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Original poster

Who's ultimately responsible for the childcare in this situation?

23 replies

Fudgeytastic · 15/05/2021 23:15

Say I work from home full time and I'm fully able to be at home with my DC day in, day out. DC are 8 and 11.

Husband works shifts which doesn't work around school runs and is often late night / early morning and weekends.

If I wanted a weekend away with a friend for a birthday is it solely on me to find childcare?

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 15/05/2021 23:17

Depends if your husband is working that weekend.

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 15/05/2021 23:18

Of course - your a partnership and a family. You're entitled to some downtime and your husband should be prepared to facilitate it.

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 15/05/2021 23:18

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PlanDeRaccordement · 15/05/2021 23:19

It should be a joint effort/problem to solve. Both you and your husband have equal parental responsibility.

Icanflyhigh · 15/05/2021 23:19

Wouldn't you discuss it and find a suitable arrangement together? Why does it have to be or the other of you when you're both parents?
Or is this just a bit of point scoring as you do it all week and you expect him to give you a weekend off, and you're hoping we agree?

SGChome20 · 15/05/2021 23:19

If he’s working at then it’s pretty much on you yeah. Although I’d like to think me and DH would work it out together i.e I’d arrange the weekend when he wasn’t working.

Overdueanamechange · 15/05/2021 23:20

As joint parents wouldn't you both work together to find childcare, assuming he is working? I guess it if was a weekend I wanted without him, and he was working, I wouldn't expect him to make the arrangements.

HeddaGarbled · 15/05/2021 23:20

I think so, if he’s working and you’re away for fun.

Elieza · 15/05/2021 23:21

I’d suggest he tells his manager he needs to be off work on those dates and could that be arranged. Some places let you swap with a colleague if needs be.

If it can’t be arranged then either he’d have to take annual leave (not good if he doesn’t have much leave) or you’d need to find a solution.

What does he usually do when it’s him that wants a weekend off?

Viviennemary · 15/05/2021 23:22

Yes. If you are on a jaunt you need to find childcare if he can't take a holiday or change his shifts.

AlmostSummer21 · 15/05/2021 23:23

The way some couples:families work really puzzles me.

You're WFH, you want to go away, presumably DH is working that weekend, why wouldn't you arrange someone to have the kids?

Why does it have to be about whose job it is?

toocold54 · 15/05/2021 23:45

As PPs have said it’s a joint effort. If he’s working you can have a discussion about who may be available eg your mil or his mum or if neither to hire a babysitter etc

UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 23:48

Yes, if he’s working why wouldn’t you arrange childcare for your weekend away?

CadburyCake · 15/05/2021 23:51

It’s less about who usually does childcare and more about who has the contacts to make it happen. My DH doesn’t know the parents of my children’s friends the way I do. He doesn’t have local family, which I do. So the obvious person to ask those people for favours is me. I would expect him to take the time off work, if that was reasonably possible (I don’t know what your DH does) and he would happily do that for occasional trips.

But if it wasn’t possible, and I was going for a non essential jolly, and I was the one with the contacts, I’d be expecting to sort out other childcare.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 15/05/2021 23:52

First step would be to book the weekend away on a weekend when he's not working. Is that not possible with other people's commitments? Then I would be asking him if he could swap weekends with someone else.

queenofthenorthwest · 15/05/2021 23:57

Both of you.

You can't do it because you Want to go away.

Can he or is he working?

If he is then you talk about your options.

Can he take annual leave?

Can anyone mind the kids of he is.
If not then your weekend away needs to be replanned.

Singalongasong · 16/05/2021 02:20

Well clearly you're both parents and should work as a team. I would expect the parent going away on the jolly to take the brunt of the admin, rather the one who's working. If you can't find childcare and he can't take annual leave (or you both decide it's better saved for another time) then you can't go so I wouldn't choose to die on the hill of getting him to find childcare.

Kinsters · 16/05/2021 02:46

Ultimate responsibility would probably be with whichever parent was the last to leave the house.

Really you should work as a team to give each of you what you need though.

puddled2 · 16/05/2021 02:51

Do what you want...as long as your children are looked after..you are not his mother

NoSquirrels · 16/05/2021 02:56

Well, I think the you working from home thing is totally irrelevant.

If he works shifts and he’s working that weekend, then if you want to go away you both discuss to find a solution.

It’s not his fault he’s working and can’t cover childcare. And it’s not your responsibility to find childcare cover just because you’re usually around.

It sounds a bit point-score-y so either you feel generally unappreciated, he’s a bit of a lazy git, or somewhere in the middle. Either way the solution is talking.

Sleepingdogs12 · 16/05/2021 04:09

I presume this isn't really the issue?

BlackCatShadow · 16/05/2021 04:23

Can he not take some time off to take care of the kids?

starrynight21 · 16/05/2021 04:24

Flippin' heck - aren't you a team ? Don't you share the care ? I don't get this kind of question at all.

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