MIL- would this annoy you?

[CatherineMorland]

MIL spent 1st few months of DS’ life telling everyone that he had Uncle X’s nose, his Daddy’s eyes, his grandad’s ears. Never anything about me or my side of the family. It culminated in her pronouncing that my DS is “a [insert her surname] through and through”.

This hurt as I have no DP to redress the balance. To this day no one has ever pointed out a resemblance between me and DS.

I dealt with it by spending less time with MIL. However DS is now 6 and to his every achievement MIL responds “Well his granny was good at that in her time. We are good at X as a family” etc etc. Every. Single. Bloody. Time.

From art (I’m an artist FFS) to sport achievements, that it always her response.

It’s as though DS’ achievements can’t be his, she makes it about herself every time. I have now seen DS looking deflated when she does this.

I finally told DH how much it grates on me, but he couldn’t wouldn’t see it.

Would this bother you, or am I over sensitive?

MIL says this sort of thing about our kids. I don't challenge it - I know them best and they are a mixture of all of us and also entirely their own people.

Yeah me and DH find I very annoying that MIL kept comparing DS to her older son, so DH's older brother. Not my DH who shares characteristics with his brother! We both just roll our eyes and its eventually stopped thank God. Although now she shows little interest in DS, dunno whats more annoying!

My ex MIL is exactly like that. I've always just thought she was making an idiot of herself about it.

My MIL does the opposite. Doesn't think DD looks at all like her dad! Her hair is light golden brown and when she was born predicted or 'would all fall out and become blonde'. The other day she said to her 'you can only be a xxsurnamexx if you're blonde'. DD is seven months and oblivious but I find it annoying and not quite sure what she's trying to imply!

My mil is the same."what a cute pic he comes from good stock(def means her family)
If ds says something witty "ooh he's definitely like us" Fuck off 🙄

I get this too and it pisses me off. I don't think it's meant in a bad way, it's just that they love their grandchildren and are interested in similarities. To be fair on them, both my dd's looked very much like my husband in the early days!! When they commented that my dd's intelligence must come from their side I did take offence but then made sure to point out our sides achievements, oh and couldn't help but mention that other grandad studied physics at Oxford!

So annoying.

My MIL did this with my first. Everything was like her or her family. Her Great uncle John who died 700 years ago would sit on the toilet the same as my Daughter. Really ridiculous stuff. Had my 2nd who looked exactly like me and she didn't mention it for about a month!

She probably isn't trying to be a dickhead, but she is being one.

Oh yes. DS looked just like his dad when born, so it was ok then. Now he looks a bit more like me and my family. Not that MIL would know about the resemblance to my family, I don't think they exist in her eyes, she’s never enquired about them.

I’ll always remember “oh DS has such lovely light blue eyes, like his uncle (DP brother).” Who else has got light blue eyes? Me!

It’s so annoying. DD had dark hair when she was tiny and MIL was convinced she looked exactly like her other granddaughter who she’s obsessed with. Sadly for her she’s now 2 and is blonde, blue eyed and looks exactly like me from head to toe, everyone calls her my Mini Me. Well everyone except MIL who is strangely silent nowadays 😀

Same with my MIL, it bugged the hell out of me. She could tie everything back to her side of the family. I always responded super politely with 'he looks like himself' or similar. We haven't seen her since my youngest was born due to travel schedules and then covid and I do miss the banter!!

Oh God, my ex MIL was just the same. She actually looked at my DS once, when he was just a few weeks old and said "he really doesn't get anything from you does he?"

She even used to call him "my baby [insert ex's name]".
He's 17 now and looks massively like my DF and DB. And he absolutely has my smile 😊
I don't think she had any idea how hurtful she was being. She wasn't the sharpest tool in the box tbf.
Just keep telling yourself that no matter what she says, he's literally half you. He's happy and healthy and that's really all that matters 💐

This is my mum! I feel sorry for my DP as everything is "he gets that from...(insert family member on my side)". Reality is, although my son looked a lot like me in the first few weeks of life, he is now the spit of my DP's late dad.

I do correct my mum every time though or agree and then say what he does get from my DP.

