This is getting ridiculous

[Redandpink]

Basically I have a drug addict brother living at home and bumming of my mother. He's a drug addict. He's taking weed in between taking hard drugs. I think the hard drug of choice is speed. Basically he is fucked up completely. Mood changes, insomnia, lack of sleep, poor diet, redrawing from family. He had a job that he wasn't able for and he walked out from it 2 years ago. He never made any effort to look for other work since. He had a lovely girlfriend too but that went to the wall too. I suppose drugs and his mates came first before her and she got fed up and rightly so. The man is a layabout. He helps sometimes with some jobs but big jobs and maintenance of the house, not so much. He never cut the grass last year. The grass is getting long again and we had a nice spring a d he couldnt be bothered getting out of his fucking bed to do something. He's smoking weed every night.

My mother is in denial about his condition. She likes to pity him and takes a soft approach in case it tips him over the edge into suicide even though the drugs probably don't help with his moods and probably cause a lot of it. That man needs rehab or something.

I went to my mom yesterday with a solution for the grass. I said that I can order a grass trimmer that is battery powered and I have my eye on one and I think it could be suitable and I think it would work. Its lightweight. I told my mom that I could work on the grass during weekends and on dry evenings after work and I could have it done by June instead of letting it grow long and out of control. I don't think it's fair to let the postman or grocery deliveries or couriers climb through metres of grass and nettles.

My mom said -
Don't order anything and I will speak to X tomorrow. X being my brothers name.

When he manages to get up out of bed, he's going to have no opinion except for criticism and grunts.

I can't believe she is still holding out for him to do work. I have seen him being deliberately cruel in the past and I know him so well. He will say he will do the grass but he won't. He will get a burst of energy when it comes to seeing his mates but when it coming to giving any contribution back in return, he's just lazy and a layabout.

I went to my mom with a solution for the grass and she literally just smacked it back into my face.

He may well have started out just being a lazy so and so but now after long term drug use his brain probably is addled and makes him incompetent.

Until he decides he wants help then life will carry on the same.

Your mother molly coddles him and makes excuses for him because she knows if he wasn’t under her roof he would be getting up to al sorts and probably wind up dead in the gutter.

It’s a horrible thing for you to have to witness and you are rightfully frustrated and angry.

What can you actually do to bring about a change?

Sadly not a lot as the only one who can change all this is your brother himself and he clearly enjoys his present lifestyle.

Your mother is g going to change or give up on him.

Rather than you put yourself out to the garden why can’t you and mother pay a local chap with a petrol strimmer to come once a month and keep the jungle down?

Did you post about him the other day and were told to keep out of it ?

I'm really sorry about your brother, but for the sake of your own sanity, you have got to accept that this entire situation is completely beyond your control. Your mother will do whatever she does, as will your brother. Leave them to it, see them as little as possible, and focus on your own life.

I know I can't change him or her.

My issue now is that I came up with a solution for the jungle grass and she threw it back into my face. I am hurt about that. I can make the time and the energy to do the work myself now on the grass, not later on down the line in the middle of summer when work will be more demanding on me. I'm also hurt because she is completely in denial about that man because she's holding out hope the druggie will get up out of his bed at this stage. He will get up alright when he's looking for a new fix.

My mother does not want to get a gardener in because in her words she doesn't want to upset the man of the house which is ridiculous and that she probably can't afford another bill keeping another adult on the go.

The grass is not your responsibility, op. Let it go.

She literally smacked you?

Oh right sorry re-read and that's not what you seemed to mean. In that case I wouldn't worry about the grass.

OP, you posted about this family dynamic the other day. It's shit for you, I get it. But it isn't up to you to fix. You can't. Step back for your own sake.

Leave her to it. If she doesn't want you to sort the grass then so be it. TBH I wouldn't be going near the house when your brother is there. I wouldn't want to have any conversation about him with your mother. It would annoy me too much that she defends him.