Applied for my old job

[Yellowcrockpot]

..little name change as some people know me and I wouldnt want anyone to know just yet..

A few years ago I met a new partner who moved to be with me and set his business up where we live.
It hasn't done very well and has left us very financially vulnerable, unable to pay bills, almost lost our house, went into bankruptcy etc.

At the time I hated my job and he was so confident in his business I left my stable, long term job to support the business - it didn't work out.

With support from MN I manged to enroll on a course, unrelated to my old job.

I've been away from my job for a few years but the skills I have are skills for life. The business we have is still failing- and whilst searching I saw my old place recruiting.

I have reapplied for my old job, hoping they can work around my current course and childcare.

I'm posting here as i haven't told DP yet, and I'm anxious and excited. I have ears still in my old place of work and I've been told the management are quite excited I've reapplied.

Now im sat alone, unsure how to broach it with DP (obviously he's very stressed and feels like a failure) but at the same time I'm excited and anxious to be getting back out there and making something of myself again.

It's not the career I want to be in, but I know I'm good at it, and it will give me independence both financially and for my own mental health/confidence, which has taken a huge beating.

Don't really know why I'm posting! Just to get some more MN support, and to type it "outloud" somewhere!

I'm mid 30s. I'm hoping by 40 I can have my own savings, build my credit score back up and be on my way to owning a home by then! Am I being too ambitious?!

On one hand this is all good for you but it’s sad that you didn’t feel able to talk this through with your partner as it now looks sneaky of you.

You were absolutely right to go for the job but not to tell him looks like you have undermined him.

Why didn’t you feel you could say to him that it’s just not viable with you supporting the business at home and you as a family will benefit from your going back to work in your old job.

Are you frightened of him? If not it does look like you’ve ride roughshod over him.

Rode

He knows I have applied for another place, but I only applied for my old job a few hours ago - he has since got home very stressed about a work situation, I am thinking to wait until I at least get a response from my old job, to say if I will go through to the next application process.
I left rather quickly, which may go badly for me.

I am not frightened of DP per se, but how unhappy I was in the line of work (healthcare) was a huge factor in why I left and didn't intend to return.

However with hindsight, and everything we've been through i cannot see how it is anything but sensible.

Of course, a conversation will follow, but I can't see the harm in waiting to see if I even get offered the next step in the application process?

Before supporting the business I was quite successful within my field and we had savings we no longer have.

Obviously the time will come to tell him

I see, well he will have to suck it up if he doesn’t want you to go it as keeping a roof over your head without the stress should be your main priority.

It’s great to try and build up your own business but when you are not getting the financial results that barely cover the bills then your sanity must come first.

Having wrote what I just have, I have just told DP and he is very unhappy about it...
Unfortunately, I still to intend to go forward with it.

I basically think he's happier me being at home, doing my course and not earning.
Unfortunately, after years of financial struggle and supporting him, I feel no other avenue but to return to work myself?
Surely, this is not a bad thing?

When you say unhappy, was he sad (which I totally understand tbh, as do you I think) or actually angry? If the latter, he's being unfair all things considered. But I would understand him feeling sad about it.

To me, he is being reasonable.
Hes said he's not happy for me to return to my work as I was so unhappy and didnt discuss it first - although he knows I had applied elsewhere also.
We have been hardly able to even meet the most basic of bills for a long stretch of time now, things are clearly not working?

If my old job can offer something that works for us (able to care for my child, and continue with my studies) I cannot understand how in any stretch of the imagination this is a negative.

I wanted to hold off saying anything until I heard if I've got through to the next part of the application process, but at the same time I am no good at keeping things quiet.

Just to clarify, by unhappy I mean angry and unsupportive.

Fingers crossed for your new old job OP.

He’s just angry at himself for being a failure and not being able to support you, or whatever he’s thinking. Feeling guilty that it could be his fault you have to do work you don’t like etc.

It’s been a tough year. He shouldn’t be so hard on himself. His business may pick up but in the meantime if you need to be the breadwinner so be it. He can pack his pride up and unpack it when his business improves. At which time I’d suggest you don’t leave your job in a rush, perhaps go part time there and part time with him in his business. That way you know you have at least some money to rely on and your employer won’t go in a bad mood as you’ve left suddenly again!

Obviously I don't know your DH, but you applying for an old job, particularly one that made you unhappy, must be signalling to him how badly his business is failing and that he hasn't delivered on the dream he promised you.

He must already know this on some level, but this step has probably drummed home that you know it too.

He's probably more angry at himself than you. I would give him a bit of time to digest it and see how he reacts once the reality has set in. If he's otherwise a good partner and supportive of you, I would ignore the knee-jerk reaction and see how he is later.

OP is it his kid? You really need to look out for you and your kid if he isn’t. I’m worried you described him as angry.

It seems reckless to have assumed a new business will bring in enough to support 2 people and a child, wirh no other income.

If you haven't been able to pay the bills for some time, what has your partner done about bringing some money in?