I have my 18-year-old cousin living with me. Her whole life has been dysfunctional, no education, pulled from pillar-to-post, surrounded by people without morals, her mum died of an overdose. She's lived in squats, sexually abused as a kid and just about everything you wouldn't want for a kid has happened.
She disappeared of my radar for quite a while, and we believed that she was getting on well in her placement but, while she was fed, roofed and sent to school, she didn't get the emotional or loving support she needed and it sounded as chaotic as the life beforehand.
Hence she moved into ours when she turned 18 but we had regular contact since she was 16 with her spending most of the school holidays/weekend with us. Me and my partner love her to bits and only want the best for her. She's a loving, kind and funny girl who just has a couple of rough edges.
The problem is, since she's lived here she's just rebelled; not showing up to work, lying where she is, having the town over when we're out, helping herself to change/drink/whatever she fancies and denying it etc etc. She's staying out a lot and the guys she's involved in are dodgy (drug dealers, mid twenties, generally arseholes etc), she's been attacked by one of her 'male friends' after she went over to his at 2am for a joint.
On the surface she seems like a good kid, she helps out around the house, all she wants is cuddles and helping with her hair being washed. She's polite and sociable and she talks the talk of knowing the difference from right and wrong. If we call her out for lying/stealing/breaking the rules she cries and apologies - she never has attitude and is always thanking us for what we're doing for her.
The thing is i'm really worried she's going to go down the same path as others in the family, of being in a box by 40 and leaving a wake of devastation and heart break. It's how naturally she lies, how she tells us what we want to hear and essentially does whatever she wants 24/7.
The last month she's spent the majority of the month staying over at a 'friends' house share, there must be a guy there paying for her drugs, food and driving her around. There's all the red flags but i'm at a complete loss as i've tried being approachable, not judging, treating her like a friend, showing her the life if she works hard etc etc. But she seems to enjoy the drama, thrills and 'having a good time' 24/7.
I just want to lock her in the house, sign her up to DofE, make her go to college and make some nice friends. Right now, if she just had nice friends it would feel like a victory.
I'm so stressed out with worry i'm not sleeping, myself and my partner cannot think about anything else and I really really don't know what to do.
We've decided we need to have a conversation and come down with a plan as she's really broken our trust the last day. We need to come up with rules/moving forward, and we're going to have to tell her that she may have to move out if this continues as it's not only affecting our lives it's our house getting the runt of it too.