Money woes and family views

[NoEffingWaytoSurvive]

I shall start by saying that my siblings are financially more successful in life than I am, they earn very decent salaries, own their own homes and drive lovely, new cars. My parents helped them to buy their homes, it hasn't been all independent, and it has been helped by ltr's, success and hard work all round.

I have worked all of my life in a skilled but not well paid job, have been divorced and have had a few financial setbacks over the past few years.

My crappy car needs some work, and I asked my parents to loan me a small sum of money so I can get it fixed.

I have been approached by my sibling to essentially tell me off for asking, so my parents have been discussing me with her . She told me off for spending £10 on something for my house, which I needed.

I feel embarrassed and a bit of a failure. I hate asking for anything, and now it's like my personal life has been up for discussion behind my back.

Also, my parents have called to decline 'not because we couldn't, but because it's pathetic that you needed to ask'.

Will save up, and hope the car doesn't blow up in the meantime (no exaggeration unfortunately).

I hate being poor, it sucks big time.

Just needed to moan a bit, have spent the day in a tearful, worried state.

Are you saying they helped them to buy homes but not you ?

So they've always favoured your siblings over you?

Dump the lot of them if so - they are toxic, bullying, scapegoating....

you sound great

@LaurieFairyCake yes, they both were helped, I was told they couldn't help me because they had given it all to my siblings

That’s very mean of them. It’s not like your siblings have not had any help.

What a horrible thing to say to you! I would keep your distance from the lot of them.

Honestly I’d cut the lot of them off. How horrible for you. I’m so sorry

Well, you now know your place. And that was fucking cruel.

If you decided that enough is enough and that you would no longer make any effort to stay in touch I suspect you would feel.muvh better about your life.

That old adage about choosing friends and being lumbered with family was coined for a reason.

Sod 'em all.

Live your own life, be happy.

Because it's fairly obvious that your mum and sisters have issues that make them unpleasant and judgemental.

I'd tell your sister to back off and leave you alone, it's got nothing to do with her. I'd also innocently point out that they have helped in the past. I'd say you obviously look down on me and tell her that that says more about her than you. And then I'd retreat to a stone wall of silence.

And as for your parents, I'm dumb founded by that comment.

Don't feel embarrased or a failure, it's their shame that they couldn't be nicer about it.

Unfortunately I could have written your post. My parents bailed my brother out of debt and paid his uni fees, leaving nothing for the rest of us for years.
My parents offered about £2000 towards our wedding for a photographer and my dress. While wedding planning, dh and I needed new furniture for the living room so invested in furniture which would last. I was questioned by my siblings and accused of 'rinsing' my parents for the wedding. I was forced to disclose that our furniture was on tick, that fil had bought us a gift of furniture too and it meant my family had been discussing my finances behind my back, including my parents slagging me off to my siblings, despite offering the money and saying it was 'between us'.

I'm afraid the only thing you can do is rise above it and I suppose feel proud that everything you have, you've earnt without help

Really op?

Are you all blood siblings? Sounds incredibly abusive.

I'd no longer own them, tbh. Better off without them.

They sound awful, OP.

Horrible people they sound.

Christ what a bunch of cunts! I know it’s easier said than done, but I don’t think it would be an overreaction to cut the lot of them off for good.

That is horrendous behaviour from family. I would be giving them a wide berth for a while and never discuss finance with any of them again. I am not sure that I could cut anyone off, especially family but I would definitely let them make the phone calls and arrange invites rather than you and see how it goes from there. You may drift naturally but at least you cant be blamed if that happens. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Hi OP, unfortunately this is not an uncommon dynamic in some families. It's frustrating for you, but the best thing is to step back and not disclose any financial issues with your parents or siblings, as it will just be used against you.

I sympathise, a good friend is in a similar situation with her parents gifting a house deposit to a sibling, without offering her any help whatsoever. Of course it's their money and they can do what they like, but in reality, it only causes division and resentment if siblings are treated unfairly.