Yes, my MIL does this. She comes from a large family and every positive trait in my children is apparently inherited from one of her siblings or a far removed cousin. She even tried to tell me no one in my family has blue eyes - they all do!

According to her, the one thing my son has got from me is his temper. Gosh, thanks.

It's an annoying thing that some grandparents seem to do. Just ignore her.

My MIL is like this about DSD. She is most definitely the favoured grandchild and MIL is always taking about how much she looks like her, sending photos of her as a child to my husband and saying 'doesn't this look just like DSD' and so on.

Thing is, she doesn't look that much like her beyond her colouring. Her actual features look like a mix of DSD's mother and FIL.

OTOH, DS3 looks like a miniature version of his father. If it weren't for the carpets and outfits, you'd really struggle to tell which baby photos are DS and which are his dad. Everyone comments on it (including my family). Yet MIL insists she can't see it and maintains he looks just like me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have concluded that you just cannot begin to understand the twisted logic at work in my MIL's head. So I leave my husband to do all the interacting with her. 😂

My in-laws are like this. It is annoying but YABU to let it get to you so much. Just respond and be more assertive.

My son is my double. I have blue eyes, pale skin and curly hair....

FIL has blue eyes...."Oh you get your eyes from grandad don't you?" "Probably more likely from mummy tbh"

Hair starts growing and it is curly "I don't know where he gets the curls from, we don't have curls in the family" "Ahem, have you ever actually looked at me?????"

They take him out in the summer, he gets burnt as he is so fair and they haven't put the right block on him "But no one else in the family is that pale, this cream does the rest of us" "Yes but he also has half of my genes and I put his specific cream in the bag that we use because he takes after me!"

@dayswithaY

Yes, my MIL does this. She comes from a large family and every positive trait in my children is apparently inherited from one of her siblings or a far removed cousin. She even tried to tell me no one in my family has blue eyes - they all do!

According to her, the one thing my son has got from me is his temper. Gosh, thanks.

Tbh, my husband is like this. I'm certain he inherited it from his mum.

He can only seem to recognise something as positive if he thinks it's like him. It's like some form of narcissism.

It's deeply irritating. Especially as some of the things he thinks are great positives of his character are really not.

Both sides used to do this with my dc1, and yes whilst it is very annoying I never took it personally. It was only when he was diagnosed with a rare (genetic) chromosomal disorder did both sides bend over backwards to say that he didn't get it from their side, which did annoy me.

I hear you OP, my DC were just like their daddy, apart from if they had a tantrum then funnily enough they were nothing like her perfect son at all.
I brushed lots of it off, but one day she announced that Dd (about 9mths) who had eczema on her arm "must have got that from your side toothbrush, none of the babies in our family have had scabby skin"

My DM said when DD1 was born that people tend to go on about any resemblance to the father's side of the family when a baby is born to reassure him that the baby is his!

Whether consciously done or not, there may be something in this. I noticed with both of mine that upon first meeting the baby lots of people commented that they were the image of Daddy but as they got older (and better looking ) there were more comments about their resemblance to me.

I think some studies have shown that to be true
www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/the-claim-babies-tend-to-look-like-their-fathers.html

My DN is the spitting image of his father. If you look at baby photos, you have to check dates to figure out who is who. It is impossible not to comment on it. But I have always made the point of saying that he has his mother’s (lovely) temperament and kindness (also her unusually long eyelashes but seriously, that is the only physical resemblance).

I think on one hand, most GPs do this. On the other hand, some GPs are a PITA.

If that is the case with yours, I’d start asking annoying questions such as - is that where his ability to soak through a nappy comes from, or his habit of leaving towels on the floor etc.

Oh my MIL was like this with DS1

Oh he ha his Dads blonde hair, ooh he has his Dads blue eyes er I had those as well

This went in for years until my Mum said privately to me that he was actually the spur of my DB at that age and got out some photos and they looked like twins

Bloody DH was cross with my Mum for making the comparison till I told him I was fed up with years of it from MIL

Cue 15 odd years later I had another DS with OH and the brothers are the image of each other