NC for this as very outing. Quite long but will try and keep it as brief as possible. So my mum and biological dad broke up before I was born and they never had any contact after that. When I was 2 my mum met and married Steve (not real name) who adopted me as his own. They had two children together, one of whom had severe learning difficulties. Steve had a good job but was a functioning alcoholic and would often have been verbally and emotionally abusive to us as well as occasionally physical. I used to be terrified of him when I was small and would run to my bedroom when I heard his car come in from work. My mum had it difficult with DBs additional needs (he was very violent) and Steve wasn't supportive due to the drinking so I would have done most of the childcare at weekends when my mum worked. I was very unhappy at home and never felt loved. I always felt my mum put Steve and my brothers before me and never felt as if I was a part of the family. Steve very much dominated the household and i would have often got the brunt if his anger if anything went wrong as i was the oldest. In my teens I became very promiscuous and fell pregnant at 16. When my mum and Steve found out they were furious but overnight steves attitude towards me had changed and the next day he was making sleazy remarks about me having sex whilst pregnant etc. Just to add, Steve also had an addiction to porn. Anyway, as soon as I became pregnant Steve began to treat me differently, showering me with attention and making me feel really special. I felt uncomfortable with this but also flattered as I'd felt my whole life he'd hated me up until this point. Whilst pregnant, I found he was watching pregnancy porn. Shortly afterwards I moved out. Ds was born and I had quite bad PND. My mum was still struggling at home with DB and steves drinking. Steve would visit me and again shower me with compliments etc. He also revealed to me very personal aspects of him and my mums sex life as well as telling me how he was cheating on her (with both men and women). He would have frequently asked me about details of my own sex life and would have encouraged me to be promiscuous (I had zero self esteem and would have slept with anyone who gave me the time of day) I told my mum this but was worried what Steve would do if he knew I told her. Things came to a head when he visited me one day and told me he would pay me for sex. Of course I said no and made it clear I was extremely uncomfortable. At this point I think he realised he went too far and stopped coming around etc. I told my mum but again told her not to say anything but I stopped visiting the family home. A few years later (after asking me) she had it out with him and he admitted that he became fixated with me. He said I was partly to blame as I indulged him (which I guess i did to an extent but I was so lonely and desperate for his validation my whole life). She ended up staying with him and he did apologise a few years ago for his behaviour. I said I forgave him but I never really did. What hurts the most though is how my mum stayed with him after it all even though she knew how much I felt like she betrayed me. This happened over 10 years ago but I still have periods where I think about it all and feel so angry and resentful of my mum. I've never felt comfortable around Steve since and never visit home because of this. I dont really know what I'm looking for from this post, maybe just some advice on how to move forward or stories of anyone else who's been in a similar situation. Apologies for the essay but didn't want to drip feed (although there's actually quite a bit i left out).