home at 5.45 and you gets going to bed at 7 but also don't do any jobs after 8pm- that's my time!

I haven't got it pegged by any stretch of the imagination but I feel like I have a good balance- maybe lower your expectations!

@Etsylicious

Ps wipes are great! I clean everything by just swishing a wipe over it 😳

I’m going to stick a pack in the bathroom.

Single mum here. Self employed. Work 40 hours. Have ds10 and dd15 (autistic) also have DS 20 at home also autistic.
Pick your battles.
Kids rooms left to them. Yes it can get horrid upstairs but realistically who sees it. Bribery works well
Downstairs gets a quick mop and hoover 3 times a week.
I have big drawers and boxes to hide the crap in.
Fabulosa is sprayed liberally daily so it smells clean.
Eldest two now do own washing or know that if it's not in machine it doesn't get done atleast.
Everything else gets done if I have time and can be bothered.
Asda delivery every Sunday for food for the week is great and a saving grace in my home. And it's easy to do because I tend to buy same stuff each week! Yay me.

Stop stressing. Pick your battles. Get great storage and no matter how young the kids are they are never too young to help.

Also, weight gain- yes, me too. I'm the same weight as I was when I was 7 months pregnant. Never been this big in my life!

Watching with interest. Not single but DH disabled, so 95% of it falls to me.

It was bad enough before lockdown and homeschooling, but everything fell apart then, and I’m really struggling to get back to even the level of functioning we had before. I’m still feeling traumatised and burnt out. Playing catch up with both my business AND the home, not enough time spent on DD (who has mild SN, so needs MORE attention, not less), finances and health suffering, constantly working, constantly exhausted and stressed, never any time for myself, yet permanently living in a shit-heap with an inadequate income. It’s so hard.

I’m just bobbing out for a food shop but will be back to read the replies!

I don’t

It’s as simple as that

Thankfully money isn’t quite as tight as it was that has really helped the constant worry of money really dragged me down

I do what I can the world doesn’t come to a
a stop when I can’t

I also make sure I rest, the more tired I am the less things get done (i tent to faff more and never finish anything)

Firstly, be kind to yourself.

My children are now grown up but I spent two thirds of their childhoods as a single parent. I realised that I didn't have the capacity to do everything to a high standard and once I accepted this, I felt better.

I prioritised work, as we needed an income, and being a good parent. Housework was the thing that I let slide. Some of the ways I did this included bringing bits of work admin home and completing for an hour when kids were in bed. Nothing complicated but the stuff that mounts up if it's not completed regularly. One day per week in summer only I would pick up children from school. We would either go to the park or they could have friends round. As a small group of single parents, we would each take a week off in the summer holidays and have all the children. This saved annual leave and kept costs down. I was literally delirious by the end of the week but hey ho. Each Easter I went away with children and we just hung out together. Talked, played games, tried new foods and went for walk etc. 15 years later my children are still my fave people to holiday with.

Housework was also shared between the kids and I. Even small ones can help out by keeping things tidy. I would also get up 30mins earlier each day to do a bit of housework and have a coffee in peace.

No packed lunch for the children until they could make it themselves. No one had time for that. I had several quick dinners on rotation. We would get home at 6pm and usually be sat down to eat by 6.30. Weekends were for culinary adventures. Shopping was delivered.

And finally, I had plenty of wine.

TOMM app has been great for me, I have ADHD (medicated) but still have zero interest in cleaning or tidying, I took off everything that my cleaner does and it’s actually left me with very little to do.

School have concerns that DD12 is Inattentive ADHD, and I agree, she is. So that’s just started rolling.

DD10 has ASD/Hyperactive ADHD - she is the Chief Finder in this house, she has an incredible memory.

All DC 12/10/5 put their clothes away once I’ve hung them on hangers or folded them (I have MALM drawers and use the SKUBB boxes inside).

I’m forever letting the laundry build up so now I do one load a day, wash/dry/sort DC put away.

I have a dishwasher. Best purchase ever.

DC12 cleans the bathroom after she’s used it, and I whip around it after the other 2 have used it, that’s helped and makes the job much quicker.

Single mum of two here, one with ADHD and I work full time. Yes to the weight and also to have somehow totally lost any sense of organisation this last year. Also totally failing on the homework front.

I’ve cracked this week and hired a cleaner. I figure at least it will be clean under all the mess which will make me feel slightly more in control. I do also have a once a week shopping delivery.

It’s always been hard but this last year has been just pushed me over the edge. Don’t have family near to help. I guess I just try to get through each term. And hope one day I might have a life again!

Meal plan, easy meals and stuff to put in the freezer, its's just as easy to make a mild chilli, spag bol or cottage pie with frozen veg and keep in fridge or freezer as nuggets and chips. Try to buy clothes that don't need an iron, or invest in tumble drier and fold and put away as soon as dry. M and S non iron school shirts a bit more expensive but better quality and a god send.Keep toys in bed rooms, nice to keep the lounge free of clutter, especially if people come over. Money was a bit tight so used to save for birthdays and treats by cutting down on shower gels, used soap instead and all smelt fresh ,own brand tooth paste and toiletries , don't sweat the small stuff,a bit of dust never hurt anyone, do a bit everyday so weekends are a bit more free to have a bit of down time and fun, and remember it gets better, they soon grow up and can help with the chores, we;ve all made it ok and survived!

I have very low housework standards but have just started getting g kids properly involved for 1hr each day at the weekend which helps. (Well dd1 is pretty good, dd2 not overly helpful)
WFH means that every couple of days I manage to nab 5-10 mins for washing
Click & collect for food shopping
Homework is encouraged (by me) to be done at after school club otherwise we all do reading/spellings/homework on my bed at bedtime.
Clutter is a huge issue - would appreciate tips coz like a pp i could afford a cleaner but not until the house is vaguely presentable.
Generally a "good enough" mindset has helped me hugely. I can't do it all - I end up falling asleep in front of the TV at 10 on Friday night!
Be kind to yourself